♥ pris}

♥ Friday 29 February 2008.

Daily Propehts.

> 29 <

happy 29th feb!! =)

got an iriitating mummy sitting behind me waiting for me to sleep. blog tml! =P

i can wait forever. not

Labels: random

[ ♥ LIL SUPERHERO GIRL @ 12:36 ]

♥ Thursday 28 February 2008.

Daily Propehts.

> 533952000 seconds <

shitshitshit. i typed the post and stupid blogger deleted it! lmao

i didn mean to pon work today sehhs.
i woke up late.
parents didn wake me up.
(i normally have a wake up call by daddy @ 7.45am, then one from mummy @ 8.00am)
but today no one woke me up.
so hell ya.
was still supposed to go to work.
but didn want to face the huge tonne of work left for me. ewwws.

i'm gonna get into hell lots of trouble when my paycheck comes.
mummy's so gonna chop me up and cook me in soup.

BUT, me staying home today
saw me practising my piano.
i'm getting better *beams* =D
but whatever,
she, my teacher, won't notice my practice, coz to her, i'm lousy. $%&^$!@%$

horocope today is making me cry.
ain't posting it up.

currenntly onto english songs. esp,
Enrique Iglesies' songs.

Somebodys me - Enrique Iglesies

You, do you
remember me?,
Like, I remember you?
Do you spend your life, going back
in your mind to that time?,
Cause I, I walk the streets alone,
I hate
being on my own, and everyone can see that,
I really fell, and I'm going
through hell.
Thinking about you with somebody else.

Somebody wants
you,
Somebody needs you.
Somebody dreams about you every single night.
Somebody cant breathe, without you it's lonely.
Somebody hopes that one
day you will see, that somebody's me.
That somebody's me. yeaa...

How, how did we go wrong?
It was so good, and now it's gone,
And
I pray at night, that our path's soon will cross.
What we had, isn't lost.
Cause you are always right here in my thoughts..

Somebody wants you,
Somebody needs you.

Somebody dreams about you every single night.
Somebody can't breathe, without you it's lonely.
Somebody hopes that
someday you will see,
That somebody's me. Oh yeah...

You will always
be in my life, even if im not in your life.
Cause you're in my memory...

You, when you remember me?...
And before you set me free, oh listen
please...

Somebody wants you,
Somebody needs you.
Somebody
dreams about you every single night.
Somebody cant breathe, without you it's
lonely.
Somebody hopes that someday you will see, that somebody's me.
That somebody's me.
Somebody's me...
That somebody's me...
That
somebody's me...
Oh yeah...

its really a song for him. well.. seeing him online the whole day today, and not being able to talk to him. well, i'm getting used to it. darn shitty though. his gums and keychain's still with me. it's been 2 months since i made that wish. and its not coming true. not a little at all. its going into my list of never-will-be-fulfilled list.

better hit my pillows.
i need to work tml. =p
YH's last day.
Naz's transferred over.
Dinner with dear and mai i think. =)

happy 17 years and 2 months to myself.

tell me how. how to book a place in your heart.

Labels: lyrics, music, work

[ ♥ LIL SUPERHERO GIRL @ 23:35 ]

♥ .

Daily Propehts.

> my places <

i should seriously stop ponning work.
i reckon my pay this month is only 400+.
mummy's gonna kill me big time.

and.. she's not giving me allowance for march.
its gonna come out from my own pay! !$&$#$%@
good game.

watched 原来我不帅 for the morning.
wanted to catch CJ7 at princess.
but i decided to save money, stay home, and
practise my piano. goshgosh.

was blog-hopping just now, and i happened to see this post on yinling's blog..
dated nov 26,2006

last night met up with zhengjue, yiting, chuying and pris at roxy sq.around 9pm.
intended to meet up at school but i was late. lols.ate dinner and walked to
katong shopping centre to sing karaoke until 1am.

we took the smallest
room cos night charges are like much more ex. but we didnt expect it to be like
SO SMALL! LOL! its like even smaller than my bathroom can! lols. oh yeah man we
spent like a few minutes laughing at how small the bloody room was. hahaha! then
we spotted a sign. the "EXIT" sign on top of the tiny room door! LOL! yeah we
spend like duno how long laughing at the exit sign again.hahahah! its like in
such a tiny room, do you think there's any other exits?? hahahaha. yes yes
stupid signs.lol

anyway, the room was suffocated with cigarette smoke,
from other rooms of cos. and i HATE IT!! grr.
I HATE SMOKERS!

after
that we walked to east coast macs. grab a bite and played majong cards. we
started to think of forfeits and laugh like MAD! lols.

FORFEITS

sit on the baby chair
pretend to smoke with a rolled up tissue and
get a cup of water from the counter. when they say cannot smoke here then open
up the cigarette and reply but its only tissue.lol!
get a light from a
stranger with a rolled up tissue as cigarette
take the soap spray on top of
the bin, spray at the glass door and wipe.lols
get paper towel from the
counter, put at the collar like a baby and walk back.
pretend to read an
upside down book, walk to counter and get a cup of water.
we were like
talking abt it and laughing like mad people.lol. then i kena first leh! i became
part time macs for one minute! HAHA! i had to take the spray bottle, spray at
the glass door and wipe. LOL! damn malu. somemore they say everyone was looking
at me! ahhhh. and a couple behind us was like laughing at me lar! damn MALU! lol

then pris kena 2 times! lols. 1st was to read an upside down book and
walk to counter. lols. worst of all, when she was queuing up, a guy went to
queue behind her! HAHA! i think he saw and felt so weird abt it! hahaha! pris
second forfeit was the paper towel one. but its not as bad as mine lar. =X

then got 2 police came in, then a grp of pia kias left the macs. we were
like shit! cos we playing majong and under 18 years old. =X but they left after
quite some time. then all the pia kias came back again. singapore is like so
safe. hahaha.

