- l ii n g

alone

2008-03-23T13:53:00.000-07:00

teddy bears don't hug back, but sometimes, they're all you've got

dear friends,

2008-03-22T23:57:00.000-07:00

dear friends,

i saw something on a close friend's blog that made me cry, then think about things. you know how i always say you guys are my best assets, my fuel. i treasure each and everyone of you. however, sometimes, i wonder what i am to you guys. could you tell me? tell me what a person i am to you guys.
sometimes, i'll just rather you all tell me truths that hurt, than keep them from me and apologise after knowing that i know. because everytime an apology is made in this situation, i will inevitably feel like i'm this bitch who wants to be involved in everything and would be overly upset if i'm not.
but i don't think i am. am i? and when i feel like this, it'll make me cry. friends do make mistakes, do neglect sometimes. i'm guilty of it, yet everyone does.
you all know how i always whine to you guys. sometimes, after i whine, i feel super guilty. because its always me whining, but you all just keep quiet listening to me, and i seldom play the role of the listener. its a selfish behaviour. and for that i really apologise.
something about friendship that i believed since a long time ago, part of the characteristics of my horoscope too, that trust is the basis of every friendship.
i really treasure each and everyone of you. pris loves you all.

your friend forever,
pris (:

'nuff said,
i've been listening to 张韶涵's new album and i find the songs all niceee. so its my new song playlist.

and i love this song the most.

张韶涵 - 失忆

下雨后还给蓝天了晴朗
在分手后不算亏欠
跌跌撞撞的缠绵
认认真真的实现
这样谁不流泪
就当作最后亲吻吧
释放在这事件中不算惩罚
热热烈烈的沉沦
冷冷淡淡的抽身
我算是残忍的吗
我如何假装
我心里不再有你
沉溺后清醒
你却是异常的平静
习惯慢慢失忆
这样就能转移自己
我发现我爱你
就在这一瞬间
倾盆而下的却是
你不安的阴天
毕竟我不慷慨
我并不想害自己

就当作最后亲吻吧
释放在这事件中不算惩罚
热热烈烈的沉沦
冷冷淡淡的抽身
我算是残忍的吗
我如何假装
我心里不再有你
沉溺后清醒
你却是异常的平静
习惯慢慢失忆
以为这样就能转移自己
我发现我爱你
就在这一瞬间
倾盆而下的却是
你不安的阴天
毕竟我不慷慨
我并不想害自己
我不想害自己
我已经失去你
在没有你爱我的那一天
我如何拯救自己
我发现我爱你
就在这一瞬间
沉迷后清醒
你却是异常的平静
习习惯慢慢失忆
以为这样就能转移自己
我发现我爱你
就在这一瞬间
倾盆而下的却是
你不安的阴天
毕竟我不慷慨
我并不想害自己

as much as i don't wanna think about the 9ths, sometimes, i just cnt help but think about it. i wonder yet again, about the many things. i cnt say i no longer care, because i still do. i just don't know how to put my msg across anymore. its not as open anymore.

sitting cross-legged
in the corner
hoping you'll notice.

friday's good

2008-03-21T23:59:00.000-07:00

GOOD FRIDAY IS GOOD!!

met up with eli & jia lin today.
shopshopshop.
bought my skinnies @ $28

had tauhu goreng & mee siam for lunch.
peppermint red tea & yella fella fries with herb mayo for tea.
lols. they were shared ok!

neoprints too! jia lin's so cutee.. *inside thing*

i spent lots this week. dead meat man.
i have only 10+bucks for the rest of the week!! =X

and omg.. i think me & dear have the fate to meet in BUGIS!!
today was the 3rd time i'm meeting her unplanned at bugis! ha!

pris wawa-ed again.
pris needs to sleep.

FRIDAY'S GOOODDDD!!
i'm waiting for labour day! its eyegang's outing anniversary =p

NIGHTS ALL!!

smile and smile and smile

too true

2008-03-20T23:59:00.000-07:00

worked ot today.
came online late.
been reading horoscopes since then.

was sharing some significant ones with Li Lin..
shall post them out too..

# 感情很脆弱，也许会因为一些很小的事情难过很长时间，所以他们通常在表面表现的酷酷的与事隔离的样子，其实他们只是不希望让别人看到他脆弱的一面

# 随着时间的积累魔羯的人在慢慢变坏

# 当自己努力的去让自己所爱的人幸福的时候，自己所爱的人却因为其他的其他离开了他，而到最后自己却不明白自己到底做错了什么，真是可怜的家伙们

# 追求，魔羯的追求是认真的，只要对方不让魔羯认为完全没有机会，魔羯就会像疯子一样的追求着，他们其实对自己非常没有信心，唯一的动力只是相信自己在爱着，为了对的起自己的感情，为了认真的去爱一回．

# 老谋深算杀人不用刀

# 他习惯了自我伤害罢了

# 他们一旦决定付出情感，总是太汹涌澎湃了，通常是易放难收

true true true?
to me, its true la, these traits feel so true, so me. ha

...........

ooo.. mama ong msged me today, and i got a shock. she's just so cute, ask me if got recommendations for birthday cakes.. haha, msg-chat with her. miss talking to her!! ((:

andandand.. apparently, J CO's donuts are super niceee!!! aunty esther gave me one today! i wanna go buyyy!!

TML'S SHOPPING!!! =DDD weeee~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAI!!!

FALL RAIN OH RAIN

the other place

2008-03-19T23:59:00.000-07:00

its an unpredictable world we live in.

an accident woke my senses up.
life is that unpredictable.
you never know what's going to happen the next day, the next hour, or even the next second,

every now and then,
i really need such things to remind me that i should be thankful that i need not face those kind of unpredictablities as of yet.

i need some time to get over what i saw today,

i'm slowly picking the pieces up.

18march2008, wednesday

2008-03-18T23:59:00.000-07:00

before i start on my day,

http://kissableguy.mediacorptv.sg/contestant01.php?id=214 #

help vote for him!!
can vote once everyday!!
thank you so much darlings!!

..........

PRIS has a nice day today.
weee~
but she spent too much

she woke up, wandered online.
ironed the clothes.
cooked rice.
bathe.
left home.

trained to paya lebar.
wait for dear.
trained to dover.
went through the orientation.
rawrs.
boring!!

then the FUN CAME!!! ((:

dear & i trained to tampines.
we had xiao long bao @ din tai fung
then porridge & noodles @ crystal jade
amt i spent on food = $17
nice food!! yay!! eating with dear is like wonderful!!

then we went to the JL SALE.
roamed around, dug through a pile of accesories
bought a purple hairband, colourful rubberbands, 5 hairpins for a buck!! damn cheap!!

then we went to look for desmond.
chatchatchat.
walked ard pasar malam.
and somemore money spent.
bought 2 tops!
but at least i managed to get my off-shoulder.
something striked off my shopping list.

munched on tutu kueh, and chatted with dear.
trained back.

although i spent quite a bit today, and i need to eat grass for the rest of the month if i want to shop on friday,
PRIS IS A HAPPY GIRL TODAY!!
because pris went out with her dearest dear!!
yayyayyay!! =DD

friday i shall restrict myself to buy at most my skinnies & white skirt!
THATS ALL!!
muahha, but daddy said i could take money from him if i finish spending my allowance! *beams*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YITING toot!

dear got me addicted to viwawa.
wawawawa.. i shall go sleepa alrd!!

i changed the date aye. i don't want to bring forward my post.

nanananah

sotong

2008-03-17T23:59:00.000-07:00

i cannot believe how blur i am.
i thought enrolment's on wed.
when its supposed to be tml. gosh.
luckily dear reminded me!
THANKS DEAR!!
and i paniced like shit man. but i'm done!!
luckily i paid my fees today alrd!
phew phew phew.

and i had to msg my supervisor at work.
gosh, i was apologising like a million times till she asked me to stop apologising.
such a blur sotong man

..........

i had a super big headache at work today.
and i was scanning documents really slowly and i made mistakes somemore.
gosh. thank god for the break tml
msn was boring. no one to talk to except loser.
i'd rather be downstairs now.

..........

aand i was talking to eli just now
and she did something which no one has ever done before.
THANKS LOVE.
i guess those i wanted to tell you i've alrd told you, and i will show you ok!

i shall really try ((:
and i really mean it!!
i shall fulfill my mission!

..........

and FRIDAY, no work!!
its a confirmed shopping with eli and jia lin!!
i'm gna go crazy shopping!! muahaha

..........

pris will become better!! =D

zapzapzap

2008-03-17T08:39:00.000-07:00

LITTLE SUPERHERO GIRL - Corrine May

I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wide world
Everybody wants a piece of me
And I just don't know where to turn
I've got work piled up to my head
All I want to do is jump into bed
And wash away my troubles
with lemonade
Play hide and seek
with the boy next door
Take a trip to Singapore and
Imagine how I'll make the world
a better place

All I need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognise
That I'm feeling so small
All I need is a secret weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space
I'm gonna be a Superhero

Na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-
Yeah

If I were a little girl
Trying to clean up the whole wide world
I'd kick the bad boys back to school
Teach them fighting's just not cool
I'd give every kid a teddy bear
Turn starving people into millionaires
Break glass ceilings with dynamite
sprinkle a little sugar and spice
Turn the bullies that terrorize
Into pink poodles that bark,
but don't bite

All I need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognise
That I'm feeling so small
All I need is a secret weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space
I'm gonna be a Superhero

Na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-
Yeah

Little Superhero Girl
Little Superhero Girl
Save me
Little Superhero Girl
Little Superhero Girl
Save me from myself

I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wide world

....................

woohoo~ this song just kickstarts my day.
i can get high listening to it. hee

gotta go out early today.
visit to SCB = late for work
gosh. i'm supposed to teach aunty nonah where to get documents and all. sheesh.

and i'm stuck on my book.
good thing aye. i spend lesser time online. :)

oh ya!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY YINLING/POH BOON sir

i'm gonna zap monsters in outer space,

rabbit

2008-03-16T22:59:00.000-07:00

:D i'm a lil on the high side now.
my whole emotional system is all wrong.
lols.

:D must have been the boiled carrots and baked salmon for dinner.

:D i'm still amazed that my mum still cnt pronounce dear's name properly.
she calls her siewhuan. like -.-

:D i was looking at the sp scholarship website.
and i think my chances are like rock-bottom low.
i've got no achievements and whatsoever. rawrs.

:D i cnt wait to go for work tml.
i'm going to 2nd storey!! msn-abled terminal!!
yayyayyippee!! =DD

:D and i wanna go shopping!!
i've got ever long shopping list!!
- black jeans
- off shoulder top
- brown dress
- white skirt
- pumps mum threw mine away
- flip-flops again mum threw mine away
- tube
- cardi
- eyeliner
- mascara
- shorts
- more clothes
basically i want to go crazy shopping. its been a long time since i felt the shiok- ness of having shopping bags in my hand. *gringrin* I WON MIND SPONSORSHIPS!! =DD
i'm going a lil insane now!! weeee~

:D i cnt wait for wed to come!!
off-day/meeting dear/ sp enrolment/ shopping!!/ (:

:D and i changed my profile pic.
some pic i took during that 45 minutes waiting for HN to open the door for me. heh.

:D shall go read my books before i turn in!!
:DD nights all!! ((:

nanananah

deny happily

2008-03-16T18:53:00.000-07:00

you know how it feels when you're supposed to do something, but you don't and someone accuses you of not doing it, but you'd deny it.
you'd feel guilty.
and i normally feel like this during music lessons.

you know how it feels when you normally do not do something you're supposed to do, but you do it this particular time, but someone still accuses you of not doing it.
you'd feel disappointed, pissed.
and i felt like this during music lesson on saturday.

i practised my piano. but yet it wasn good enough for her. maybe i didn practise as frequently as i'm supposed to, but i tried to practise. i really did. and i almost cried while playing. i could play them at home ok. i hate it la. its so sickening for my standard to just fall like this during lesson time. rawrs.

i feel like i'm living in denial everyday. i convince myself that i should be contented with my life and all. but i'm not. i try to convince myself that i no longer care if he msges me, but i do.
i feel like a liar everyday. everything i do, i say are such lies. i just want to protect my emotions and my life. but i often do not achieve my aim. more often than not, i show alot of emotions when i lie, esp to my mum.

...........

i spent my saturday watching shows online, i just started on TKA, cont'd with YLWBS, drinking soup, eating rum & raisin ice cream and astons', crying in my room, fiddling with my lappie, stretching my legs, sleeping.
i spent my sunday sleeping, headaching over fees, mac-brunch with mama & fel, stroll around bedok, borrowing books from library.

and my wireless at home is screwed lor. like just 1 week only. damn.

