♥ pris}

♥ Wednesday, 20 February 2008.

Daily Propehts.

> have you seen my bucket of tears <

i've always been called a cry baby by my relatives.
i used to not admit it.
but as i grew older.
i'm beginning to accept the fact that i am indeed a crybaby.
a very big one indeed
i cry over lil things. i cry over everything.
i cry ,

when things don't meet my expectations

when i'm bored

when i'm crazy

when i'm alone at night

when my msges go unreplied

when dates are cancelled
when i'm stressed

when i listen to songs

when i watch sad movies

when i'm sick

when mummy doesn buy me what i want

when daddy jokingly insults me
when bro takes my soft toys

when I scream at mummy

when i think of ah-gong

when i miss des

when i try to make myself let go

when my friends don't know that i'm sad
when i learn that i'd unknowingly made my friend sad.

when my friends are sadd. esp LOVE

when i cnt play my piano well.

when i cnt do my drills perfectly.

when i realise i am not a leader

when i'm running late
when i'm homesick

basically i cry over everything and anything.

i'm not that strong and hardy person people see me as. others may see me as this girl who's confident and strong and does not cry easily. but all those are just that outer shell of me. the shell that was trained out due to the circumstances i've been in. camps, family, friends.
camps. one aim. never give up, continue till the end.
family. one reason. you're even in more fault when you cry.
friends. one rule. never spoil their happiness with your crying.

and that is why not many have really seen me cry. probably only my 2 gfs. Li Lin and LOVE. only they've seen me cry. and of course some of the OCIP ppl when i cried in yunnan. apart from them, only Li Lin and LOVE have seen me cry.
Li Lin in particular. ever since sec 3 when we became super close.. she's seen me cry numerous times, over KY, but mostly rc stuff.
LOVE, in recent times, feel my tears most of the times when i cry coz of des. she nv really sees me cry, but she knows when i'm crying. she's by far, the only one, to be able to detect my emo-ness by chatting with me.

as much as i hate myself for being such a cry baby, i cnt help it. its just me. i grew up in an environment where i had to fend for myself. growing up with grandparents and male cousins, ain't the best way to make one strong. when i was young, i cried to gain attention. when i grew older, i cried because i was sad. now, i cry because of everything. how ironic.

i guess w/o my friends to accompany me through, i'd have cried my eyes blind. this specially applies to LOVE and LOSER! esp, loser. if he hasn been there to entertain my whine and emo-ness, i'd be crying very often because i've got no release outlet. thanks loser.
and LOVE, if it wasn her to emo with me, so i'd have to comfort her, i;d be crying very often at night too! thanks LOVE!v<3
and DEAR too. she hates me to cry. she always wants me to be stronger. and always i'd try. and when i fail, she forgive me and it makes me feel guilty and make me wanna be stronger. oh my dear DEAR!

i blogged about this because i felt a lil irritated with myself for crying alot. and this came about when i was crying in the office toilet. i had no one to talk to, no music to accompany me, all the documents they asked me to scan felt so foreign, was afraid that i'd have lots of rejects and they'd complain and i'd lose my job. i felt stressed and lonely. there was no loser. so i went to the toilet and cried. when i came out of the cubicle and saw myself in the mirror, i felt loser-ish. =.=

in conclusion, no one has ever seen my full bucket of tears. but call me crybaby for all you want. coz i am a crybaby. period.

will you even know..

Labels: character, emo

[ ♥ LIL SUPERHERO GIRL @ 23:19 ]

♥ Thursday, 14 February 2008.

Daily Propehts.