then we walked out to the beach. saw police cars again. it
was around 4am then. sat down and play lame chinese word game.-.-" for a while
only la. then we started talking about stars. suddenly, we saw a shooting star!
its SUPER bright and the track it travelled was thick! DAMN PRETTY! :D yiting
was like damn happy about it cos she never seen a shooting star before. i feel
so lucky! hehehe!

i seriously miss those times. those nights we spent out tgt. coz they're the only ones who are willing to spend nights out, w/o sleeping and all. coz all my close friends now will nv be able to do that with me, even me myself cnt.

if my parents aren't as strict, i think, i'd be a person having late nights out rather often. i love the feeling of being out of home at night, w/o worrying about having people to rush you home. thats why i love camps, esp at night.

camps, then remind me of that very place i love sitting at when i was an NCO. the place where i'd do alot of thinking, yet could see things going on. the place i'd lie down and enjoy the stars. the place i cried at.that place. 3rd floor, outside the hall, use the back staircase. Li Lin knows.

then, there's the breakwaters near the end of ECP, towards airport. 1 March 2007. TJ FAU BBQ. with the aeroplanes taking off. the waves.

gosh. memories.

two

Labels: memories, work

[ ♥ LIL SUPERHERO GIRL @ 14:31 ]

♥ Wednesday 27 February 2008.

Daily Propehts.

> my true love is... <

YOUR TRUE LOVE IS THE ONE WHO LOVES YOU FOR EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE.

quoted from JUNO.

and so,
after slacking in front of my laptop for almost a day watching DNYBY ( i haven been watching it ), and starting on 原来我不帅.
at 3.40pm, i decided to join nightmare at PS to watch JUNO.
changed and trained down.
reached at 4.45. hehheh.
watched the movie.
trained home. haha
THANKS NIGHTMARE FOR SENDING ME TO BEDOK!! haha
he was bored, so he trained with me to bedok and caught a train back home. haha.. thanksthanks.

JUNO was okok. but i felt that it was quite short. 1 hour plus, compared to P.S I LOVE YOU.. was over 2 hours. i actually prefer P.S, its more touching ba. JUNO was rather funny.
actually wanted to catch CJ7 tml with YH after work, BUT, he's not working tml!! ahhh!! nvm..

that aside. what i quoted above is so true. and i start asking myself yet again. when will this true love appear.

Endless Road - JJ Lin

The truth is
tearing up my heart
I can't recognise this place
The endless road
without a stop sign
Can't even find a stranger this time

chorus
Why am I still holding back my tears
In this loneliness there's nothing
left to fear
Every chord still seems a wonder
How we could be together
Everytime I ask if this would be the last

Why am I still talking to
myself
Hoping you will have the keys to my cell
Every song might calm
the weather
But it just draws me deeper
How do I get out of this
I
think~ I never will

A crystal forming in the eye
Maybe this would be
the last
The winding path down my face
Till I begin to taste the
bitterness inside

Repeat chorus

Why am I still holding back my
tears
In this loneliness there's nothing left to fear
Every chord still
seems a wonder
How we could be together
Everytime I ask if this would be
the last

Why am I still talking to myself
Hoping you will have the
keys to my cell
Every song might calm the weather
But it just draws me
deeper
How do I get out of this
I think~ I never will

I never
will

i'm hooked to this song. and i love the lyrics alot. =/

shall cont watching 原来我不帅. =p

i want you to be the cheese on my macaroni.

Labels: lyrics, movie

[ ♥ LIL SUPERHERO GIRL @ 22:47 ]

♥ .

Daily Propehts.

> alone and together <

If we're in this alone, we're in this together.

[update @ 12:34]

ain't working today. just don't feel like it. which makes it 3 days of leave this month, in addition to all the CNY hols, my pay's gonna plunge like !$%^&#.

shall blog abt yest.

met up with LOVE after work at DG mrt. walked to THE CATHAY. basement-ed and had SHILIN. walked around, waiting for the movie to start.

Saw DEAR on the way up. DEAR was going down. lols. so glad to see DEAR!!=))

bought popcorn & nachos into the cinema. it was our dinner ok!.

P.S I LOVE YOU is rather toughing. quite funny in the beginning, but it got more cry-able as the show moved it. i was tearing towards the end. i had to stuff myself with popcorn to stop myself from crying la.

and after the movie, we mrt-ed home! =)

wonderful night. haven't been out at night for a long long time.

our dinner =p

i'm doing nothing at home. i just don't feel like playing the piano. practice at night. rawrs.

waiting for DEAR to wake up and see if can go catch another movie. hehx. JUNO!! gosh.

shall cont slacking. =))

[/UPDATE]

had a great night with my LOVE yest.
blog more tonight. =)

魔羯座
很有责任心的魔羯，永远认为让心爱的女人幸福是他人生最重要的使命。想要他多关心你，就表现出不开心的样子，自然就会问你发生了什么事。

its true yet again.

like drawing spirals.
i determine when i want to stop drawing.
when will i be able to stop myself from drawing on and on?