...........

life's really making feel sea-sick. its so up and down and up and down.
whenever things make me happy, there'd be things to push me down. then there'll be happy things. then sad things.

i think the only thing that made me happy over the weekend was
* him msging me on his own accord. muahaha. i think i can see him on wed. dear, can we go??
* brunch with mama & fel.
* the lil brown dress. i wanna get it!!!

i shall keep on trying to stay happy.
wanna catch SOL, buy dress, jeans, top. blehs. shall try to get the moolah for it.
andandand, i can meet the makan gang for makan soon!! mARCHE!! haha. mummy didn put me down for work. muaha.

lil superhero girl
i shall try.

cheeseburger, doubled

2008-03-14T23:23:00.000-07:00

caught THE LEAP YEARS
with mama and eli love
at TM
at 5.45pm

and i had my dinner in the cinema.
and i had double cheeseburger for my dinner.
and guess how long i took to finish my burger.

i took a total of almost 1.5hrs
to finish a double cheeseburger
while watching the movie.

because i was busy concentrating on the movie.
highly recommended movie.
really.
i think its better than P.S I LOVE YOU.
it feels more close to heart.
the plot, the scenes and all.
and i cried.

i love the way the movie proceeds.
flashbacks. with quotes in between.
and the songs are real nice. soothing. and appropriate.

andandand.
after the movie, shopped around with eli. saw this brown minidress and its super nice!! 19bucks. i wanna get it!! *beams*

nice way to spend WHITE VALENTINES' DAY.
yea. i heard from the radio that today is 白色情人节
supposedly, if you received presents on valentines day, today is the day to return a gift to the person. cool.
and apparently there're more weird days.
11/1, 1/11, 11/11 are days to celebrate singledom. cool right. haha.

i wanna catch the movie another time. its niceee.
but i wanna catch sky of love first.
wanna watch it myself. so i can cry myself.

and now, i'm stuck to corrinne may's songs. she sang most of the songs in the movie. lovely. and i changed my songlist to the soundtrack of the movie(:

whats 4 years if the person is the right one.
the only fear is that he is not the right one.

zoom

2008-03-14T08:33:00.000-07:00

i want to fast forward the day!!
so i can finish work
and
start practising my piano
and movie with the girls!!

may i? can i?
hopefully my girls are coping well with their papers now!!

workworkwork.
i want to shopppp!!!! =D
i shall scrimp and save
to buy my skinnies and my top!! ((:

decisions cannot be undone.

green man

2008-03-13T23:59:00.000-07:00

lesson of the day.
never blast music in your ear while crossing roads.

i blasted music in my ears while crossing the junction near my office and almost got killed.
and it spoiled my whole day.
i think i'm stupid.
not gonna elaborate on it.

at that split moment,
how i wished that the car had slammed into me.
because it would mean that everything would end.

but yet, it didn.
i guess
its time for me to accept the fact that
i'll have to continue living my pathetic life
and living it bravely.
because there're more trials to come.

i shall therefore,
try my very hardest to be even more optimistic.
to be a better person,
living a much happier life.

........

i just quarreled with daddy over poly fees thing
and i just found out that i'm in the wrong
shit. i'm gna get great big scolding tml.
and i quarreled with mummy too
because she doesn approve me taking leave tml to practise piano.
so i decided to take half-day leave.
i dont really care. i need to practise my piano like pronto.
and movie with the girls tml. (:

i really think that something i really miss from my past is my laughter and smiles and the way i could communicate with my parents.
as i grew up, i realised i slowly lost them, esp communication.
i shall slowly earn them back.
re-learn them.
take them back.
and i will!!

because he once said that my smile was my greatest asset.

rain

2008-03-13T08:38:00.000-07:00

i wish the rain:

would rain more.
would rain longer.
would rain heavier.

because i love the rain.

the sound of it
the feeling of it when it hits your skin.
the sight of it pouring down from somewhere.

i hope i won't miss my busstop today.

wonderful night. never one too many

=D

silence

2008-03-12T22:15:00.000-07:00

my phone was silent when it should not be.

i love walking in the rain.

i cnt wait for friday to come. lunch and movie with the girls.

承受你被负的伤
就是我的愿望

because i'm stuck in the past.

2008-03-12T08:37:00.000-07:00

在错的时间, 若遇上错的人，得到是短暂的莫名荒唐，
在错的时间，若遇上对的人，得到是一声的无奈叹息.
在对的时间，若遇上错的人，得到是一阵的伤心感伤，
在对的时间，若遇上对的人，得到是一生的幸福快乐.
taken from weiqi's blog

undoubtedly, i am non other than the very first scenario.
but mine is NOT 短暂.
mine is 一生.
gosh.
i can never grasp my own mind. =x

but who really cares about me?
loser's back and i can start whining again. period.
muahaha.

i'm still unsure as of if i need to work at expo. rawrs.
got makan on 5apr. i have to go makan......
lols

off to work.

walking in the rain is best therapy for the broken soul.
rain rain rain!

dose

2008-03-11T23:14:00.000-07:00

i need another dose of ...
another dose to keep me going
another dose to make me forget
another dose to bring me back to where i was.

pink calms me.

原来快榮要用悲伤换的

hangover not

2008-03-11T08:37:00.000-07:00

after last night
turned in and cried again.

woke up today feeling much better, but the feelings still around.
ain't looking forward to today much.
movie with the girls cancelled.

but LOSER'S BACK TODAYYYY!!! =DDD
i finally can go on whining!!

and my daddy bought the wireless thingy alrd. =DD
i can finalleh use my lappie in the comforts of my room?

and my pay's safe in my bank!! =))
much more than i expected! =)) lols.

gna get ready for work.

the scar's still there.

shoo if you ain't emo elmo

2008-03-10T23:23:00.000-07:00

you know how people often say we should aim super high, because when we fall, we will fall even harder.
i finally believe in it.

i typed a whole lot on yest's squad outing, but i deleted every single word of it
i had a reason for being over-high yest. because i didn want to expose that sad layer inside.
i had a reason for being "ah-lian-ish" yest. because i wanted to feel wild for once to escape that image.
i had a reason for having the guts to stay out late with them yest. because i didn want to be home, alone, and think about the things.

and because yest was too over, i woke up double screwed today.

3 months. it's been 3 months. 3 months of waiting. but the hurt is more than 3 months' worth.
i'm losing myself. i no longer know what i'm thinking. i no longer know the reasons behind the things i do. i am no longer the girl my friends knew.
i used to call others stupid when they were like this. i think i'm the stupidest out of them all. for someone like him. it ain't worth it. but i just cannot help it.
its not like he'll know how much i'm suffering. its not like he'll come comfort me if he knows.
but one thing i know is what he knows too. that i love him much more than he does.

i think i fuck my own life up. and so i'm living a so-fucked up life now. i seriously wouldn mind going into depression. maybe it'll take my mind off this damn thing.
i feel like screaming a whole lot of expletives and cry like there's no tml. cry my eyes blind. i don't really care. i feel real cooped everyday. i cnt express my feelings out right, openly. even talking to friends, there's still residue inside.
the coldness ain't going deeper. it's stabbing me with the same frequency and amplitude as it did the day before, and the day before the day before. the hurt i experience is a horizontal line in the axis of my hurt against the coldness hurled at me.
but because its all too hurting, it ain't gna lessen till i learn. learn to stop waiting. learn to let go. which might easily take me another 2 years?

~~fuck~~.

忘记你我做不到

come dec 2008..

2008-03-09T11:44:00.000-07:00

i want dec 2008 to come quick!!
can i skip all the months and go straight to dec.
i cnt wait to turn 18. turn legal.

and. i cnt wait to survive 2 weeks on my own. heh.
my family + relatives are planning a 2 week trip to penang + kl in dec.
and with me having to attend lessons,
they're excluding me from the trip.
and i ain't complaining. haha.

because i'll be left alone in s'pore. yayness.
if my grandparents decide to go, i'll either stay home, or stay at ah-ma's hse.
if they decide not to go, i'll stay at my grandma's hse!
either way, i won't be restricted.
goshgosh. i feel so hyped up.

i wanna find nice nice friends in poly.
then when my hols come, we can go m'sia on our own too! mummy doesn mind! weeee~

i feel so bimbotic saying all these.
but this is so like the first time i gna be so unstricted. no one to call me and ask me what time i'll be home and all. hehx!! =DD

alrighto!
shall get my butt moving and meet the squad for k! =))

night

2008-03-08T15:07:00.000-08:00

i've been having early nights.
9.30 on thrus
11 yest.

early nights give me the time to curl up on my bed.
early nights give me the time to stare at the ceiling.
early nights give me the time to think alot.

and early nights are my crying nights.
my mind will run wildly. tear glands become active. my mind stops running. tears spill out.
and it is unstoppable. seriously.

the number of times i cried yest was uncountable.
when i woke up. when i was bussing to sch. when i got my results. when i was bussing to meet dear. when i was bussing home. when i was msging eli. when i was trying to sleep.

last night was horrible. really horrible. after eli msged me, i started crying. only we both know the content. and only we both know why we both are becoming what-we-are.

and.. i really want to get the ~~fucking~~ results thing out of my mind. its screwing my already-screwed mind up. i seriously hate myself. for getting that ~~fucking~~ grade. its affecting me damn alot. because it's the last NATIONAL exam i'd be taking. and i ~~fucking~~ screw it and get such ~~fucking~~ grades. Don't, don't tell me its good, because its NOT. its good to YOU, because its not your grade. its just courtesy aye. spare me of it then. because i'm not used to it. just leave me alone. your words make it ~~fucking~~ worse. silence wouldn kill. it might help. i think i'm just a failure when it comes to studies. or rather everything. i also screw things and i'm always said to be capable of better grades. since primary school, its has always been like that. teachers are forever commenting that i'm capable of better grades. because not one sees what goes on behind the books. its tonnes of pressure. ~~fucking~~ lots of it. no one can understand. the responsibility. the expectations. i'm a disappointment to my family. and it'll go on. this being just another chapter of my failing glory in the family. leave me alone. stop asking me not to emo. because you'll be depriving me of my only outlet to express disappointment in myself. depreiving me the only outlet to get in touch with my true feelings. no one is the same. and so, you are not me. you don't know how i feel, what i'm going through.
i'm not mentioning anyone. i'm just releasing thoughts.

tonight is an early night again.

its the 9th again tml.
another month has gone again.

and i break

Beaten, not Broken

2008-03-07T22:36:00.000-08:00

so i didn get the grade i wanted.
so i didn hold my disappointment
so i cried again.

thankfully there was dear,miss koh,lilin,nightmare
thankfully there was teoheng
thankfully there was astons
thankfully there was slurpee

i may have been beaten.
i may have not gotten that grade.
i may have cried.

i am not beaten
i am willing to work hard in SP
i am going to put my heart and soul into my studies.

7march2008 - beaten, not broken

i had the urge but i pulled myself back again.
its just a stupid trival matter.

i want to watch sky of love and the leap years.
must catch it!

绝口不提爱你的星座?

第三名：太阳或金星在摩羯座

因为摩羯的务实和对爱情的不习惯，他们也是和处女座一样把感受藏的很深很深，他说出那个字会觉得很做作、很不舒服。但他们会努力地表示，用各种可能的方法和帮助，艰难地表达。对他们来说更重要的是我们如何在一起，如何考虑当下和未来，而不是如何相爱。

什么时候会说出来：被逼急了会不自然地说，或者反倒在不爱的时候才说。

ain't really feeling that good.
i need a hug.

all i wanna do is find a way back into love.

blank

2008-03-05T22:23:00.000-08:00

and so,
i didn manage to swim today.
because the sky was crying for me. lols.

done with poly pre-registration.
did my medical check-up in the afternoon.
now i'm left with going down to SP on the 18th
and i'm officially a student of SP.
lols.

you know how sometimes when you dont bring things and you need them and vice versa.
i normally bring my lil umbrella out, and it doesn rain
i left my lil umbrella in my office bag, and didn bring it out today
and it rained like crazy. lmao.
i had to spend 10 ~~freaking~~ bucks for a new one.
3 days' lunch money. i must be outta my mind. gosh.
but at least its black.
i've been wanting a black umbrella for ages.
but mummy refused to get me one.
so i have one now! heh.

and i made a visit to HN's hse to collect the bags i ordered.
quite disappointed with how the bags turned out.
still cnt get over my nice white bag spoiling after 2 days.
oh wells.
chatted with her, crazed around, gossiped.
miss the times i used to spend in her room. sitting on the narrow stairs crazing around.
bussed home.

gotta remind myself to call to book a room @ teoheng.
going there with dear on friday! followed by dinner at astons. weee~
and dear's pei-ing me to SP on the 18th.
yay! dear rocks!!
i love dear((:

better go sleep.
i don't want to miss work tml.

and oh yes. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEANETTE!! ((:

你给我的温柔占满我的生活

again

2008-03-05T11:36:00.000-08:00

i am seriously amused by how my brain works.
because.
i skipped work yet again today.

i was still hyper up looking at some 7-11 sale thing
and was thinking of getting BnJs back for bro.

and just half an hr later,
walking out.
i felt inferior because of dunno-what.
walk walk walk.
wait for the bus
board the bus.
after 1 stop
i got down the bus
and walked home.

dont ask me why
i dont know why i did that too
i just felt as if there was something more for me to do at home. when there's obviously nothing

i've been having this really bad work attitude these days.
no drive.
i just don't feel like working alrd. i finally understand why yh quit
and i've decided to work till the end of this month. no longer
i need my life back.

and so.
after my half-day on friday,
i shall be a good girl and go to work daily.
" dear, we'll go shopping during weekends and april ok! "

shall spend my day practising my piano, lunching with eyegang, collecting my bags from haoning, and swimming.

i need to think everything over again.
my old ways are coming back.

big brown envelope

2008-03-04T23:01:00.000-08:00

M&Ns colour my day. =D
even OT cnt take my smile off my face.
i really didn do anything to make myself happy.
M&Ns does wonders, esp to my weight! =X
but who cares, it makes me happiieeee ((((((:

i opened my letter box today.
and found a BIG BROWN ENVELOPE
adressed to me by SINGAPORE POLY!
heh.

i'm currently still suffering from shock
shock from the pages and pages of words they attached.
shall study them in detail soon.
daddy says its about school fees and stuff.

and the first figure i saw was $8,365
school fees for ONE semester!!
like omgosh.
i think i need to apply for tuition grant, and scholarships and whatever financial stuff they have. ha. where's loser when i need him
i don't even know when i'm supposed to report to school and all. haha.
i'm so lazeeee..

mummy says sch starts end april
and she's asking me to work till mid-april.
but i'd rather work expo. i love the memories there. =p

and i'm confirmed working morning on friday
before collecting my results and shopping with dear. =)

12星座谁是感情杀手?

