I should be happy that I have a WONDERFUL family.

I should be glad that I have got WONDERFUL friends around me, esp LiLin and LOVE.

I had a heart to heart talk to LOVE yest. And I found out some things, which actually make me appreciate the family I have now.

Oh LOVE, I believe you can get over it okiex. You’re a strong girl. You have got EYEgang. you have got me. And I have got you! =)

I msged LiLin and talked to her online. I realized that it has been eons since I had a heart to heart talk and pour out everything in my heart. We used to do that EVER SO OFTEN.i miss those times. I WANT THOSE TIMES BACK!! although I feel as if I got nothing to tell her, but I guess deep down, there’s lots I want to tell her. And I know she has too! I just want those simple times when we can just sit in class and talk. Hold hands and walk. I just want to meet her and talk talk talk. Just enjoy those simple times back then. i just want to go back for trg with her, talk and laugh with our lovely cadets. Ha.

I TRIED to do my tutorials just now, but I just could not concentrate. I take my tutorial out, do a qtn or two, and I just cnt continue doing. I cannot bring myself to do it anymore. Its like a max. like I cannot take it anymore. My brain was not with me, not with my homework. I really need concentration now, but nothing will make me concentrate. Even maths is a chore to me. Nothing is of interest to me. I just want to lie in bed and sleep the time away. I want to sleep those distractions away. I want to sleep those scenes away. But the problem is, I CANNOT EVEN SLEEP. I have been having problems sleeping.

I detest myself for giving way to those thoughts. I detest myself for not forcing myself to study. I detest myself for everything I am doing now. I detest them BOTH for messing up my life. LiLin and loser will know who those 2 are.

I feel like banging on the piano. I feel like soaking myself in cold water. I feel like screaming. I feel like tearing all my tutorials away. I feel like killing my tutors and them both.

I just want my sec 4 life back. I just want mdm ong and LiLin by my side. I just want their huggs. I just want their smiles. I just want their assurance.

I feel weak without them. I feel useless without them. I feel like I have let them down. I feel like I have let my family down.

I cannot even control my own emotions. I cannot even control my own tears. I cannot even control my own brain.

I want Saturday to come quick. I want to see them again, I want to crap with them again. I want to step into somewhere where I can be myself. I want to step onto the lanes and let go of the ball, like I am letting go of my own emotions.

I LOVE LILIN! =)

I can never survive JC life till so far without her.

I love this pic and I am never tired of it. Coz I love my lovely friend.

Maybe time will heal our wounds girl. =)