I SAW MY DEAREST DEAR YEST!! =D

Labels: happy

[ ♥ LIL SUPERHERO GIRL @ 08:40 ]

♥ Monday 25 February 2008.

Daily Propehts.

> thousand <

my sms counter reads.
347
and that's since 11FEB08.

my mind says.
GOOD GIRL PRIS.

lols
serious. ever since i got my free 1000 sms free, i've been struggling to keep within the limit, with me exceeding last month and having to pay the excess myself.

BUT, look at this month's its almost half a month gone, and i am still rather far from half-way mark. cool aye.
BUT that's coz loser ain't here for me to whine. and the feeling sucks big time. everything is inside my own mind, filling it to the brim already. my phone's been quiet, and always, out of habit, i keep checking my phone for msges, when there isn't any. wtf. gosh. can loser come back quickquick!! so i can whine again!! there's no one who can take my whines like loser!!

and so!
i was happy today!! coz my phone became ALIVE (accord to nightmare). yeaa. msged nightmare.. haha.. and i made his usually-dead phone alive!! muahahha. lalalala.

本周运势 24 Feb - 1 Mar

魔羯座

本周魔羯座的朋友们，周日、周一适合把家里及办公室全部打扫干净，把堆积已久的文件全部清除，良好的工作环境，可以提升你的工作效率哦！周二、周三是你本
周最忙的两天，你会为了处理某件事情，脑筋要不停的转动，而且还要跟很多人沟通，直到事情解决你才会安心，周四到周六会为了让某件事情可以快速结束，你必
须花加倍的效率来把他完成，周末假日你会想脱离城市的拥挤，到景色宜人郊区散心，让自己可以好好放轻松。

lols. i cleaned my room yest alrd. so hahah.. lols

spent my night looking randomly for songs and found quite a few. *beams*
did appraisal for the loner nightmare. THANK ME!! muahahhaha.

and i'm gonna sleep now!
tml's P.S I LOVE YOU with LOVE at night!! =DD

NIGHTS PEOPLE!!

别爱我像爱个朋友

Labels: happy, random

[ ♥ LIL SUPERHERO GIRL @ 23:56 ]

♥ Sunday 24 February 2008.

Daily Propehts.

> 安静 <

the title explains my day.

安静. totally.

i didn feel like talking.

and it sorta pissed my mum off.

and i was packing my room.

and i found the score book i bought in yunnan.

the one with the jay chou songs inside.

and i turned to this song. sat myself down at the piano and learned how to play it without giving up.

and the song is...

安静.

nightmare was playing it yest.

on that spoilt piano in the canteen.

and it sorta influenced me.

lols.

was reading the papers today.

and one of the main story was abt.

SINGAPORE WOMEN'S EXPECTATIONS TOO HIGH. or something like this la.

and they mentioned that many s'porean females expect their guys to

1. pay for their meals

2. send them safely home.

3. open car doors for them.

4. dress up for occasions e.g. anniversary.

5. carry handbags for them. (50% of surveyed)

when i read it, i was wtf-ing all the way. seriously.

to me, those are materialistic measures of a guy. ok, maybe except for sending me safely home.

seriously, so what if they don't do all those above. does it mean that the guy isn a good guy/bf? i think its about the image the girl wants to portray? show others how sweet the guy is? how lucky she is to have such a guy?

stupid thinking really.

esp the carrying of handbags. i've always been disgusted by guys carrying handbags for the bfs. i think it enhances gay factor. really. i cnt imagine my bf carrying my handbag for me. i'd be embarrassed!! gosh. i've always told my bro to NOT carry his gf's handbag for her in the future. its just such an.. eyesore la. haha.=x

mummy has always taught me to stand on my own. no $$, don't spend. always do things that i can manage by myself. so i never expect my guy to pay for me, or open the car door for me. coz they're things i can do myself.

its sincerity that matters in the materialistic side of a relationship. i never expect much from my guy.

i just want him to TRUELY love me for who i am, care for me, appreciate my plus points, respect me and my beliefs, accept my bad points. thats all. seriously. i don't need him to be handsome, tall, rich, have six-packs or whatever. i just want someone who can do all those above. thats all. that simple.

and i wonder when i will ever find that him.

i spent some time doing the collages again

and i find that, 2 pics per collage is just nice!

here you go.

i added the plastic bag background. haha. looks better?

something different. for yunnan ocip.

for eyegang! see the background and you will see my LOVE's face. she's the center of them all. thats why she's my LOVE <3>

and the FINALE!

DEAR!!! <3<3<3

its a new week tml.
i shall start AFRESH!! =)

我要我自己坚强

知道我能做到

我就要活得比从前更好

Labels: food for thought

[ ♥ LIL SUPERHERO GIRL @ 23:28 ]

♥ Saturday 23 February 2008.

Daily Propehts.

> beeaauuuttiiiifffullll <

i was playing around with this new picture editing programme!
and i found this!! weee~

one for the buddies.

and one for LOVE!

shall do more.. for Li Lin, DEAR.. when i take more photos with them!!

[UPDATE]

i was going through the limited pictures i have in my lappie.
and i did..

TADA!!!

FOR Li Lin!!

her favourite flower!!

haha

i took the pictures of the flowers myself kkays.

that time when i went to buy flowers with mummy. haha..

time to lame with Li Lin

then slp!

nights!!

highing

[/UPDATE]

Labels: random

[ ♥ LIL SUPERHERO GIRL @ 23:49 ]

♥ .

Daily Propehts.