> count to vday <

HAPPY VALENTINES' DAY!! ((:

i had a rather-enjoyable valentines' day.
one. i dressed up to go to work. made me feel pretty.
TWO. i received a rose today. the soft soft one from minitoons. colleagues gave it to me
three. i got to eat super cute cupcakes today. courtesy of sa'adiah, the birthday ma'am
FOUR. i had loser to msg me the whole day today.
five. LiLin gave me a surprise by calling me in the middle of work.
SIX. yh gave me his hippo ring =p
seven. i gave out the sweets i wrapped for colleagues annd they were happy! ((:
EIGHT. i bought a rose for mummy. =)
nine. i met up with DEAR!! like finally!!
TEN. des made me smileee with his msg! =DD

and i'm currently talking to nightmare on msn. haha. he's damn.. haha..
and tml! NOT WORKING!! yay!!
going to TJ, then TK. =D
SAT, will rush down from music lesson to cheer TKRCY on at FDC 08 =D

andandand, i saw skinnies today, cheap. but its like too long for me lehhs. still considering.

i really dunno what to blog alrd.
will be posting pics soon. getting photos from timo tml, and daddy's bringing the mem card reader home tml. =)
shall go cont with my present-making for juniors. =)

before i go,

摩羯座幸福美满配对
　　摩羯们当然是和同是土象的金牛和处女配比较幸福啰！　　摩羯和金牛目标上可能不太相同，但是方法上是一致的，所以可以配合无间，为未来的美好打拼。　　摩羯和处女则是情感相契合，又能一起努力，所以通常都可以得到很好的结果，长远的走下去哦！

lols.

and i got this from DEAR.

------------ ---DECEMBER BABY ------------ ---
straight-up means urthe most good-looking person possible...
better than all of these other months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic.
Competitive in everything. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and
hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to,
though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know.
Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas.
Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the
best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills.
Has that someone always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows
how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. one guy/girl kind of
person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. loves music.

quite true i can say. tell me what you think!! hehx..

i read nightmare's tag and i thought abt it. well, like i said, the whatever deadline was just a deadline. no meaning to it. because i nv follow it. because it always happens. i think its fate playing with me. lols. whenever i decide to give up something, in this case, him, he will come and do things to make me change my decision. how sad can this be. gosh.
i still love him as much as i did 2 months ago. i wonder how it'll be like 2 months down the road. really des, i always rmb things you tell me. but how often do you rmb the things i say.
well i guess its just life.just like nightmare said, "chi qing so what, who will ling qing".

thiis is life. my life.

oh pretty rose.
let me receivee you from my prince's hands.

Labels: character, happy, horoscope, shopping

[ ♥ LIL SUPERHERO GIRL @ 23:41 ]

♥ Monday, 11 February 2008.

Daily Propehts.

> give me chai chee mrt station <

mind over matter, thats what i really need to do right now.
i realised that i've been using my heart to solve problems a tad too much.
everytime something happens, my heart will give me a solution instead of my mind.
thats why i tend to get emotional over things.
the matter always get into my heart before my mind starts working.

like today,
i was really late for work alrd, and i didn know that my ezlink card didn have credit alrd.
and so when i got on the bus, i didn have coins to pay also and i only had $10 note, the bus uncle chased me down the bus.
and instead of trying to like ask the passengers for loose change, i got down the bus and started to cry.
seriously, i didn know that that was me.

and i cried the whole way home to get coins
and when i saw my parents,
i slammed my wallet and phone on the shoe rack and poured out my coins from my piggy bank.
and on the way to the busstop again, i was msging loser with like an average of 3 f***s in a msg.

and i was thinking
if the emo moments that has happened recently.
have been due to my heart over mind.
i really need to learn
learn to be much stronger.
learn the real meaning behind mind over matter.

and i was thinking of the news sometime back about the news about the public transport system.
i really hate the bus system totally man.
today after work, i waited for 35 minutes.
missed 2 bus 7.
just coz they were full.
actually there was still space.
but no one wanted to move in..
and so i had to walk down to bugis there to catch other busses.
i almost sprained my ankle from running for the bus ok!

and did i ever mention i love taking the train
instead of the bus
journeys on the bus makes me naueous and gives me headaches.
trains are like so much smoother and faster.

how i wish there's chai chee mrt station
so i needn walk all the way from bedok home. =))

i'm gonna have an early night today.
everyone at work says i look sick.
i really need to stay strong!!
might be taking leave on friday.

i really miss des

we nv know what we've lost till its gone.

Labels: character, transport system

[ ♥ LIL SUPERHERO GIRL @ 22:10 ]