♥ The Blogger

♥ Tagboard

♥ Cravings

♥ Exits

♥ Past

♥ Credits

♥ Thursday, 24 January 2008.

> <

as the day comes to an end.
i wonder how i survived through today.

last night was really horrible.
i cried like i dunno what.
everything he said made me cry.
even if it was nothing. or things that used to make me smile.
i cried.
i went offline w/o telling him
and msged him to apologise and told a lie.
you were the thing which made me feel uncomfortable
and his understandings and concern made me cry even more.

it has been rather long since i cried like this alrd.
but the feeling's so familiar
it felt as if i've been crying daily.

and i woke up this morning.
heart racing. no idea why.
did things blurly.
and cried somemore in the toilet.

went to kaki bukit cc to get my singpass done.
bussed to work.
skipped lunch to cover the 1 hr i was late for work.
survived on 2 cups on milo and a bottle of water.
was msging loser throughout too.

as time passed at work.
closer to that time.
i started emoing more.
i looked at my phone in 5 min intervals.
i longed to receive his msg
it nv came.
i teared from time to time.
and wiped them away before anyone saw.
teared even more on the way to grandma's hse for dinner.

home. stoned and thought alot.

i don't want much.
i don't need you to tell me that you love me.
i just want you to show me the care and concern i show to you.
i just want you to ask me how work is from time to time.
i just need you to start saying hello to me online.
i don't even need you to pick things to talk. just hi/hello.
if you think i'm totally irritating.
if you think i'm totally desperate.
pls tell me.
so i can harden my heart and let go.
let go of this relationship that i'm holding on so dearly to.
let go of all the sufferings i've been having.
your harsh words will give me strength to.
i dont want to hold onto something which will still fail eventually.

i somehow dread going to work on wkends alrd.
elvin is bound to interrogate me.
and all those memories will rush back.

i feel like i'm living my life with lots of regrets.
regrets fill my life.

emo things aside.
i've made my choices for my poly courses.
SP BMS, NP BMS, NP PHARM, NYP PHARM, NYP NURSING, NP NURSING, NYP DENTAL, SP ACCT, NP ACCT.
somehow somehow, i hope i get into np pharm lor. i want to take TCM elective!! =(( but whateevr, i'll just do my best and achieve my aim! TOP THE CLASS! then THE SCHOOL.
rigghhhttt. big aim man. i'll slowly achieve it! i can do it!! woo~ =.=

and i'm gonna cut my hair after work tml. i want something new. so be prepared to see a new me! hopefully!


life's all about letting go.
when will i be able to?

Labels: emo