> beautifool saturday <

register with me if you are one of those who smiles and wants me to! =D

haha. lamee.

BACK FROM SINGAPORE RED CROSS SOCIETY FLAG DAY 2008.
haha.
what a nice way to spend a beautifool saturday.

i interacted and lamed around with my buddies!
haha..
KK, LM, NIGHTMARE!

haha. i think although there wasn much to do.
we had a lil fun?
with the *er-hem er-hem* entertainment..
annd the photo taking nightmare suddenly suggested.

ain't regretting spending my saturday like this.
rather fun. =))

PLUS,
I SAW DEARRRRR!!! gosh.. i miss DEAR!!

pics pics..

lee min, pris, act-cute ambrose, act-cute ken khoon

number one from ten multiple shots.

won't post the rest. damn funnay thou

the bags of cans.. look like rubbish hor

the pooh bear LM picked up on the bus and brose abused it.

i admit i was emo-ing a lil when i was free.. and waiting for the van to come.
and i sorta took pics while waiting for the van to come..

i love the architecture of the bottom of the rotunda.. clean lines..

pris was a guai girl and she tucked in her rc tee today! =D

finally talking to LOVE online again. watching P.S I LOVE YOU with her on tues!! yayness!! i love my LOVE!!! =DD

i need to have determination!! nightmare says i'm emoing again. somehow, i really think.. i'm sorta used to this kind of feelings alrd. it just happens and i'll just silence/cry over it and it'll be over. until another feeling comes.
LOVE told me something that DEAR told me before. really, i know it alrd. though it affects me, it isn really that affecting.. seriously. as long as i don't get a definate reply from him i wont be able to let go. even if i do get the answer, i really wonder how long i'll take to get it over again. i totally have no idea. lots of first given.. i wonder what i will have in return. i don't know.

and i cam-whored again after so long.
ending off..

time oh time.
will you be the solution to everything?

Labels: happy, red cross

[ ♥ LIL SUPERHERO GIRL @ 22:30 ]

♥ .

Daily Propehts.

> fading notes <

gosh.
pris ponned music lesson again.

i really wonder why i'm struggling to continue music lessons.
because every lesson is a reluctant one.
for me. and i'm sure for her

totally losing my interest in piano alrd.
or rather boring pieces.
exams pieces. scales.
i seriously hate them.

i feel like i'm practising for exams and only exams.
and everytime i fail, i just feel stupid.
brings my morale down.
and that is when i practise and i don't get results.

but seriously speaking.
i touch my piano once a week.
when i'm at lessons.
i seriously have no time to practise.
if i really need, i'd have sacrifice comp time.
gosh.

i've always preferred songs scores..
those songs la..
with lyrics and that i'm familiar with.
sometimes, when i touch my piano, i'd rather play those than my exam pieces

damnit seriously.
i have to go for that grade 8 exam.
cnt waste $$.
and i need to PASS IT!
gosh.

someone save me!!!

.....................

that aside.
mummy was nagging me again
for not being able to adapt to my new workplace. oh whatever..
i really need a life lor.
everyday is just home, work, home.
nothing else.
the only time i can be a lil more happy is when i meet up with rachel and yh for lunch.
and with yh and rachel leaving soon, i'd be alone again. goshgosh.
i want a transfer back to rainbow!!

andandand.
i want a new NIKE BOTTLE!! rawrs. =.=
i used my bro's one the other day
and i want one too!
i want the pink one! think i saw it before.
the one with the hard casing and the clipclip thing.
i think its chio la!
haha. shall pester mummy to buy for me!!

andandand.
i want to go SHOPPING!!!
OG's having 70% sale la.
gosh. mummy's haven't been there
meaning we'll be going soon! i think..
OG is so much less aunty-ish than last time.
i need to get formal. =p

shall slack ard more
before going for RC FLAG DAY.. =p

spoilt tune

Labels: music, shopping, work

[ ♥ LIL SUPERHERO GIRL @ 09:45 ]

♥ Friday 22 February 2008.

Daily Propehts.

> destructive sweets <

guys can be the sweetest thing one can have.
but they can also also be most destructive creature too.

i'm amused by my own actions yesterday night.
amused. shocked. i totally cannot believe i typed those.
but at least i got what i wanted.
satisfied.

if its love, it one sided.
but i don't really care.
because i will when i believe.
even it doesn come through,
at least i have the memories.

i need my dose of alcohol.
i want to forget all these again.
for the moment.

and i realise i take after ah-gong
alcohol-addict.
i miss ah-gong.
if he's still with us
i'd not be crying alone.
i'd be crying to him.

and i think i need inspiration to continue working at HQ man.
i'm seriously going crazy.
i want a transfer back to rainbow.
or..
i'll quit end of this month. gosh.
seriously, i'd rather be packed and watched by supervisors.
then being down there all on my own.

i wonder when i can meet him again.

anw..

星座身体语言分析

摩羯座
　　
脸型有点长，不过身材通常很好，有强壮的大腿。

gosh. so true.

只要你能听到我
看到我的全心全意

Labels: emo, horoscope, work

[ ♥ LIL SUPERHERO GIRL @ 22:59 ]

♥ Thursday 21 February 2008.

Daily Propehts.

> cocktail <

..: -٭٭٭†° äMB®ø§ε °†٭٭٭- ~~ [SGDOD]+Major Brose+Sr ~~ :..
New HP No: 90065987 said:
come! wish me!
last one!

pris the
crybaby said:
iGOOD LUCKKKKK!!!!