　第四名：摩羯座

　　摩羯座的人很理性，喜欢把丑话讲在前面，他会把很多条件和很多原则讲的清清楚楚，也因此会让人搞不清楚他是在谈恋爱还是在谈判，由于摩羯座的实际常常让在恋爱中一头热的另一半觉得很受伤。

when i first heard it, i thought its a good thing, but as i listened on, omgosh, its not good. haha. =X
and the programme is gonna end soon. sadsad!!

the night is still young, and i feel things coming back.
the tears.
the fears
the silly thoughts

how do i get out of this.
i think
i never will.

倒爱

2008-03-04T08:43:00.000-08:00

倒爱 - 蔡淳佳

在大树和脚踝之间
缠绕你的誓言
所以撑着
所以心甘情愿

就算爱得很不安全
颠倒了蓝天
至少可以
换个角度来相恋

我以为倒着流眼泪
不经过脸不伤悲
就算看起来受罪
幸福有时候另类

每当我倒着流眼泪
一颗一颗都珍贵
灌溉了败的滋味
狼狈也觉得美

我懂松绑的自由
却无力伸出双手
反正忘了路怎么走
我只能傻傻地守候

i'm on repeat mode for this song.

off to work.

永远的愚人

the day after yesterday.

2008-03-03T23:30:00.000-08:00

stomach cramps.
blasting music.
unglam posture.
quiet phone.
maltesers.
twitching left eye.

period. day's over.

A lvl result release this friday.
give me an A for chi pls.
i swear i'll cry if i get anything lower than B man.
oh shit. no loser.
might be working morning.
meet dear to shop after that (:

the temptation's back.
control. yes, control.
hurt so bloody badly.
couldn go to sleep.
woke up in the middle of the night, crying.
searched for it and held it to sleep.
oh whatever. i'm just a weak person.

thanks Li Lin (:

tml's today all over again.
ain't gonna change.

I almost kind of like the pain
Wear your tattoo like a stain
It will take forever
To fade away

punctured

2008-03-02T22:38:00.000-08:00

today's a quiet day for me again.
didn talk much.

was awoken by mummy early in the morning at 6.30am. ^$#%@#% how long has it been since i woke up at 6.30!?
to accompany them for their morning walk.
damn reluctant can.
had to go out in my bed hair.
horrible.

and pissed at i-dunno-what
i was hitting my hair for dunno-what
and my palm just struck my hairclip
and.
i got 2 small puncture wounds. i think its called puncture wound?
and it hurts like shit ok.
coz its at the folds of my palm.
its hurts totally when i try to clench my fist.
and that was the start of my day.
how great

after that was just mainly blasting music into my ears.
and keeping to myself.

2nd march was spent
blasting the same 40 songs in my ears.
sleeping
eating
clearing my clothes
watching the teeve
playing with hp games.
period.

.....

i seriously feel like my life now resembles a punctured tyre.
losing~~air~~steam.
everyday seems to be moving even more slowly than the day before.
i lose the drive to do things.
i only want to be alone. doing nothing. thinking about stupid things.

.....

and i'm supposed to use my PC for now. wtf. i transferred all my documents to my laptop and my bro is asking me to use the PC. coz he says its troublesome to transfer the modem wire around. and daddy's refusing to get the router so i can use the wireless and access the internet in the comforts of my bedroom. damn.

work again tml. sighs.

when will it all stop.

BLAST

2008-03-01T22:07:00.000-08:00

i've grown fond of blasting music in my ears whenever i'm out alone.
it just draws me away from my surroundings and feelings.
and the very thing.

i listen to the same few songs over and over again.
the songs, that i cnt stop listening to.
so i decided to just put that few songs in my phone.
and delete the rest.
so i would not need to keep shuffling my songs.

work will become more alone sooner.
YH's working no longer.
Rachel's working at another branch.
lunch kakis' only left with me and annie.

improved my scales alrd. *phews*
priorities. i need to get them right, according to her.

FEB 29 2008
last day of the month.
i totally forgot that the policies needed to be cleared.
and i had to OT to finish the last minute ones.
left work at 8.
when i was supposed to meet mai, mun yee, and DEAR at 6.40. =X
bussed down to bugis -.- could've walked, but i was alrd late
met up with them at NYDC. had my dinner with them looking at me =X
shared tiramisu mudpie with DEAR.
exp. dinner man. 23 bucks!
but meeting with them was priceless!!

went looking around with dear after that.
wanted to get my off shoulder, but thinking of looking for cheaper ones
7-ed home with DEAR! =)

my chi standard is dropping alrd la. according to DEAR.
my usage of chinese words is horrendous. hehx.
needa buck up alrd. =)

the soft toys at NYDC are like so lovable!! plus a free pic of maimai! =p
can santa give me a belated present. i want the elmo. and give dear the eeyor!! hehheh
...........

reflections for FEB 2008

not as emo as jan 08 alrd. tried staying happy. good job pris. i need to keep that up. spend everyday happy and stop thinking about the past.
haven't been very consistent for work. need to work harder this month, leave them with good impression and so i can work again next time.
shall spend more time on practising the piano. i can if i want!!
and be more polite to my parents.
lols. redundant thing, but whatever.

..........

i'm indulging in Dark Chocolate Maltesers, supposed to be for DEAR, but i forgot to give it to her. =p get somemore for her again.

dark chocolate reminds me of him. how he used to offer me dark chocolates.
i was reading the papers today, and i saw something. wanted to inform him, but, didn feel like la. i mean, what would i get? nothing ba.. he'll just thank me, but do nothing about it.
and i was randomly thinking yest, i vocalised it to Li Lin.
the previous was 2 yrs. i wonder if this will last 2 yrs before i can move on again. as much as i wouldn want it to happen, somehow, if the 2 yrs could be a different 2 years. though i know its impossible. just hoping to accumulate more happy memories. so when i finally can leave, i have the happy memories left for me to look back at. its all fate.

.........

The Greatest Love Of All

I believe the children are our are
future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the
beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
Everybody
searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found
anyone to fulfill my needs
A lonely place to be
So I learned to depend
on me

[Chorus:]
I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's
shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I live as I believe
No
matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because
the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of
all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all

I
believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the
way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of
pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to
be

[Chorus]

And if by chance, that special place
That you've
been dreaming of
Leads you to a lonely place
Find your strength in love

this is gonna be my theme song for the month of march.

buck up and move on!
blast my old ways!
pris will move on!

29

2008-02-29T12:36:00.000-08:00

happy 29th feb!! =)

got an iriitating mummy sitting behind me waiting for me to sleep. blog tml! =P

i can wait forever. not

533952000 seconds

2008-02-28T23:35:00.000-08:00

shitshitshit. i typed the post and stupid blogger deleted it! lmao

i didn mean to pon work today sehhs.
i woke up late.
parents didn wake me up.
(i normally have a wake up call by daddy @ 7.45am, then one from mummy @ 8.00am)
but today no one woke me up.
so hell ya.
was still supposed to go to work.
but didn want to face the huge tonne of work left for me. ewwws.

i'm gonna get into hell lots of trouble when my paycheck comes.
mummy's so gonna chop me up and cook me in soup.

BUT, me staying home today
saw me practising my piano.
i'm getting better *beams* =D
but whatever,
she, my teacher, won't notice my practice, coz to her, i'm lousy. $%&^$!@%$

horocope today is making me cry.
ain't posting it up.

currenntly onto english songs. esp,
Enrique Iglesies' songs.

Somebodys me - Enrique Iglesies

You, do you
remember me?,
Like, I remember you?
Do you spend your life, going back
in your mind to that time?,
Cause I, I walk the streets alone,
I hate
being on my own, and everyone can see that,
I really fell, and I'm going
through hell.
Thinking about you with somebody else.

Somebody wants
you,
Somebody needs you.
Somebody dreams about you every single night.
Somebody cant breathe, without you it's lonely.
Somebody hopes that one
day you will see, that somebody's me.
That somebody's me. yeaa...

How, how did we go wrong?
It was so good, and now it's gone,
And
I pray at night, that our path's soon will cross.
What we had, isn't lost.
Cause you are always right here in my thoughts..

Somebody wants you,
Somebody needs you.

Somebody dreams about you every single night.
Somebody can't breathe, without you it's lonely.
Somebody hopes that
someday you will see,
That somebody's me. Oh yeah...

You will always
be in my life, even if im not in your life.
Cause you're in my memory...

You, when you remember me?...
And before you set me free, oh listen
please...

Somebody wants you,
Somebody needs you.
Somebody
dreams about you every single night.
Somebody cant breathe, without you it's
lonely.
Somebody hopes that someday you will see, that somebody's me.
That somebody's me.
Somebody's me...
That somebody's me...
That
somebody's me...
Oh yeah...

its really a song for him. well.. seeing him online the whole day today, and not being able to talk to him. well, i'm getting used to it. darn shitty though. his gums and keychain's still with me. it's been 2 months since i made that wish. and its not coming true. not a little at all. its going into my list of never-will-be-fulfilled list.

better hit my pillows.
i need to work tml. =p
YH's last day.
Naz's transferred over.
Dinner with dear and mai i think. =)

happy 17 years and 2 months to myself.

tell me how. how to book a place in your heart.

my places

2008-02-28T14:31:00.000-08:00

i should seriously stop ponning work.
i reckon my pay this month is only 400+.
mummy's gonna kill me big time.

and.. she's not giving me allowance for march.
its gonna come out from my own pay! !$&$#$%@
good game.

watched 原来我不帅 for the morning.
wanted to catch CJ7 at princess.
but i decided to save money, stay home, and
practise my piano. goshgosh.

was blog-hopping just now, and i happened to see this post on yinling's blog..
dated nov 26,2006

last night met up with zhengjue, yiting, chuying and pris at roxy sq.around 9pm.
intended to meet up at school but i was late. lols.ate dinner and walked to
katong shopping centre to sing karaoke until 1am.

we took the smallest
room cos night charges are like much more ex. but we didnt expect it to be like
SO SMALL! LOL! its like even smaller than my bathroom can! lols. oh yeah man we
spent like a few minutes laughing at how small the bloody room was. hahaha! then
we spotted a sign. the "EXIT" sign on top of the tiny room door! LOL! yeah we
spend like duno how long laughing at the exit sign again.hahahah! its like in
such a tiny room, do you think there's any other exits?? hahahaha. yes yes
stupid signs.lol

anyway, the room was suffocated with cigarette smoke,
from other rooms of cos. and i HATE IT!! grr.
I HATE SMOKERS!

after
that we walked to east coast macs. grab a bite and played majong cards. we
started to think of forfeits and laugh like MAD! lols.

FORFEITS

sit on the baby chair
pretend to smoke with a rolled up tissue and
get a cup of water from the counter. when they say cannot smoke here then open
up the cigarette and reply but its only tissue.lol!
get a light from a
stranger with a rolled up tissue as cigarette
take the soap spray on top of
the bin, spray at the glass door and wipe.lols
get paper towel from the
counter, put at the collar like a baby and walk back.
pretend to read an
upside down book, walk to counter and get a cup of water.
we were like
talking abt it and laughing like mad people.lol. then i kena first leh! i became
part time macs for one minute! HAHA! i had to take the spray bottle, spray at
the glass door and wipe. LOL! damn malu. somemore they say everyone was looking
at me! ahhhh. and a couple behind us was like laughing at me lar! damn MALU! lol

then pris kena 2 times! lols. 1st was to read an upside down book and
walk to counter. lols. worst of all, when she was queuing up, a guy went to
queue behind her! HAHA! i think he saw and felt so weird abt it! hahaha! pris
second forfeit was the paper towel one. but its not as bad as mine lar. =X

then got 2 police came in, then a grp of pia kias left the macs. we were
like shit! cos we playing majong and under 18 years old. =X but they left after
quite some time. then all the pia kias came back again. singapore is like so
safe. hahaha.

then we walked out to the beach. saw police cars again. it
was around 4am then. sat down and play lame chinese word game.-.-" for a while
only la. then we started talking about stars. suddenly, we saw a shooting star!
its SUPER bright and the track it travelled was thick! DAMN PRETTY! :D yiting
was like damn happy about it cos she never seen a shooting star before. i feel
so lucky! hehehe!

i seriously miss those times. those nights we spent out tgt. coz they're the only ones who are willing to spend nights out, w/o sleeping and all. coz all my close friends now will nv be able to do that with me, even me myself cnt.

if my parents aren't as strict, i think, i'd be a person having late nights out rather often. i love the feeling of being out of home at night, w/o worrying about having people to rush you home. thats why i love camps, esp at night.

camps, then remind me of that very place i love sitting at when i was an NCO. the place where i'd do alot of thinking, yet could see things going on. the place i'd lie down and enjoy the stars. the place i cried at.that place. 3rd floor, outside the hall, use the back staircase. Li Lin knows.

then, there's the breakwaters near the end of ECP, towards airport. 1 March 2007. TJ FAU BBQ. with the aeroplanes taking off. the waves.

gosh. memories.

two

my true love is...

