♥ Saturday, 8 March 2008.
> night <
i've been having early nights.9.30 on thrus11 yest.early nights give me the time to curl up on my bed.early nights give me the time to stare at the ceiling.
early nights give me the time to think alot.and early nights are my crying nights.my mind will run wildly. tear glands become active. my mind stops running. tears spill out.and it is unstoppable. seriously.the number of times i cried yest was uncountable.when i woke up. when i was bussing to sch. when i got my results. when i was bussing to meet dear. when i was bussing home. when i was msging eli. when i was trying to sleep.last night was horrible. really horrible. after eli msged me, i started crying. only we both know the content. and only we both know why we both are becoming what-we-are.and.. i really want to get the fucking results thing out of my mind. its screwing my already-screwed mind up. i seriously hate myself. for getting that fucking grade. its affecting me damn alot. because it's the last NATIONAL exam i'd be taking. and i fucking screw it and get such fucking grades. Don't, don't tell me its good, because its NOT. its good to YOU, because its not your grade. its just courtesy aye. spare me of it then. because i'm not used to it. just leave me alone. your words make it fucking worse. silence wouldn kill. it might help. i think i'm just a failure when it comes to studies. or rather everything. i also screw things and i'm always said to be capable of better grades. since primary school, its has always been like that. teachers are forever commenting that i'm capable of better grades. because not one sees what goes on behind the books. its tonnes of pressure. fucking lots of it. no one can understand. the responsibility. the expectations. i'm a disappointment to my family. and it'll go on. this being just another chapter of my failing glory in the family. leave me alone. stop asking me not to emo. because you'll be depriving me of my only outlet to express disappointment in myself. depreiving me the only outlet to get in touch with my true feelings. no one is the same. and so, you are not me. you don't know how i feel, what i'm going through.i'm not mentioning anyone. i'm just releasing thoughts.tonight is an early night again.its the 9th again tml.another month has gone again.and i breakLabels: emo
[ ♥ LIL SUPERHERO GIRL @ 15:07 ]