..: -٭٭٭†° äMB®ø§ε °†٭٭٭- ~~
[SGDOD]+Major Brose+Sr ~~ :.. New HP No: 90065987 said:
:):):):)
hahahaa
woohooO!
okok
pris rocks my socks!

THANK YOU NIGHTMAREEEE!!!
haha.. he made my night/day.
gosh. it has been a long time since someone said that to me! haha.
and i swear everytime i talk to nightmare online, we're both zi-highing lorr.
but its fun.
its ESCAPADE!!
so,
THANK YOU NIGHTMAREEEE!! i simply love my nightmare for everything he does.. so kuku yet it cheers me up!! woooo~~

.............

i guess that was the only thing that could make me struggle through the day.
as usual, i got nagged by mummy early in the morning.
then i was a little late for work, coz i left home late and the bus came late.
then the 2nd floor was horrible. i felt caged. except for 4 walls, and the ceiling and the floor, the tables and the chairs, the computers and the documents, the EA stuff and the 2 other ppl, there was simply nothing. not even a window can. its worse than jail!
i was seriously going crazy, and as usual, i went to the toilet and cried. not before i msged LOVE that i felt like crying. i simply had a spliting headache which made me want to go home. not to mention the whole stack of forms which i couldn figure out how to scan. gosh. what a bad day.
lunch was superly ex. had no appetite and wasted at least half of my bowl of porridge which cost me 4 freaking bucks.
lunch after work was more bearable with my sour plum, but it was still bad. i felt real cooped inside. i felt worse than a jailbird. facing nothing but the computer and the wall. even radio was unable to perk me.
i msged des. and didn get a reply. well, i didn expect one immediately too. disappointed i was not.
couldn take it. left at 6.20. who cares about me!? my supervisor went off before me. there was no one to watch me.

just received des's reply. i'm feeling real guilty now. sheesh.
hey des, if you ever read this, i'm sorry, really sorry. it has always been me to complain about my own things. and you'd always be there to cheer me on, even though you're having it worse than me. i'm sorry for always imposing my pain on you. you've always been here, picking me up, no matter what. for that, thank you. really! no number of thank yous will be enough. its your optimism and helpfulness that keeps me going everyday. i really hope everything goes right for you. because you being happy will make me happy too! thank you and ilu.

i'm having real mixed feelings now.
i am still the crybaby i was yest and the days before and the years before.

i skipped yest's one.
shall just post today's.

星座不能失去的东西?

摩羯座最怕失去的东西：信任
摩羯座是一个圆滑，无论在任何情况下都和上司相处得很好的星座，如果因为某些事使上司对他们失去了原本的信任，会让他痛不欲生的。

i think its sososo true. not the first time i'm reading about this trust thingy. trust needs to exist in everything in life. friends. family.

i'm feeling something which i've never felt before. i should not be feeling this way.
i need time to clear my mind again.

before i go,
GOOD LUCK NIGHTMAREEEE!! for your final paper! may you achieve your straight As!!
be honoured ok! you're having this on my blog when you're not my dear or love! hahaha
nightmare rocks my socks too! =D

明天你將離我有多遠

Labels: emo, work

[ ♥ LIL SUPERHERO GIRL @ 21:37 ]

♥ .

Daily Propehts.

> dream <

mummy has a ipod video with the bigbig mirror behind
i play happily with it
talking to my friends
suddenly
"********"
his nickname sounded.
i turn around.

and i woke up.
i will nv put that nick up. its btwn me, him, and elvin

Labels: random

[ ♥ LIL SUPERHERO GIRL @ 08:39 ]

♥ Wednesday 20 February 2008.

Daily Propehts.

> have you seen my bucket of tears <

i've always been called a cry baby by my relatives.
i used to not admit it.
but as i grew older.
i'm beginning to accept the fact that i am indeed a crybaby.
a very big one indeed
i cry over lil things. i cry over everything.
i cry ,

when things don't meet my expectations

when i'm bored

when i'm crazy

when i'm alone at night

when my msges go unreplied

when dates are cancelled
when i'm stressed

when i listen to songs

when i watch sad movies

when i'm sick

when mummy doesn buy me what i want

when daddy jokingly insults me
when bro takes my soft toys

when I scream at mummy

when i think of ah-gong

when i miss des

when i try to make myself let go

when my friends don't know that i'm sad
when i learn that i'd unknowingly made my friend sad.

when my friends are sadd. esp LOVE

when i cnt play my piano well.

when i cnt do my drills perfectly.

when i realise i am not a leader

when i'm running late
when i'm homesick

basically i cry over everything and anything.

i'm not that strong and hardy person people see me as. others may see me as this girl who's confident and strong and does not cry easily. but all those are just that outer shell of me. the shell that was trained out due to the circumstances i've been in. camps, family, friends.
camps. one aim. never give up, continue till the end.
family. one reason. you're even in more fault when you cry.
friends. one rule. never spoil their happiness with your crying.

and that is why not many have really seen me cry. probably only my 2 gfs. Li Lin and LOVE. only they've seen me cry. and of course some of the OCIP ppl when i cried in yunnan. apart from them, only Li Lin and LOVE have seen me cry.
Li Lin in particular. ever since sec 3 when we became super close.. she's seen me cry numerous times, over KY, but mostly rc stuff.
LOVE, in recent times, feel my tears most of the times when i cry coz of des. she nv really sees me cry, but she knows when i'm crying. she's by far, the only one, to be able to detect my emo-ness by chatting with me.