2008-02-27T22:47:00.000-08:00

YOUR TRUE LOVE IS THE ONE WHO LOVES YOU FOR EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE.

quoted from JUNO.

and so,
after slacking in front of my laptop for almost a day watching DNYBY ( i haven been watching it ), and starting on 原来我不帅.
at 3.40pm, i decided to join nightmare at PS to watch JUNO.
changed and trained down.
reached at 4.45. hehheh.
watched the movie.
trained home. haha
THANKS NIGHTMARE FOR SENDING ME TO BEDOK!! haha
he was bored, so he trained with me to bedok and caught a train back home. haha.. thanksthanks.

JUNO was okok. but i felt that it was quite short. 1 hour plus, compared to P.S I LOVE YOU.. was over 2 hours. i actually prefer P.S, its more touching ba. JUNO was rather funny.
actually wanted to catch CJ7 tml with YH after work, BUT, he's not working tml!! ahhh!! nvm..

that aside. what i quoted above is so true. and i start asking myself yet again. when will this true love appear.

Endless Road - JJ Lin

The truth is
tearing up my heart
I can't recognise this place
The endless road
without a stop sign
Can't even find a stranger this time

chorus
Why am I still holding back my tears
In this loneliness there's nothing
left to fear
Every chord still seems a wonder
How we could be together
Everytime I ask if this would be the last

Why am I still talking to
myself
Hoping you will have the keys to my cell
Every song might calm
the weather
But it just draws me deeper
How do I get out of this
I
think~ I never will

A crystal forming in the eye
Maybe this would be
the last
The winding path down my face
Till I begin to taste the
bitterness inside

Repeat chorus

Why am I still holding back my
tears
In this loneliness there's nothing left to fear
Every chord still
seems a wonder
How we could be together
Everytime I ask if this would be
the last

Why am I still talking to myself
Hoping you will have the
keys to my cell
Every song might calm the weather
But it just draws me
deeper
How do I get out of this
I think~ I never will

I never
will

i'm hooked to this song. and i love the lyrics alot. =/

shall cont watching 原来我不帅. =p

i want you to be the cheese on my macaroni.

alone and together

2008-02-27T08:40:00.000-08:00

If we're in this alone, we're in this together.

[update @ 12:34]

ain't working today. just don't feel like it. which makes it 3 days of leave this month, in addition to all the CNY hols, my pay's gonna plunge like !$%^&#.

shall blog abt yest.

met up with LOVE after work at DG mrt. walked to THE CATHAY. basement-ed and had SHILIN. walked around, waiting for the movie to start.

Saw DEAR on the way up. DEAR was going down. lols. so glad to see DEAR!!=))

bought popcorn & nachos into the cinema. it was our dinner ok!.

P.S I LOVE YOU is rather toughing. quite funny in the beginning, but it got more cry-able as the show moved it. i was tearing towards the end. i had to stuff myself with popcorn to stop myself from crying la.

and after the movie, we mrt-ed home! =)

wonderful night. haven't been out at night for a long long time.

our dinner =p

i'm doing nothing at home. i just don't feel like playing the piano. practice at night. rawrs.

waiting for DEAR to wake up and see if can go catch another movie. hehx. JUNO!! gosh.

shall cont slacking. =))

[/UPDATE]

had a great night with my LOVE yest.
blog more tonight. =)

魔羯座
很有责任心的魔羯，永远认为让心爱的女人幸福是他人生最重要的使命。想要他多关心你，就表现出不开心的样子，自然就会问你发生了什么事。

its true yet again.

like drawing spirals.
i determine when i want to stop drawing.
when will i be able to stop myself from drawing on and on?

I SAW MY DEAREST DEAR YEST!! =D

thousand

2008-02-25T23:56:00.000-08:00

my sms counter reads.
347
and that's since 11FEB08.

my mind says.
GOOD GIRL PRIS.

lols
serious. ever since i got my free 1000 sms free, i've been struggling to keep within the limit, with me exceeding last month and having to pay the excess myself.

BUT, look at this month's its almost half a month gone, and i am still rather far from half-way mark. cool aye.
BUT that's coz loser ain't here for me to whine. and the feeling sucks big time. everything is inside my own mind, filling it to the brim already. my phone's been quiet, and always, out of habit, i keep checking my phone for msges, when there isn't any. wtf. gosh. can loser come back quickquick!! so i can whine again!! there's no one who can take my whines like loser!!

and so!
i was happy today!! coz my phone became ALIVE (accord to nightmare). yeaa. msged nightmare.. haha.. and i made his usually-dead phone alive!! muahahha. lalalala.

本周运势 24 Feb - 1 Mar

魔羯座

本周魔羯座的朋友们，周日、周一适合把家里及办公室全部打扫干净，把堆积已久的文件全部清除，良好的工作环境，可以提升你的工作效率哦！周二、周三是你本
周最忙的两天，你会为了处理某件事情，脑筋要不停的转动，而且还要跟很多人沟通，直到事情解决你才会安心，周四到周六会为了让某件事情可以快速结束，你必
须花加倍的效率来把他完成，周末假日你会想脱离城市的拥挤，到景色宜人郊区散心，让自己可以好好放轻松。

lols. i cleaned my room yest alrd. so hahah.. lols

spent my night looking randomly for songs and found quite a few. *beams*
did appraisal for the loner nightmare. THANK ME!! muahahhaha.

and i'm gonna sleep now!
tml's P.S I LOVE YOU with LOVE at night!! =DD

NIGHTS PEOPLE!!

别爱我像爱个朋友

安静

2008-02-24T23:28:00.000-08:00

the title explains my day.

安静. totally.

i didn feel like talking.

and it sorta pissed my mum off.

and i was packing my room.

and i found the score book i bought in yunnan.

the one with the jay chou songs inside.

and i turned to this song. sat myself down at the piano and learned how to play it without giving up.

and the song is...

安静.

nightmare was playing it yest.

on that spoilt piano in the canteen.

and it sorta influenced me.

lols.

was reading the papers today.

and one of the main story was abt.

SINGAPORE WOMEN'S EXPECTATIONS TOO HIGH. or something like this la.

and they mentioned that many s'porean females expect their guys to

1. pay for their meals

2. send them safely home.

3. open car doors for them.

4. dress up for occasions e.g. anniversary.

5. carry handbags for them. (50% of surveyed)

when i read it, i was wtf-ing all the way. seriously.

to me, those are materialistic measures of a guy. ok, maybe except for sending me safely home.

seriously, so what if they don't do all those above. does it mean that the guy isn a good guy/bf? i think its about the image the girl wants to portray? show others how sweet the guy is? how lucky she is to have such a guy?

stupid thinking really.

esp the carrying of handbags. i've always been disgusted by guys carrying handbags for the bfs. i think it enhances gay factor. really. i cnt imagine my bf carrying my handbag for me. i'd be embarrassed!! gosh. i've always told my bro to NOT carry his gf's handbag for her in the future. its just such an.. eyesore la. haha.=x

mummy has always taught me to stand on my own. no $$, don't spend. always do things that i can manage by myself. so i never expect my guy to pay for me, or open the car door for me. coz they're things i can do myself.

its sincerity that matters in the materialistic side of a relationship. i never expect much from my guy.

i just want him to TRUELY love me for who i am, care for me, appreciate my plus points, respect me and my beliefs, accept my bad points. thats all. seriously. i don't need him to be handsome, tall, rich, have six-packs or whatever. i just want someone who can do all those above. thats all. that simple.

and i wonder when i will ever find that him.

i spent some time doing the collages again

and i find that, 2 pics per collage is just nice!

here you go.

i added the plastic bag background. haha. looks better?

something different. for yunnan ocip.

for eyegang! see the background and you will see my LOVE's face. she's the center of them all. thats why she's my LOVE <3>

and the FINALE!

DEAR!!! <3<3<3

its a new week tml.
i shall start AFRESH!! =)

我要我自己坚强

知道我能做到

我就要活得比从前更好

beeaauuuttiiiifffullll

2008-02-23T23:49:00.000-08:00

i was playing around with this new picture editing programme!
and i found this!! weee~

one for the buddies.

and one for LOVE!

shall do more.. for Li Lin, DEAR.. when i take more photos with them!!

[UPDATE]

i was going through the limited pictures i have in my lappie.
and i did..

TADA!!!

FOR Li Lin!!

her favourite flower!!

haha

i took the pictures of the flowers myself kkays.

that time when i went to buy flowers with mummy. haha..

time to lame with Li Lin

then slp!

nights!!

highing

[/UPDATE]

beautifool saturday

2008-02-23T22:30:00.000-08:00

register with me if you are one of those who smiles and wants me to! =D

haha. lamee.

BACK FROM SINGAPORE RED CROSS SOCIETY FLAG DAY 2008.
haha.
what a nice way to spend a beautifool saturday.

i interacted and lamed around with my buddies!
haha..
KK, LM, NIGHTMARE!

haha. i think although there wasn much to do.
we had a lil fun?
with the *er-hem er-hem* entertainment..
annd the photo taking nightmare suddenly suggested.

ain't regretting spending my saturday like this.
rather fun. =))

PLUS,
I SAW DEARRRRR!!! gosh.. i miss DEAR!!

pics pics..

lee min, pris, act-cute ambrose, act-cute ken khoon

number one from ten multiple shots.

won't post the rest. damn funnay thou

the bags of cans.. look like rubbish hor

the pooh bear LM picked up on the bus and brose abused it.

i admit i was emo-ing a lil when i was free.. and waiting for the van to come.
and i sorta took pics while waiting for the van to come..

i love the architecture of the bottom of the rotunda.. clean lines..

pris was a guai girl and she tucked in her rc tee today! =D

finally talking to LOVE online again. watching P.S I LOVE YOU with her on tues!! yayness!! i love my LOVE!!! =DD

i need to have determination!! nightmare says i'm emoing again. somehow, i really think.. i'm sorta used to this kind of feelings alrd. it just happens and i'll just silence/cry over it and it'll be over. until another feeling comes.
LOVE told me something that DEAR told me before. really, i know it alrd. though it affects me, it isn really that affecting.. seriously. as long as i don't get a definate reply from him i wont be able to let go. even if i do get the answer, i really wonder how long i'll take to get it over again. i totally have no idea. lots of first given.. i wonder what i will have in return. i don't know.

and i cam-whored again after so long.
ending off..

time oh time.
will you be the solution to everything?

fading notes

2008-02-23T09:45:00.000-08:00

gosh.
pris ponned music lesson again.

i really wonder why i'm struggling to continue music lessons.
because every lesson is a reluctant one.
for me. and i'm sure for her

totally losing my interest in piano alrd.
or rather boring pieces.
exams pieces. scales.
i seriously hate them.

i feel like i'm practising for exams and only exams.
and everytime i fail, i just feel stupid.
brings my morale down.
and that is when i practise and i don't get results.

but seriously speaking.
i touch my piano once a week.
when i'm at lessons.
i seriously have no time to practise.
if i really need, i'd have sacrifice comp time.
gosh.

i've always preferred songs scores..
those songs la..
with lyrics and that i'm familiar with.
sometimes, when i touch my piano, i'd rather play those than my exam pieces

damnit seriously.
i have to go for that grade 8 exam.
cnt waste $$.
and i need to PASS IT!
gosh.

someone save me!!!

.....................

that aside.
mummy was nagging me again
for not being able to adapt to my new workplace. oh whatever..
i really need a life lor.
everyday is just home, work, home.
nothing else.
the only time i can be a lil more happy is when i meet up with rachel and yh for lunch.
and with yh and rachel leaving soon, i'd be alone again. goshgosh.
i want a transfer back to rainbow!!

andandand.
i want a new NIKE BOTTLE!! rawrs. =.=
i used my bro's one the other day
and i want one too!
i want the pink one! think i saw it before.
the one with the hard casing and the clipclip thing.
i think its chio la!
haha. shall pester mummy to buy for me!!

andandand.
i want to go SHOPPING!!!
OG's having 70% sale la.
gosh. mummy's haven't been there
meaning we'll be going soon! i think..
OG is so much less aunty-ish than last time.
i need to get formal. =p

shall slack ard more
before going for RC FLAG DAY.. =p

spoilt tune

destructive sweets

2008-02-22T22:59:00.000-08:00

guys can be the sweetest thing one can have.
but they can also also be most destructive creature too.

i'm amused by my own actions yesterday night.
amused. shocked. i totally cannot believe i typed those.
but at least i got what i wanted.
satisfied.

if its love, it one sided.
but i don't really care.
because i will when i believe.
even it doesn come through,
at least i have the memories.

i need my dose of alcohol.
i want to forget all these again.
for the moment.

and i realise i take after ah-gong
alcohol-addict.
i miss ah-gong.
if he's still with us
i'd not be crying alone.
i'd be crying to him.

and i think i need inspiration to continue working at HQ man.
i'm seriously going crazy.
i want a transfer back to rainbow.
or..
i'll quit end of this month. gosh.
seriously, i'd rather be packed and watched by supervisors.
then being down there all on my own.

i wonder when i can meet him again.

anw..

