♥ Monday, 10 March 2008.
> shoo if you ain't emo elmo <
you know how people often say we should aim super high, because when we fall, we will fall even harder.
i finally believe in it.
i typed a whole lot on yest's squad outing, but i deleted every single word of it
i had a reason for being over-high yest. because i didn want to expose that sad layer inside.
i had a reason for being "ah-lian-ish" yest. because i wanted to feel wild for once to escape that image.
i had a reason for having the guts to stay out late with them yest. because i didn want to be home, alone, and think about the things.
and because yest was too over, i woke up double screwed today.
3 months. it's been 3 months. 3 months of waiting. but the hurt is more than 3 months' worth.
i'm losing myself. i no longer know what i'm thinking. i no longer know the reasons behind the things i do. i am no longer the girl my friends knew.
i used to call others stupid when they were like this. i think i'm the stupidest out of them all. for someone like him. it ain't worth it. but i just cannot help it.
its not like he'll know how much i'm suffering. its not like he'll come comfort me if he knows.
but one thing i know is what he knows too. that i love him much more than he does.
i think i fuck my own life up. and so i'm living a so-fucked up life now. i seriously wouldn mind going into depression. maybe it'll take my mind off this damn thing.
i feel like screaming a whole lot of expletives and cry like there's no tml. cry my eyes blind. i don't really care. i feel real cooped everyday. i cnt express my feelings out right, openly. even talking to friends, there's still residue inside.
the coldness ain't going deeper. it's stabbing me with the same frequency and amplitude as it did the day before, and the day before the day before. the hurt i experience is a horizontal line in the axis of my hurt against the coldness hurled at me.
but because its all too hurting, it ain't gna lessen till i learn. learn to stop waiting. learn to let go. which might easily take me another 2 years?
fuck.
忘记你我做不到Labels: emo
[ ♥ LIL SUPERHERO GIRL @ 23:23 ]