as much as i hate myself for being such a cry baby, i cnt help it. its just me. i grew up in an environment where i had to fend for myself. growing up with grandparents and male cousins, ain't the best way to make one strong. when i was young, i cried to gain attention. when i grew older, i cried because i was sad. now, i cry because of everything. how ironic.

i guess w/o my friends to accompany me through, i'd have cried my eyes blind. this specially applies to LOVE and LOSER! esp, loser. if he hasn been there to entertain my whine and emo-ness, i'd be crying very often because i've got no release outlet. thanks loser.
and LOVE, if it wasn her to emo with me, so i'd have to comfort her, i;d be crying very often at night too! thanks LOVE!v<3
and DEAR too. she hates me to cry. she always wants me to be stronger. and always i'd try. and when i fail, she forgive me and it makes me feel guilty and make me wanna be stronger. oh my dear DEAR!

i blogged about this because i felt a lil irritated with myself for crying alot. and this came about when i was crying in the office toilet. i had no one to talk to, no music to accompany me, all the documents they asked me to scan felt so foreign, was afraid that i'd have lots of rejects and they'd complain and i'd lose my job. i felt stressed and lonely. there was no loser. so i went to the toilet and cried. when i came out of the cubicle and saw myself in the mirror, i felt loser-ish. =.=

in conclusion, no one has ever seen my full bucket of tears. but call me crybaby for all you want. coz i am a crybaby. period.

will you even know..

Labels: character, emo

[ ♥ LIL SUPERHERO GIRL @ 23:19 ]

♥ Tuesday 19 February 2008.

Daily Propehts.

> time. <

i suddenly thought of this stupid way to blog today. sheesh.

8.30am, at home, in front of my lappie
came online and saw des's offline msg. random yet it managed to make me smile =D

8.45am, at home, still in front of my lappie
was browsing through friendster.. saw this comment by someone for someone. so omg la.. the msg put across is so ~~damn bloody~~ clear. freak. desperate? i dunno. must tell DEAR abt it la. she'll tell me what it means!! for now, it makes me irk.. ewwss

9.20am, on the way to work, aboard bus 7
listening to the radio now and they're playing the song STAND UP FOR SINGAPORE. so damn cute la. making me smile. so much for supporting S'pore for YOG. haha. feel so national day-y. lols. perking me up. now i cnt sleep on the bus alrd!

11.50am, prinsep house, in front of my work terminal
just got to know that i'll be transferred to main to work permanently. arghs.. i don't want.. no one to talk to me there. =(( if its because they want to make use of my good satistics to finish up the backlog there, i'd rather have lousy statistics then. feel so cooped. damn weird w/o loser for me to whine to!! sheesh.

1.25pm, on the way back from lunch
walking on my own with 2 lil ~~bitches~~girls talking behind me. damn. they're irritating can. keep talking abt low pay and all. can't you be glad that you've got a job now and stop the irritating nonsense. AND how i wish you'd stop calling me short. f***! annie was saying that i cnt wear jeans to work when i'm at main. sheesh. i need more formal clothes!! THAT BLACK JEANS!! SPONSORS!!???

3.10pm, prinsep house, in front of my work terminal
dead stuck on the song, WHEN YOU BELIEVE. the lyrics are.. i dunno.. its meant for ppl to believe, but i don't believe the lyrics. you will when you believe, i will fail if i believe aye. seriously, miracles nv come to me no matter how hard i believe. WHERE'S LOSERRRR!!

5.37pm, prinsep house, in the toilet
finally forced myself to leave the song. the office damn cold, its only me that feels so. so i'm in the toilet now, peeing the water i drank. lols. feeling real emo now. everything inside me, no one to tell to.. loser's not here. only me, my phone and i.

6.15pm, prinsep house, in front of work terminal
work's ending soon!! i'm real bored and slack and stoned. been drawing kuku smiley faces to make myself smile. but its so totally not working. even minesweepers ain cheering me up. sucks. must be that comment taking its effects now. damndamndamn!

7.10pm, on the way home, aboard bus 7
cnt slp again. so affected by that comment, plus the 2 !#$$% saying i'm short. and that i'm cute only when i laugh. fruck! and the stupid man behind me sneezing and couging. irritating and dirty! gosh! LOSERRR!!

8.00pm, at home, dining table
discussing with daddy about appeal to NP. got a definate NO. said what its too far, scholarships can also apply myself after year 3. if only they'd make more effort la. i mean, look at CL's dad. gosh. BIG DIFF!!

10:20pm, at home, in front of lappie
just sent him the song. and thats all for convo. well. i didn expect much. geesh. hate the night.

yay. that was my day. all were recorded by typing in my phone. no faking or whatsoever pls. quite evident that i'm over reliant on loser for emotional whining and release.

the smileys

numo SATU

numo DUA

and the became friends!!

but you ain't cheering me up by hiding there

today's

星座穿衣服品位评价

魔羯座——7分
　　经典的设计与剪裁常令你看来神采飞扬。但别忘了加一点色彩，它可以让你的创意得以尽情发挥。

changed my blog song again. so here,

WHEN YOU BELIEVE (Mariah
Carey & Whithney Houston)

Many nights
we've
prayed
With no
proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a
hopeful song
We barely
understood
Now we are not afraid
Although
we know there's
much to
fear
We were moving mountains
Long
before we knew we could

Chorus:
There can be miracles
When you
believe
Though hope
is frail
It's hard to kill
Who knows what
miracles
You can
achieve
When you believe
Somehow you will, (Now
you will (3rd Chorus
through))
You will when you believe

In this
time of fear
When
prayer so
often proves in vain
Hope seemed
like the summer birds
Too
swiftly flown
away
Yet now I'm
standing here
My heart's so full, I
can't explain
Seeking faith and
speaking words
I never thought I'd say

Chorus

So in times
when all your hope is gone
And you go
through life
afraid
In
your heart there lies a hopeful song
That is
there to guide
the way
And all the hurt and all the pain
You soon
will learn was not in
vain
For all your prayers, they will be heard
They'll come to pass
through faith

Chorus

sleeping timmeeee!!

i left too many ends untied and tripped myself over with them

Labels: lyrics, work

[ ♥ LIL SUPERHERO GIRL @ 22:44 ]

♥ .