星座身体语言分析

摩羯座
　　
脸型有点长，不过身材通常很好，有强壮的大腿。

gosh. so true.

只要你能听到我
看到我的全心全意

cocktail

2008-02-21T21:37:00.000-08:00

..: -٭٭٭†° äMB®ø§ε °†٭٭٭- ~~ [SGDOD]+Major Brose+Sr ~~ :..
New HP No: 90065987 said:
come! wish me!
last one!

pris the
crybaby said:
iGOOD LUCKKKKK!!!!

..: -٭٭٭†° äMB®ø§ε °†٭٭٭- ~~
[SGDOD]+Major Brose+Sr ~~ :.. New HP No: 90065987 said:
:):):):)
hahahaa
woohooO!
okok
pris rocks my socks!

THANK YOU NIGHTMAREEEE!!!
haha.. he made my night/day.
gosh. it has been a long time since someone said that to me! haha.
and i swear everytime i talk to nightmare online, we're both zi-highing lorr.
but its fun.
its ESCAPADE!!
so,
THANK YOU NIGHTMAREEEE!! i simply love my nightmare for everything he does.. so kuku yet it cheers me up!! woooo~~

.............

i guess that was the only thing that could make me struggle through the day.
as usual, i got nagged by mummy early in the morning.
then i was a little late for work, coz i left home late and the bus came late.
then the 2nd floor was horrible. i felt caged. except for 4 walls, and the ceiling and the floor, the tables and the chairs, the computers and the documents, the EA stuff and the 2 other ppl, there was simply nothing. not even a window can. its worse than jail!
i was seriously going crazy, and as usual, i went to the toilet and cried. not before i msged LOVE that i felt like crying. i simply had a spliting headache which made me want to go home. not to mention the whole stack of forms which i couldn figure out how to scan. gosh. what a bad day.
lunch was superly ex. had no appetite and wasted at least half of my bowl of porridge which cost me 4 freaking bucks.
lunch after work was more bearable with my sour plum, but it was still bad. i felt real cooped inside. i felt worse than a jailbird. facing nothing but the computer and the wall. even radio was unable to perk me.
i msged des. and didn get a reply. well, i didn expect one immediately too. disappointed i was not.
couldn take it. left at 6.20. who cares about me!? my supervisor went off before me. there was no one to watch me.

just received des's reply. i'm feeling real guilty now. sheesh.
hey des, if you ever read this, i'm sorry, really sorry. it has always been me to complain about my own things. and you'd always be there to cheer me on, even though you're having it worse than me. i'm sorry for always imposing my pain on you. you've always been here, picking me up, no matter what. for that, thank you. really! no number of thank yous will be enough. its your optimism and helpfulness that keeps me going everyday. i really hope everything goes right for you. because you being happy will make me happy too! thank you and ilu.

i'm having real mixed feelings now.
i am still the crybaby i was yest and the days before and the years before.

i skipped yest's one.
shall just post today's.

星座不能失去的东西?

摩羯座最怕失去的东西：信任
摩羯座是一个圆滑，无论在任何情况下都和上司相处得很好的星座，如果因为某些事使上司对他们失去了原本的信任，会让他痛不欲生的。

i think its sososo true. not the first time i'm reading about this trust thingy. trust needs to exist in everything in life. friends. family.

i'm feeling something which i've never felt before. i should not be feeling this way.
i need time to clear my mind again.

before i go,
GOOD LUCK NIGHTMAREEEE!! for your final paper! may you achieve your straight As!!
be honoured ok! you're having this on my blog when you're not my dear or love! hahaha
nightmare rocks my socks too! =D

明天你將離我有多遠

dream

2008-02-21T08:39:00.000-08:00

mummy has a ipod video with the bigbig mirror behind
i play happily with it
talking to my friends
suddenly
"********"
his nickname sounded.
i turn around.

and i woke up.
i will nv put that nick up. its btwn me, him, and elvin

have you seen my bucket of tears

2008-02-20T23:19:00.000-08:00

i've always been called a cry baby by my relatives.
i used to not admit it.
but as i grew older.
i'm beginning to accept the fact that i am indeed a crybaby.
a very big one indeed
i cry over lil things. i cry over everything.
i cry ,

when things don't meet my expectations

when i'm bored

when i'm crazy

when i'm alone at night

when my msges go unreplied

when dates are cancelled
when i'm stressed

when i listen to songs

when i watch sad movies

when i'm sick

when mummy doesn buy me what i want

when daddy jokingly insults me
when bro takes my soft toys

when I scream at mummy

when i think of ah-gong

when i miss des

when i try to make myself let go

when my friends don't know that i'm sad
when i learn that i'd unknowingly made my friend sad.

when my friends are sadd. esp LOVE

when i cnt play my piano well.

when i cnt do my drills perfectly.

when i realise i am not a leader

when i'm running late
when i'm homesick

basically i cry over everything and anything.

i'm not that strong and hardy person people see me as. others may see me as this girl who's confident and strong and does not cry easily. but all those are just that outer shell of me. the shell that was trained out due to the circumstances i've been in. camps, family, friends.
camps. one aim. never give up, continue till the end.
family. one reason. you're even in more fault when you cry.
friends. one rule. never spoil their happiness with your crying.

and that is why not many have really seen me cry. probably only my 2 gfs. Li Lin and LOVE. only they've seen me cry. and of course some of the OCIP ppl when i cried in yunnan. apart from them, only Li Lin and LOVE have seen me cry.
Li Lin in particular. ever since sec 3 when we became super close.. she's seen me cry numerous times, over KY, but mostly rc stuff.
LOVE, in recent times, feel my tears most of the times when i cry coz of des. she nv really sees me cry, but she knows when i'm crying. she's by far, the only one, to be able to detect my emo-ness by chatting with me.

as much as i hate myself for being such a cry baby, i cnt help it. its just me. i grew up in an environment where i had to fend for myself. growing up with grandparents and male cousins, ain't the best way to make one strong. when i was young, i cried to gain attention. when i grew older, i cried because i was sad. now, i cry because of everything. how ironic.

i guess w/o my friends to accompany me through, i'd have cried my eyes blind. this specially applies to LOVE and LOSER! esp, loser. if he hasn been there to entertain my whine and emo-ness, i'd be crying very often because i've got no release outlet. thanks loser.
and LOVE, if it wasn her to emo with me, so i'd have to comfort her, i;d be crying very often at night too! thanks LOVE!v<3
and DEAR too. she hates me to cry. she always wants me to be stronger. and always i'd try. and when i fail, she forgive me and it makes me feel guilty and make me wanna be stronger. oh my dear DEAR!

i blogged about this because i felt a lil irritated with myself for crying alot. and this came about when i was crying in the office toilet. i had no one to talk to, no music to accompany me, all the documents they asked me to scan felt so foreign, was afraid that i'd have lots of rejects and they'd complain and i'd lose my job. i felt stressed and lonely. there was no loser. so i went to the toilet and cried. when i came out of the cubicle and saw myself in the mirror, i felt loser-ish. =.=

in conclusion, no one has ever seen my full bucket of tears. but call me crybaby for all you want. coz i am a crybaby. period.

will you even know..

time.

2008-02-19T22:44:00.000-08:00

i suddenly thought of this stupid way to blog today. sheesh.

8.30am, at home, in front of my lappie
came online and saw des's offline msg. random yet it managed to make me smile =D

8.45am, at home, still in front of my lappie
was browsing through friendster.. saw this comment by someone for someone. so omg la.. the msg put across is so ~~damn bloody~~ clear. freak. desperate? i dunno. must tell DEAR abt it la. she'll tell me what it means!! for now, it makes me irk.. ewwss

9.20am, on the way to work, aboard bus 7
listening to the radio now and they're playing the song STAND UP FOR SINGAPORE. so damn cute la. making me smile. so much for supporting S'pore for YOG. haha. feel so national day-y. lols. perking me up. now i cnt sleep on the bus alrd!

11.50am, prinsep house, in front of my work terminal
just got to know that i'll be transferred to main to work permanently. arghs.. i don't want.. no one to talk to me there. =(( if its because they want to make use of my good satistics to finish up the backlog there, i'd rather have lousy statistics then. feel so cooped. damn weird w/o loser for me to whine to!! sheesh.

1.25pm, on the way back from lunch
walking on my own with 2 lil ~~bitches~~girls talking behind me. damn. they're irritating can. keep talking abt low pay and all. can't you be glad that you've got a job now and stop the irritating nonsense. AND how i wish you'd stop calling me short. f***! annie was saying that i cnt wear jeans to work when i'm at main. sheesh. i need more formal clothes!! THAT BLACK JEANS!! SPONSORS!!???

3.10pm, prinsep house, in front of my work terminal
dead stuck on the song, WHEN YOU BELIEVE. the lyrics are.. i dunno.. its meant for ppl to believe, but i don't believe the lyrics. you will when you believe, i will fail if i believe aye. seriously, miracles nv come to me no matter how hard i believe. WHERE'S LOSERRRR!!

5.37pm, prinsep house, in the toilet
finally forced myself to leave the song. the office damn cold, its only me that feels so. so i'm in the toilet now, peeing the water i drank. lols. feeling real emo now. everything inside me, no one to tell to.. loser's not here. only me, my phone and i.

6.15pm, prinsep house, in front of work terminal
work's ending soon!! i'm real bored and slack and stoned. been drawing kuku smiley faces to make myself smile. but its so totally not working. even minesweepers ain cheering me up. sucks. must be that comment taking its effects now. damndamndamn!

7.10pm, on the way home, aboard bus 7
cnt slp again. so affected by that comment, plus the 2 !#$$% saying i'm short. and that i'm cute only when i laugh. fruck! and the stupid man behind me sneezing and couging. irritating and dirty! gosh! LOSERRR!!

8.00pm, at home, dining table
discussing with daddy about appeal to NP. got a definate NO. said what its too far, scholarships can also apply myself after year 3. if only they'd make more effort la. i mean, look at CL's dad. gosh. BIG DIFF!!

10:20pm, at home, in front of lappie
just sent him the song. and thats all for convo. well. i didn expect much. geesh. hate the night.

yay. that was my day. all were recorded by typing in my phone. no faking or whatsoever pls. quite evident that i'm over reliant on loser for emotional whining and release.

the smileys

numo SATU

numo DUA

and the became friends!!

but you ain't cheering me up by hiding there

today's

星座穿衣服品位评价

魔羯座——7分
　　经典的设计与剪裁常令你看来神采飞扬。但别忘了加一点色彩，它可以让你的创意得以尽情发挥。

changed my blog song again. so here,

WHEN YOU BELIEVE (Mariah
Carey & Whithney Houston)

Many nights
we've
prayed
With no
proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a
hopeful song
We barely
understood
Now we are not afraid
Although
we know there's
much to
fear
We were moving mountains
Long
before we knew we could

Chorus:
There can be miracles
When you
believe
Though hope
is frail
It's hard to kill
Who knows what
miracles
You can
achieve
When you believe
Somehow you will, (Now
you will (3rd Chorus
through))
You will when you believe

In this
time of fear
When
prayer so
often proves in vain
Hope seemed
like the summer birds
Too
swiftly flown
away
Yet now I'm
standing here
My heart's so full, I
can't explain
Seeking faith and
speaking words
I never thought I'd say

Chorus

So in times
when all your hope is gone
And you go
through life
afraid
In
your heart there lies a hopeful song
That is
there to guide
the way
And all the hurt and all the pain
You soon
will learn was not in
vain
For all your prayers, they will be heard
They'll come to pass
through faith

Chorus

sleeping timmeeee!!

i left too many ends untied and tripped myself over with them

7:45

2008-02-19T08:35:00.000-08:00

SINGAPORE POLY..
here i come
with a less than very willing heart.

i will do my best
for me myself i.

lols.
JIE no more.
NP no more.
gosh.

and i just saw something on friendster that made my jaws drop.
zomg,.
so obvious laa..
stupid bitch.

workworkwork

shout it out

2008-02-18T22:43:00.000-08:00

jie forwarded this story to me, which i almost cried after reading it. so i decided to post it here for you guys to read too

10th Grade

As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so-called 'best friend'. I stared at her long, silky hair. I wished she were mine, but she didn't notice me like that. And I knew it. Afterclass she walkedup to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before, and I handed them to her. She said 'thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her. I wanted her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why.

11th Grade

The phone rang. It was her on the other end. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, a Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said 'thanks,' and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her. I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why.