Daily Propehts.

> 7:45 <

SINGAPORE POLY..
here i come
with a less than very willing heart.

i will do my best
for me myself i.

lols.
JIE no more.
NP no more.
gosh.

and i just saw something on friendster that made my jaws drop.
zomg,.
so obvious laa..
stupid bitch.

workworkwork

Labels: random

[ ♥ LIL SUPERHERO GIRL @ 08:35 ]

♥ Monday 18 February 2008.

Daily Propehts.

> shout it out <

jie forwarded this story to me, which i almost cried after reading it. so i decided to post it here for you guys to read too

10th Grade

As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so-called 'best friend'. I stared at her long, silky hair. I wished she were mine, but she didn't notice me like that. And I knew it. Afterclass she walkedup to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before, and I handed them to her. She said 'thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her. I wanted her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why.

11th Grade

The phone rang. It was her on the other end. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, a Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said 'thanks,' and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her. I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why.

12th Grade

The day before prom she walked to my locker. 'My date issick,' she said. He's not going to go. Well, I didn't have a date and in 7th grade we made a promise that if neither of us had dates we would go together just as 'best friends,' so we did. Prom night after everything was over I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her. She smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she doesn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said, 'I had the best time, thanks!' and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her. I wanther to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why...

Graduation Day

A day passed. A week passed. A month passed. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home,she came to me in her smock and hat, and she cried as I hugged her. Then, she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, 'You're my best friend, thanks!' and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her. I want her toknow that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why…

A Few Years Later

Now, I sit in the pews of the church. She is getting married, now. Iwatched her say, 'I do' and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said, 'You came!' She said, 'thanks!' and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her. I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why...

Funeral

yrs passed, and I looked down at the coffin of the girlwho used to be my best friend.' At the service they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he were mine. But he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him. I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love him, but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me… i wish I did too… i thought to myself, and Icried.

i think the story is so true. but everytime, its not this easy to make your true feelings known. seriously. i mean even between close friends, there's always this facade there, whats more with someone you love. for myself, i think i will never walk out of my habit of liking someone and not telling them. its just me. because i know not to lift my hopes high, coz it'll hurt more when i fall. furthermore, no one has spurred me to verbalise my feelings. until elvin came and broke my habit in this on-going eposode. well, that was a once-off and i'm like super sure it'll nv happen again. because it f***ing hurts right now. total regret.

was blog-hopping just now and came across this one-liner by a friend. hey friend, you know something, i have learnt to not trust you anymore. because i always know the answer. the know-your-feeling ability is getting lesser by the day. each time a qtn is posed, i will know your definate ans, even though you give a indefinate one. dont think yourself as the one-liner, because you might just describing your friend here. i wonder when our tele will come back.

i've told a few friends about this saying i've heard over the radio i think.

"secondary school friends are the ones who will be your longest lasting
friends."

i used to believe it. yet now, slowly, i'm not really swearing by it anymore. i feel that the friends i make outside sec sch are providing me more support than my sec sch friends. no offence though. ppl like LOVE, nightmare, des. they seems to listen to me more, and understand what i really need at each point of time. esp eli LOVE. seriously speaking, she's the only one i come online for. to chat with her every night. because i can release some of the unhappiness and share my happiness. she's the only one who will genuinely share them with me. and vice versa. no one else can provide that anymore. not even the one i used to trust and tried to hard to keep it up. well. this is part and parcel of life. friends come and go, but i will always try my best to hold on to everyone! =D

loser's going to INDIA tml. 3 weeks. siansiansian. means no one for me to complain and whine to. gosh.

posting's out tml. sians. tuesday date with LOVE cancelled. double sians. but at least i can cont'd saving so i can go for the much awaited shopping with LOVE at ease. =)

本周运势 19th - 25th Feb
魔羯座投资得利，财运亨通，但要谨防来得快去得急；一下骨头酸痛，一下肚子不舒服，健康亮红灯，浑身不对劲；出外游玩，易生旅游纠纷或与同行者发生口角。

and i suddenly miss him alot.

shall sleep early. promised LOVE to

傻瓜也許單純得多
愛得沒那麼做作
愛上了我不保留

Labels: friends, meaningful storys

[ ♥ LIL SUPERHERO GIRL @ 22:43 ]

♥ Sunday 17 February 2008.

Daily Propehts.

> closed <

home from family dinner.
dinner-ed at IMPERIAL TREAUSRES at great world city.
food's not bad. esp the steamed cake and cookie!! =p
but it costs approx 300 bucks per family of 4.
so ex can!

but i had real fun with the cousins.
i think we're getting dirtier in our minds but yet closer as the years passes.
i love my cousins =)

megan, clara, pris

moving on.

i've been very open nowadays about my education route. i don't really mind telling people i failed promos and am waiting to enter poly. i can tell my juniors, who once admired me for my good results. i can tell my relatives.