12th Grade

The day before prom she walked to my locker. 'My date issick,' she said. He's not going to go. Well, I didn't have a date and in 7th grade we made a promise that if neither of us had dates we would go together just as 'best friends,' so we did. Prom night after everything was over I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her. She smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she doesn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said, 'I had the best time, thanks!' and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her. I wanther to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why...

Graduation Day

A day passed. A week passed. A month passed. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home,she came to me in her smock and hat, and she cried as I hugged her. Then, she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, 'You're my best friend, thanks!' and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her. I want her toknow that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why…

A Few Years Later

Now, I sit in the pews of the church. She is getting married, now. Iwatched her say, 'I do' and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said, 'You came!' She said, 'thanks!' and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her. I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why...

Funeral

yrs passed, and I looked down at the coffin of the girlwho used to be my best friend.' At the service they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he were mine. But he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him. I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love him, but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me… i wish I did too… i thought to myself, and Icried.

i think the story is so true. but everytime, its not this easy to make your true feelings known. seriously. i mean even between close friends, there's always this facade there, whats more with someone you love. for myself, i think i will never walk out of my habit of liking someone and not telling them. its just me. because i know not to lift my hopes high, coz it'll hurt more when i fall. furthermore, no one has spurred me to verbalise my feelings. until elvin came and broke my habit in this on-going eposode. well, that was a once-off and i'm like super sure it'll nv happen again. because it f***ing hurts right now. total regret.

was blog-hopping just now and came across this one-liner by a friend. hey friend, you know something, i have learnt to not trust you anymore. because i always know the answer. the know-your-feeling ability is getting lesser by the day. each time a qtn is posed, i will know your definate ans, even though you give a indefinate one. dont think yourself as the one-liner, because you might just describing your friend here. i wonder when our tele will come back.

i've told a few friends about this saying i've heard over the radio i think.

"secondary school friends are the ones who will be your longest lasting
friends."

i used to believe it. yet now, slowly, i'm not really swearing by it anymore. i feel that the friends i make outside sec sch are providing me more support than my sec sch friends. no offence though. ppl like LOVE, nightmare, des. they seems to listen to me more, and understand what i really need at each point of time. esp eli LOVE. seriously speaking, she's the only one i come online for. to chat with her every night. because i can release some of the unhappiness and share my happiness. she's the only one who will genuinely share them with me. and vice versa. no one else can provide that anymore. not even the one i used to trust and tried to hard to keep it up. well. this is part and parcel of life. friends come and go, but i will always try my best to hold on to everyone! =D

loser's going to INDIA tml. 3 weeks. siansiansian. means no one for me to complain and whine to. gosh.

posting's out tml. sians. tuesday date with LOVE cancelled. double sians. but at least i can cont'd saving so i can go for the much awaited shopping with LOVE at ease. =)

本周运势 19th - 25th Feb
魔羯座投资得利，财运亨通，但要谨防来得快去得急；一下骨头酸痛，一下肚子不舒服，健康亮红灯，浑身不对劲；出外游玩，易生旅游纠纷或与同行者发生口角。

and i suddenly miss him alot.

shall sleep early. promised LOVE to

傻瓜也許單純得多
愛得沒那麼做作
愛上了我不保留

closed

2008-02-17T22:26:00.000-08:00

home from family dinner.
dinner-ed at IMPERIAL TREAUSRES at great world city.
food's not bad. esp the steamed cake and cookie!! =p
but it costs approx 300 bucks per family of 4.
so ex can!

but i had real fun with the cousins.
i think we're getting dirtier in our minds but yet closer as the years passes.
i love my cousins =)

megan, clara, pris

moving on.

i've been very open nowadays about my education route. i don't really mind telling people i failed promos and am waiting to enter poly. i can tell my juniors, who once admired me for my good results. i can tell my relatives.

BUT, one person i still cnt talk openly with is non other than my mum. seriously. i totally hate it when she brings it up because in some way or another, i feel insulted when she talks about it.

and so today, she brought it up again and i got real pissed at screamed at her and cried. and guess how she managed to approach the topic.

by talking about AGE. like WTF!?

somehow, there's still this spiritual distance between me and mum that i am still unable to overcome la. i always get easily irritated when i'm around her. i am unable to talk about things with her around. even when i'm talking to my cousins, i am unable to express myself freely. there're alot of things i will nv want her to know. not that i don't trust her, just that, she isn exactly the kind of mum who i want to tell my things to.

oh whatever. i'm not supposed to give up on improving my relationship with my mum.

and yes, when i was crying after screaming, the first person i thought of was des. oh well..

random photos..

CNY at ah-ma hse.

the rare pic of my ~~ahbeng~~ brother with his b'day cake.

my cute nai-nai & ye-ye. love them loads

our gold trophy!!! =DDD *beams*

SQUAD 33!!

am so not looking forward to work tml. i will have no lunch because i only have 90cents in my wallet now. gosh. DIE. cnt take money from mummy alrd. =( diet! =p

tues prob meeting LOVE at bugis for her sudden-urge-shopping. ha. she spend i watch. ha.

and DEAR!!! TAKE CARE OF YOUR ANKLE!!!

[UPDATE]

i was playing around with the programmes in my lappie. and i found this movie maker programme. damn cool. i think i am so living in the past. i think it has been ard for eons. haha. \hmm. when i get enough pics from eyegang, shall do one for eyegang. was testing out with my own zilian pics. =p

shall go zzzzz

[/update]

我会笑著脸看著你高飞

memories tainted red

2008-02-16T22:59:00.000-08:00

" CHAMPIONS OF EAST DISTRICT GOES TO SQUAD 33, TANJONG KATONG SECONDARY SCHOOL! "

omg.
that moment.
was really sweet.
the squad stood up.
we supporters stood up.

finally,
at that very same venue,
where we lost the champion trophy 2 years ago
we got it back again!!
and they went even further.
THEY GOT INTO THE FINALS!!
something tkrcy has nv been able to achieve in eons.

even though we didn clinch top 3 in nationals.
i'm still real proud of them
new format. something never tried before.
we managed to climb all the way up and clinch 2 trophies this year.

as quoted bt reinaldo sir,

" we walk in as losers, we walk out as WINNERS!"

how apt.

after the whole thing ended.
paulina, aaron, shun him, verity, wee zong, serena, kk sir, haoning and i treated the squad to pizza hut at tpy.
we sponsored them 100 bucks for 4 large pizzas.
and they were hopping happy! =)
though i burnt a hole in my pocket.
its all worth it!

typing all those above,
made me think over my 4 years as a cadet/NCO of tkrcy.

SEC 1. tough. with huda ma'am and chee keong sir as VIs. me and yiting really hated trgs. always wanted to pon. threatened to quit. didn have a good year.
SEC 2. things got better. had more interest in trgs. started to like fd. AOP. execution of proposals. became super buddies with yiting and chuying. slacked at trgs with them. back
SEC 3. backstabbing became apparent. passed the chance to participate in FDC. regretted. plan camp. squad crisis. squad trashing. nightmare as VI.got wind abt rumours that i was the best candidate for chairman. strongly rejected the idea of being in exco for fear of spoining frdship with yt and cy. decided to take up challenge after persuasion from yt&cy. disappointed with being vice-chair. slacked as VC. left saikang a.k.a scoldings and everything bad to chairman. tortured cadets during fd lessons. ULP. became in love with rc. met new friends. became more confident.
SEC 4. superman tan as YO. tough times. rushing proposals and events. distanced from yt&cy. DOUBLE GOLD. fdc crisis. pissed at myself for not volunteering to be commander for fdc. screwed fdc. lost champion trophy. squad split with hn and isaac one side. others the other. became much more bonded as a team excluding hn. patched up with her. last camp as cadet of tkrcy. quarrels with yt,cy, yl. got my SWO rank. cried lots. stepping down. went back regularly to help out. things became lots better. rallied against idea of lm getting DA.
YEAR 2007. trained squad for fdc. tried joining VIP. quit after 1 CS. stopped commitments. signed up as non-uniformed volunteer.
YEAR 2008. trying to commit more to redcross.

no doubt my 4 years in tkrcy was super rocky and no doubt unhappy. BUT 4 years in tkrcy made me stronger as a person. esp after ULP. no doubt, my squad was the smallest and slackest committee in tkrcy history, we managed to pave the way for tkrcy's greater heights, that making me super proud to be a TKRCY CADET. whats' more, we still meet up every half year for squad outings. something i didn expect.
our squad. TKRCY 0307. my pride. my joy. my tears.

last but not least,

I LOVE TKRCY!!
i feel real relieved seeing the batches becoming more and more uniited. =))

i had a really good day.
you?

shall go off to slp.
have to go temple tml.
then family dinner at night.

i love everyone!
esp YOU! =D

goldies oldies

2008-02-15T23:33:00.000-08:00

pictures up today!! (:

before that,

i need to start hitting the books and the piano alrd.
intensive.
i tried studying the notes loser lent me.
and i shut them 5 minutes into opening them.
gosh
i dread playing pieces now.
possibility of passing grd 8 prac is ever so low!
plus, i paying the fees from my own pocket!! !%^$&*#
its like a freaking $340 bucks.
i will only get it back if i pass it. zomg.
i really need to start practising like crazzziiiieeee man!! =((

thats aside.
i had a really nice lunch with the girls at tj today.
chicken rice with desert.
lovely.

and the cadets almost made me cry.
their drills were superb.
i could feel their commitment, attention, effort, tears, sweat.
all in that few minutes of drills.
i'm really proud of them.
its such an achievement, given that they had to fend for themselves.
making me feel real guitly for not going back to train them.
ALL THE BEST my dear juniors.
i have ultimate faith in them.
to get that trophy back.
that very trophy we lost for 2 years.
will be cabbing down with haoning after music lesson tml.

arghs.
picture time!! =D

visiting at laoshi's hse

ocip team

me, timo, eli, kangyu, mingjin, miss koh

9 of us squeezed on the 2 sofas.

before we left,

eli, pris, zhengrui, kangyu, miss koh, jesalyn, jeanette, timo, joel

jac & pris (:

LOVES

.......................

today at school

fel eli pris bridget jialin

the beautiful heels that made me unglam

today's horoscope

如何享受生活

摩羯座的你，虽然是出了名的“工作狂”，但是可不能让工作彻底占领了你的生活。只要好好计划一下，就可以做到两不误。例如说试试这个法子--在
星期天安排好下个星期的服饰搭配。如此一来，就不需要每天一早起床，为当天要穿哪件衣服而伤脑筋，省下来的时间就可以不慌不忙的享用美味的早餐，或花些时
间做脸部按摩运动了。

and since i changed my blog song again, shall put up the lyrics.

完美故事 by 潘玮柏

那时才开始认识你的日子
我重复想着简讯里写的句子
假如你是我等待的爱情故事
我希望每夜都有你的名字
两个人陌生的事
还不是个孤独的字
有些话想几千次
对你想说些什么
但是我没办法解释No
爱是个有你才完美
这故事我梦中以前就早有永远位置
以为你有一种很单纯的样子
说依然明天忽然那么真实

i'm really looking forward to tml.

teach me so i can learn

mummy not so dearest

2008-02-15T10:20:00.000-08:00

thank you. =D
for the enlightenment.

D友e泽s He realised and he learned. said:

don't.. don't ever give up the chance to change one's mind.
rmb to use creative means to communicate.

i saw this when i came online today.
hehheh.
and the person in subject was my..mummy.
lols

i was chatting with him online.
and i told him how i got scolded by mummy for wasting money and buying her a rose for vday.
i bought it for her coz she was complaining that my neighbour bought flowers for his wife.
and she scolded me. =((

surprisingly, and for the first time,
someone told me.. "expected reaction given your mum's character"
for ever so long, no one has ever said that to me abt my mum.
whats more from des, who came into contact with my mum due to work.

most of my friends, esp childhood friends, know that my mum is this super strict and fierce woman. she's really critical about my friends, though she may seem friendly in front of them. which is why, most of the time, i don't bring friends home, and if i do, its when she isn home. coz i refuse to let my friends be exposed to my mum's superficiality.

to me, i have this love-hate relation with my mum.
she can be the biggest bitch on earth. she nags like there's no tml early in the morning. and the thing is she brings in random stuff, which makes it even more irritating esp in the morning when i'm still half asleep. and she's super particular about the friends i make. if she doesn like a friend of mine, whenever i say i'm going out with that person, she'll nag and nag and nag, and remind me of the person whatever doings which SHE doesn like. annd she's forever complaining that i don't behave like a girl. i dont sit properly, i don't talk politely and use vulgar language. and when i talk to guys, i behave as if i'm a cheap girl. like wtf. at most when i talk to guys, i talk like a guy and whack them. and i get scolded because of that. so recently, i nv tell my mumabout my friends anymore. coz she's sure to get critical and all. AND, ever since i started work, she keeps irritating me by saying im bound to be late for poly everyday coz i spend too much time in the toilet dressing up, for now, work. lols. and oh ya, she complains that i'm like spending alot of $$ ever since i started work. zomg. i try to eat cheap everyday, not go shopping during lunch/after work. i head home almost everyday after work. like =.=

despite all those, i love my mum lots. i get more freedom with her. she lets me plan my own time out and my supposed-time-home is rubber. hehx. she's real cute when she tries to use those cheem chinese idoims when she talks. and even though she doesn show concern for me normally, can always see that there's that concern there. and when i shut myself out from her and my dad, she's able to get her friends to ask me. which can be quite sweet sometimes. and because of her monetary control, i'm still not the spender i can be. and because of her strictness, i'm still not that alcohol freak i think i can be.