BUT, one person i still cnt talk openly with is non other than my mum. seriously. i totally hate it when she brings it up because in some way or another, i feel insulted when she talks about it.

and so today, she brought it up again and i got real pissed at screamed at her and cried. and guess how she managed to approach the topic.

by talking about AGE. like WTF!?

somehow, there's still this spiritual distance between me and mum that i am still unable to overcome la. i always get easily irritated when i'm around her. i am unable to talk about things with her around. even when i'm talking to my cousins, i am unable to express myself freely. there're alot of things i will nv want her to know. not that i don't trust her, just that, she isn exactly the kind of mum who i want to tell my things to.

oh whatever. i'm not supposed to give up on improving my relationship with my mum.

and yes, when i was crying after screaming, the first person i thought of was des. oh well..

random photos..

CNY at ah-ma hse.

the rare pic of my ~~ahbeng~~ brother with his b'day cake.

my cute nai-nai & ye-ye. love them loads

our gold trophy!!! =DDD *beams*

SQUAD 33!!

am so not looking forward to work tml. i will have no lunch because i only have 90cents in my wallet now. gosh. DIE. cnt take money from mummy alrd. =( diet! =p

tues prob meeting LOVE at bugis for her sudden-urge-shopping. ha. she spend i watch. ha.

and DEAR!!! TAKE CARE OF YOUR ANKLE!!!

[UPDATE]

i was playing around with the programmes in my lappie. and i found this movie maker programme. damn cool. i think i am so living in the past. i think it has been ard for eons. haha. \hmm. when i get enough pics from eyegang, shall do one for eyegang. was testing out with my own zilian pics. =p

shall go zzzzz

[/update]

我会笑著脸看著你高飞

Labels: family

[ ♥ LIL SUPERHERO GIRL @ 22:26 ]

♥ Saturday 16 February 2008.

Daily Propehts.

> memories tainted red <

" CHAMPIONS OF EAST DISTRICT GOES TO SQUAD 33, TANJONG KATONG SECONDARY SCHOOL! "

omg.
that moment.
was really sweet.
the squad stood up.
we supporters stood up.

finally,
at that very same venue,
where we lost the champion trophy 2 years ago
we got it back again!!
and they went even further.
THEY GOT INTO THE FINALS!!
something tkrcy has nv been able to achieve in eons.

even though we didn clinch top 3 in nationals.
i'm still real proud of them
new format. something never tried before.
we managed to climb all the way up and clinch 2 trophies this year.

as quoted bt reinaldo sir,

" we walk in as losers, we walk out as WINNERS!"

how apt.

after the whole thing ended.
paulina, aaron, shun him, verity, wee zong, serena, kk sir, haoning and i treated the squad to pizza hut at tpy.
we sponsored them 100 bucks for 4 large pizzas.
and they were hopping happy! =)
though i burnt a hole in my pocket.
its all worth it!

typing all those above,
made me think over my 4 years as a cadet/NCO of tkrcy.

SEC 1. tough. with huda ma'am and chee keong sir as VIs. me and yiting really hated trgs. always wanted to pon. threatened to quit. didn have a good year.
SEC 2. things got better. had more interest in trgs. started to like fd. AOP. execution of proposals. became super buddies with yiting and chuying. slacked at trgs with them. back
SEC 3. backstabbing became apparent. passed the chance to participate in FDC. regretted. plan camp. squad crisis. squad trashing. nightmare as VI.got wind abt rumours that i was the best candidate for chairman. strongly rejected the idea of being in exco for fear of spoining frdship with yt and cy. decided to take up challenge after persuasion from yt&cy. disappointed with being vice-chair. slacked as VC. left saikang a.k.a scoldings and everything bad to chairman. tortured cadets during fd lessons. ULP. became in love with rc. met new friends. became more confident.
SEC 4. superman tan as YO. tough times. rushing proposals and events. distanced from yt&cy. DOUBLE GOLD. fdc crisis. pissed at myself for not volunteering to be commander for fdc. screwed fdc. lost champion trophy. squad split with hn and isaac one side. others the other. became much more bonded as a team excluding hn. patched up with her. last camp as cadet of tkrcy. quarrels with yt,cy, yl. got my SWO rank. cried lots. stepping down. went back regularly to help out. things became lots better. rallied against idea of lm getting DA.
YEAR 2007. trained squad for fdc. tried joining VIP. quit after 1 CS. stopped commitments. signed up as non-uniformed volunteer.
YEAR 2008. trying to commit more to redcross.

no doubt my 4 years in tkrcy was super rocky and no doubt unhappy. BUT 4 years in tkrcy made me stronger as a person. esp after ULP. no doubt, my squad was the smallest and slackest committee in tkrcy history, we managed to pave the way for tkrcy's greater heights, that making me super proud to be a TKRCY CADET. whats' more, we still meet up every half year for squad outings. something i didn expect.
our squad. TKRCY 0307. my pride. my joy. my tears.

last but not least,

I LOVE TKRCY!!
i feel real relieved seeing the batches becoming more and more uniited. =))

i had a really good day.
you?

shall go off to slp.
have to go temple tml.
then family dinner at night.

i love everyone!
esp YOU! =D

Labels: happy, memories

[ ♥ LIL SUPERHERO GIRL @ 22:59 ]