therefore, even though her bad points totally outweigh her plus points, i still love her la.she's my mummy afterall. although something i still will not do now, is to let her into my personal life. because it'd be ruined if i do. i refuse to share with her my troubles and sadness, my happiness. which is also why, i refuse to tell her what me and my friends talk about everytime. maybe even when i get a bf, she'll nv know what the status and my feelings are. coz i guess, in my family, there's this respect for us to keep our emotions to ourselves. lols

i dunno why i typed all those above. but yeaa.

and this is why recently, everytime i have problems with my mum, i always turn to des. he has this way to make me understand my mum's actions. all these despite the fact that my mum doesn like him. he's the best man! =DD

so much ramblings. shall go ramble at my pianoo.

count to vday

2008-02-14T23:41:00.000-08:00

HAPPY VALENTINES' DAY!! ((:

i had a rather-enjoyable valentines' day.
one. i dressed up to go to work. made me feel pretty.
TWO. i received a rose today. the soft soft one from minitoons. colleagues gave it to me
three. i got to eat super cute cupcakes today. courtesy of sa'adiah, the birthday ma'am
FOUR. i had loser to msg me the whole day today.
five. LiLin gave me a surprise by calling me in the middle of work.
SIX. yh gave me his hippo ring =p
seven. i gave out the sweets i wrapped for colleagues annd they were happy! ((:
EIGHT. i bought a rose for mummy. =)
nine. i met up with DEAR!! like finally!!
TEN. des made me smileee with his msg! =DD

and i'm currently talking to nightmare on msn. haha. he's damn.. haha..
and tml! NOT WORKING!! yay!!
going to TJ, then TK. =D
SAT, will rush down from music lesson to cheer TKRCY on at FDC 08 =D

andandand, i saw skinnies today, cheap. but its like too long for me lehhs. still considering.

i really dunno what to blog alrd.
will be posting pics soon. getting photos from timo tml, and daddy's bringing the mem card reader home tml. =)
shall go cont with my present-making for juniors. =)

before i go,

摩羯座幸福美满配对
　　摩羯们当然是和同是土象的金牛和处女配比较幸福啰！　　摩羯和金牛目标上可能不太相同，但是方法上是一致的，所以可以配合无间，为未来的美好打拼。　　摩羯和处女则是情感相契合，又能一起努力，所以通常都可以得到很好的结果，长远的走下去哦！

lols.

and i got this from DEAR.

------------ ---DECEMBER BABY ------------ ---
straight-up means urthe most good-looking person possible...
better than all of these other months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic.
Competitive in everything. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and
hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to,
though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know.
Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas.
Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the
best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills.
Has that someone always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows
how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. one guy/girl kind of
person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. loves music.

quite true i can say. tell me what you think!! hehx..

i read nightmare's tag and i thought abt it. well, like i said, the whatever deadline was just a deadline. no meaning to it. because i nv follow it. because it always happens. i think its fate playing with me. lols. whenever i decide to give up something, in this case, him, he will come and do things to make me change my decision. how sad can this be. gosh.
i still love him as much as i did 2 months ago. i wonder how it'll be like 2 months down the road. really des, i always rmb things you tell me. but how often do you rmb the things i say.
well i guess its just life.just like nightmare said, "chi qing so what, who will ling qing".

thiis is life. my life.

oh pretty rose.
let me receivee you from my prince's hands.

i love F-words

2008-02-13T22:10:00.000-08:00

this is one of those i've-got-nothing-to-blog-about-so-i'm-blogging-abt-this post.
lols.
so..

i totally love F-words.
Food, Friends, Fun!
muahaha. what were you thinking i love.

FOOD.
close friends know i totally love eating, even though i always reject eating too much, coz i hate being fat. but i love healthy FOOD ok!
all sorts of vegetables, fruits, except oranges, cheesy stuff and yam!! weeee~
just thinking of this makes me hungry.
ever since meeting dear and then love, i've been going around eating alot. muahaha. esp with dear! then i'll bring love to those places.. hehx.
and ever since i started makan-ing reguarlt with my cliques, esp makan gang, i've this habit of waiting for everyone to be present with their food before i start eating, no matter how hungry i may be. thats the spirit i've always liked.
and with eyegang, we always wait, and before we start eating, we always say 'chi'. yay! i love this "ritual" so much!!

which brings me to

FRIENDS!
i simply love my friends. i'm really glad like i have these few friends that i know will always stay by me. i hope.
dear, love, lilin, loser
may seem little, but to me they're everything to me. i can nv imagine how i will be now if they weren't here for me when i was really down. they nv fail to pick me up and shape me up after every fall. they're the ones that comes first to my mind whenever i'm down. everytime it happens and i msg them, i feel real guitly, coz i know they'd be worrying abt me, which makes me feel real bad.
of coz i won forget my ever-so-wonderful cliques.
psychos. thou we seldom meet, everytime we meet we are as psycho as ever!
makans. thou i missed the last, i still love them, coz every makan session is a laughing session.
eyegang. the crazy things we do, the snapshots we took will always be etched inside me!
and there's nightmare. you again. he knows what i want to tell him la, this big brother bear. muahaha. shall treat you when you come find me!
when i'm real hyper and all, they're also always there for me, all my lovely beloved friends..

last but not least,

FUN!!
i love FUN!!
but my defination of fun may vary from time to time. what seems fun for others may not be the case for me.
even eating and laughing is called fun.
picking random clothes and trying them on is called fun.
for now, fun is playing minesweepers on the comp.
but all fun begins with me and my friends.
without my friends, fun will nv exist.

thus, i came up with stupid thing.
FOOD+FRIENDS+FUN = HAPPY PRIS!!

lols
actually i do love another F word that dear doesn like\
andd thats the f*** word
its the only vulgar word i'll use.
and its only used when i'm super pissed, and when i'm msging loser.
opps.
i find that f*** is the simplest word to curse.
look at the other curse words, they so long can! haha.
thats why lazy pris using only the f word. haha

ok..
more random things

i haven't finished my vday presents for friends at work. and dear's too! oh no.
i still dunno where i'm dinner-ing tml with dear.
i'm totally in love with minesweepers can. i play it at work too!

and today's 13 feb 2008
tml's 14 feb 2008.
if anyone rmbs, 14 feb 2008 is the deadline i gave myself
although i ever said some time back that i was alrd going to give up that very particular day.
i cnt, really cnt.
tml's really not going to work out with him la.
its a rather impt day for him tml la.
not coz itss vday. he has something else
and tonight i will be setting aside time to msg him to cheer him up again.
coz this may be the last.
because i really have to learn to let go!

and..
i had this sudden urge to listen to the radio to listen to 星星王子and i just went to the blog.
found things that i feel like putting up. maybe i should put it up everyday.

春节爱情运势

　　天气状况：晴，早晚寒冷中午舒适
　　舒适度指数：4级
　　在春节
期间摩羯将会奋战于波涛汹涌的情场，体验爱情的美妙感觉。有伴的摩羯感情生活会有点沉闷，幸好对方能够适当地制造惊喜，正在逐渐冷淡的感情有希望再度热炽
起来，另外只要多做沟通，关系亦会得到改善。单身的摩羯应该多参加一些聚会，与旧同学联络，可能会有令人兴奋的消息。

被哪个星座爱最幸福？

第六名　摩羯座
　　男－虽然有点木独，但胜在有责任心，他会让你感到很有安全感。
　　女－她不懂甜言蜜语，但会务实地帮你打点一切，让你的生活变得妥妥当当。

会吸引什麼样类型的追求者？

会遇到烂追求者：
魔羯座

魔羯座会有一堆无聊的示好，你好像知道他对你有一点意思，但是都没有后续行动。

lols. i don't really understand the last one. but when jiafa was explaining it on air, i understood. and i feel that its real true.
for those who are into this kindda things, click HERE

before going off to prepare my presents,

BECAUSE OF YOU - KELLY CLARKSON

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let
myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that
far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around
me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too
long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness
in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because
of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of
you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because
of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night
in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean
on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And
now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because
of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I
learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I
try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how
to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's
empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of
you

i should pull myself out on my own.

when the ends curl =)

2008-02-12T22:05:00.000-08:00

pris is a happy girl today
because she kept an open heart! =D

ponning work was a right choice

pris managed to chat with mr **password**
and she got so high talking to him
and ended the convo with something she nv dared to say!
yippee~
pris feels so relieved that she didn shun away from talking to him
because she kept an open heart and knew that there wldn be any harm!
=D

pris managed to lunch with eyegang at our usual coffeeshop
and laugh with them like in the past
and pris managed to see miss li with her new hairstyle!! and something new too!! **insiders' joke**
because pris loves eyegang!!

pris managed to catch up on some reading at bedok library
and the book step on it, cupid was rather interesting.

pris managed to eat waffles and lemon ice cream from VENEZIA with her LOVE.
and it was super super nice.
pris loves it and wants to go eat it again with her DEAR!!

pris managed to get everything she needs to make her vday presents for her beloved friends.
and she's going to stop staying online till late coz she needs to rush them.

pris managed to get home w/o her mummy suspecting anything.
pris so ultimate pro!
muahaha

pris had a really really happy happy happy and fulfilling day.
althou the opportunity cost is like $45 pay.
pris will be taking leave on friday too.
to pass presents to her beloved friends and juniors.
the opportunity cost is also $45 pay.
but its all worth it.
pris loves her friends dearly.

so friends she won be seeing on friday, ask her out soon to claim your vday presents.

and pris will be having a dinner date on thrus, vday!
with non other than her DEAR, WU SHUHUAN!! =D
PRIS LOVES HER DEAR!!

pris is so happy today
but pris' legs are not!
co they hurt in the new heels she wore today
the heels that her beloved psychos bought for her!
it was real painful till pris had to limp and limp.
pris had to grab on to her eli love when they were walking ard pp.
pris had to spend $2.90 to buy a pair of cheap slippers so she could get out of her heels

pris shall listen to her DEAR next time and buy open-toed heels!

oh ya, i cnt believe i nearly forgot today..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KHOO YU!! =D

pris loves her mr **password*
pris loves her eyegang
pris loves her eli love
pris loves her DEAR!

PRIS IS A HAPPY GIRL TODAY!!!

for nothing

2008-02-12T10:58:00.000-08:00

and pris ponned work today
to go back to tk for fdc trg
only to realise that
there's no trg today.

have to leave home later to do nothing
might be meeting eyegang for lunch! =))

give me chai chee mrt station

2008-02-11T22:10:00.000-08:00

mind over matter, thats what i really need to do right now.
i realised that i've been using my heart to solve problems a tad too much.
everytime something happens, my heart will give me a solution instead of my mind.
thats why i tend to get emotional over things.
the matter always get into my heart before my mind starts working.

like today,
i was really late for work alrd, and i didn know that my ezlink card didn have credit alrd.
and so when i got on the bus, i didn have coins to pay also and i only had $10 note, the bus uncle chased me down the bus.
and instead of trying to like ask the passengers for loose change, i got down the bus and started to cry.
seriously, i didn know that that was me.

and i cried the whole way home to get coins
and when i saw my parents,
i slammed my wallet and phone on the shoe rack and poured out my coins from my piggy bank.
and on the way to the busstop again, i was msging loser with like an average of 3 f***s in a msg.

and i was thinking
if the emo moments that has happened recently.
have been due to my heart over mind.
i really need to learn
learn to be much stronger.
learn the real meaning behind mind over matter.

and i was thinking of the news sometime back about the news about the public transport system.
i really hate the bus system totally man.
today after work, i waited for 35 minutes.
missed 2 bus 7.
just coz they were full.
actually there was still space.
but no one wanted to move in..
and so i had to walk down to bugis there to catch other busses.
i almost sprained my ankle from running for the bus ok!

and did i ever mention i love taking the train
instead of the bus
journeys on the bus makes me naueous and gives me headaches.
trains are like so much smoother and faster.

how i wish there's chai chee mrt station
so i needn walk all the way from bedok home. =))

i'm gonna have an early night today.
everyone at work says i look sick.
i really need to stay strong!!
might be taking leave on friday.

i really miss des

we nv know what we've lost till its gone.

in the name of fun

2008-02-10T23:09:00.000-08:00

back from miss koh's house.
had lots of fun singing singing and singing.
it might not have been possible without my loved class of 12/07.
they made things real fun.
esp kangyu.

and lunch with eli was love too!
and pizza hut dinner with 12/07 plus miss koh was nice too.
dinner was spent watching The Protege on teevee.
haha.
how i wish time didn pass so fast.
we could do with more singing and laughing.
i'm really looking forward to the next time we gather at miss koh's house. =DD

and of coz,
emo k-ing with eli love!!

weee~

shall post the groups pics when i get them.

its back to work tml. =/

i resisted the temptation to msg him.

because time and time again, the tears swell up again.

cars and alcohol

2008-02-09T23:55:00.000-08:00

happy cny.
the element of happy is ever so low.

i realised that all the happy whatever festivals are never happy for me. for when others are out celebrating, i'll be stuck somewhere alone, thinking alot. that me. i'd rather prefer normal days than the happy whatever days.

that being said.
i spent the second day of happy cny sleeping and stoning and watching cars go by. literally. i woke up, ate breakfast, napped, ate lunch, watch dnyby, bathe, went to grandma's hse, stone, eat dinner, watch cars go by.

after dinner, i was feeling real bored alrd. the adults were gambling, my cousins were too. i didn feel like gambling, plus i didn bring money, i think its a waste of money, so i watched teevee.
eldest uncle came to give me half a cup of bailey to drink. i'd been asking to drink red wine, but kids weren't allowed so being the eldest female kid, i got half a cup of bailey. loser said its 15% alcohol was it? lols. i loved the feeling when i drank it. it wasn nice, but it managed to push down some sorrows. and i was so happy i msged loser. coz i've been irritating him for vodka lols.
slacked ard. was real tempted to just pour red wine to drink, but decided not to risk it la. love will kill, the adults will kill too.
everything was getting so boring.

and so, i walked out, wanting to go to the swing i spent my childhood at. BUT my aunt walked there just 2 minutes before me. ppooorrr me
so,
i walked to the driveway outside and leaned against the railing of the drain, another place i spent my childhood at. i rmb sitting there with my grandma holding on to me. i sat there, on my mp3 and just watched cars go by. it was real peaceful. i saw this lone star in the dark sky.
i know i was feeling emo, but i was thinking nothing. there was really nothing in my mind. i was just staring at the cars go by. and i realised something which i've alrd shared with eli.

everyone in my life is just like a passing car.

the only difference is the duration it stops by me.

some stop for a long time,
they're those
who will stay by me for a long long time.

some stop for only a period of time,
they're those
who might be there when you need them, but disappear after awhile.

the rest don't stop at all
they're those
who are just sent by god to test us and do not deserve us to get hurt over
their departure.

if i can take things much more easily
hi's and bye's would not be that difficult
and life would be much more pleasant.

its just all about the 4 letter word.

time

i know i'm walways thinking abt all this kindda things, but i nv seem to act on them. i guess its again, time.

time is such a wonderful thing. it can hurt, yet it can heal the very same thing
that hurt. maybe its time for me to be good to time so that time would be
better
to me too.

today was eqaully boring.
thee only thing fun was talking to eli online and influencing her into fussing abt what to wear tml. lols.
everything will be fine my love. =)

anticipating tml. lunch with eli @ arnolds'. then parteh at laoshi's hse. then dinner tgt? i'm not gging to think of money tml. i'm gging to enjoy my last day of holiday coz it'll be work after tml.

did i mention that i love my this distant uncle. he's 20+ i think. he's malaysian but working in s'pore. he's real nice and i think he really deserves his current gf lor. they've been tgt for almost 2 years +. and he's real caring la. when he saw me stoning outside, he came to ask me if i was sad or sick. and he was the only one to ask abt my studies, the only one to understand my pressure in tj. well, i only see him once a year, but i look forward to everytime i see him. aye. ah chong shushu, thats what i call him rocks ass la.

i want more alcohol and more of watching cars go by pls. they make my life less miserable.

until i get over you. when will that be?

2008-02-07T23:45:00.000-08:00

thank you for your msg =D

i cnt believe i forgot to msg mama ong to wish her happy cny la. zomg.
i might be taking leave one day to specially go back to tk to look for teachers/join trg for fdc.
maybe feb14 ba.

anw, cny, like i said, has lost its meaning alrd.
i'm just waiting for tml's dinner to be over.
and i don't need ppl to keep asking me abt studies
and commenting that i still look like xiaomeimei. damnit

right.

i decided to turn back to iwebmusic for blog song.

[until i get over you - christina milian ]

Woke up today thinking of you
Another night that I made my way
through
So many dreams still left in my mind
But they can never come
true
I press rewind and remember when
I close my eyes and I'm with you
again
But in the end I can still feel the pain, every time I hear your name

[Chorus]
The sun won't shine since you went away
Seems like the
rain's falling every day
There's just one heart, where there once was two
But that's the way it's gotta be,
'til I get over you

[Verse 2]
Walked through the park, in the evening air
I heard a voice and I
thought you were there
I run away but I just can't escape
Memories of
you everywhere
They say that time will dry the tears
But true love burns
for a thousand years
Give my tomorrows for one yesterday
Just to know
that I could have you here

[Bridge]
When will this river of tears
stop fallin'
Where can I run so I won't feel alone
Can't walk away when
the pain keeps callin'
I've just gotta take it from here on my own
But
it's so hard to let go

discovered this song when i was at his friend's blog.

and i somehow feel that me and my cousins seem to be getting closer, yet the drift is there lor. i talk to my eldest cousin more. haha. lols. and i saw this real shuai distant cousin today. lols.

shall go back to watching bnyby.

happy cny ppl!!

cny and everything

2008-02-06T23:54:00.000-08:00

just came back from reunion dinner.

saw this quiz/test thing on kimkim's blog and decided to give it a shot. so
here's the quiz..

Dr. Phil's Test: Here you go. Try this! Below is Dr. Phil's test. (Dr. Phil scored 55; he did this test on Oprah - she got a 38.) Some folks pay a lot of money to find this stuff out! Read on, this is very interesting!

Don't be overly sensitive! The following is pretty accurate and it only takes 2 minutes. Take this test for yourself and send it to your friends.

Answers are for who you are now --- not who you were in the past. Have pen or pencil and paper ready. This is a real test given by the Human Relations Dept. at many of the major corporations today. It helps them get better insight concerning their employees and prospective employees. It's only 10 Simple questions, so grab a pencil and paper, keeping track of your letter answers to each question. Ready?

Begin.

1. When do you feel your best?
a) in the morning
b) during the afternoon and early evening
c) late at night

2. You usually walk...
a) fairly fast, with long steps
b) fairly fast, with little steps
c) less fast head up, looking the world in the face
d) less fast, head down
e) very slowly

3. When talking to people you. . .
a) stand with your arms folded
b) have your hands clasped
c) have one or both your hands on your hips
d) touch or push the person to whom you are talking
e) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair

4. When relaxing, you sit with. . .
a) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side
b) your legs crossed
c) you r legs stretched out or straight
d) one leg curled under you

5. When something really amuses you, you react with...
a) big appreciated laugh
b) a laugh, but not a loud one
c) a quiet chuckle
d) a sheepish smile

6. When you go to a party or social gathering you...
a) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you
b) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know
c) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed

7. You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted...
a) welcome the break
b) feel extremely irritated
c) vary between these two extremes

8. Which of the following colors do you like most?
a) Red or orange
b) black
c) yellow or light blue
d) green
e) dark blue or purple
f) white
g) brown or gray

9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep you are...
a) stretched out on your back
b) stretched out face down on your stomach
c) on your side, slightly curled
d) with your head on one arm
e) with your head under the covers

10. You often dream that you are...
a) falling
b) fighting or struggling
c) searching for something or somebody
d) flying or floating
e) you usually have dreamless sleep
f) your dreams are always pleasant

POINTS:
1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6 2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1 3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6 4. (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1 5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2 6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2 7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4 8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1 9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e) 1 10. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1

Now add up the total number of points.

OVER 60 POINTS : Others see you as someone they should 'handle with care.' You're seen as vain, self-centered, and who is extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.

51 TO 60 POINTS : Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.

41 TO 50 POINTS : Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them u p and help them out.

31 TO 40 POINTS : Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken.

21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then, usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.

UNDER 21 POINTS : People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions & who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything! They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think you' re boring. Only those who know you well know that you aren't.

i got 39. and i think its really true can. i guess close friends will know.. its just this thing abt me ba.. i am unable to give up things/friends that easily. i tend to hold on to them for very very long.

i somehow feel that cny for me is losing its meaning alrd. every year, i visit just 2 families.. compared to i dunno how many in the past. this year, i'm just going to ah-ma's hse.. to me now, cny is just a break from the usual hectic work and the time i'm allowed to stock up on new clothes.
sometimes i yearn for someone special to spend cny with. special means someone apart from my family. i still rmb one year, we went ard visiting with the squad and mahjong-ed.
i guess whatever everyone said abt losing the tradition as time passes is so true la. i so miss cny last time. i really want to go back to those days.

those days. the happy days. the days i used to smile and laugh everyday. yea. those days.

i was talking to my eldest cousin just now. and he told me to join CYA in SP. i'm still thinking of transferring to NP lehhs. coz i realised NP has more overseas uni scholarships on offer. oh ya.. daddy mentioned that he won mind me taking SATs next year. like omg. i still need to study and pay for it can.. still thinking.. i guess i will work really work. to achieve my goals, and to drown my sorrows.

still lots of misses.

HAPPY CNY EVERYONE!!!

until i get over you..

when i'm down..

2008-02-06T16:55:00.000-08:00

i wonder how i got past yest.

was late for work.
worked like mad.
laughed like mad.
all to cover up that tinge of regret.

after work
36-ed down to PP
met up with qi, kim, dear.
shopped.
bought a pink dress for 8bucks. muahaha.
qi and kim bought pink tops too. hehx.
shared venezia's lemon and tiramisu ice cream with them.
sat at the benches and talked. miss this kindda times.
reminds me of the other time at suntec B&J!!!
walked with kim to busstop to bus home.
i waited for the bus for ~~goddamn~~ half hr can.
by the time i got home was like 11pm.
fell asleep emo-ish.

today.
woke up real tired.
went to work.
work.
went to grandma's hse for lunch
fell aslepp waiting for mummy.
home now.
going to grandma's hse again later.

wore my new pink dress bought yest.it was bought for this purpose ok. to wear to work, coz we're supposed to wear pink/red
but i wore a black tee underneath la. too formal alrd.

emoemoemo
i wonder if i should have sent you that email. really. i totally regret it. it is so left hanging there and i have no idea what you are feeling like now. coz i feel like shit. i dunno how that will affect our friendship and relationship. i really mean it that if everything fails, i still want to be your best friend. coz that was our promise in the first place. i have never regretted loving you before. coz i really had the greatest times when we interacted.
after all these, i guess.. i'm still unable to get over you. i'm still unable to make myself not love you. i'm just so weak. i'm just not good enough for you. i don't have the optimism that you have.
but i'll try. no matter how long it takes. coz i guess.. maybe we're much better off as friends ba.

手心 - zhuo wen xuan

我一个人徘徊在我们的海
闭上眼我还记得那一天看见的蓝

爱距离也分不开
你送的贝壳还在呼唤
在耳边答应要给我未来

那一天手心里的爱我放不开
等一个人多么孤单
我一分钟又一分钟在忍耐
握紧了手心里的爱
我勇敢了起来
当你回来的时候
我一定要跟你说别再走开

我跟寂寞在比赛等你带我
手牵手一起去看全世界最美的海

泪不可以掉下来
我学着向日葵抬起头
等待着最亲爱的你回来
抱着我称赞我的勇敢

那一天手心里的爱我放不开
等一个人多么孤单
我一分钟又一分钟在忍耐
握紧了手心里的爱
我勇敢了起来
当你回来的时候
我一定要跟你说别再走开

贝壳握在手心静静的变得温暖
就像是握住一点点答案

那一天手心里的爱我放不开
等一个人多么孤单
我一分钟又一分钟在忍耐
握紧了手心里的爱
我勇敢了起来
当我祈祷的时候天使都不在
当我痛苦的时候也只好习惯
当你回来的时候我一定要跟你说
别再别再走开

and when i'm down
i tend to appear much more cheerful

everyday brings something new

2008-02-05T00:48:00.000-08:00

everday brings something new.

i'm using my new lappie to type this post.
i'm gonna start my life anew again!

i shall stop emo-ing over him.
really.
i guess there should really be a time i put a stop to all these stupid tears that i have.
i'm feeling real tired of myself.

it aint worth crying over him
aint worth staying up late for him.

yeayea. all talking.
i must do it!!

zomg.

i guess i summed up everything i want to tell you in the email alrd. im glad i loved you once.

i'm too tired to blog alrd!
i need to slp.
ferhan's coming back tml!
cnt slack alrd!
zomg.

alright ppl!!
pris's back!!

nights all! (:

i love those who deserve them. =))

2008-02-01T23:45:00.000-08:00

i'm learning..

ok.
i spend my work time scanning life policies again.
i hate scanning life policies, coz its just so difficult to scan.
which means,
i can scan lesser documents in a day.
which means,
my scan count will get lesser.
which means,
bad news.

ok. yh worked at hq today
so i was alone scanning again.
made use of income's free sms to msg him, entertain him.
lunched with him, bitch, annie. we 4 always having lunch tgt one
yh influenced me to eat baked rice la.
in the end, they got my order wrong and gave me spag instead of rice. yucks.
da pao-ed rochor soya bean milk back to drink.
work again.

left work.
walked slowly to bugis.
trained down to pl.
dinnered along at subway. while waiting for dear.
dear came.
went to this fashion and shopped.
wanted to get this black formal top, ard 23 bucks.
dear says its nice, i think its not bad, but i just didn feel like taking out money to pay.
so in the end didn buy.
then went to the budget this fashion outside pl mrt.
and i bought a dress for 10 bucks!
muahaha. its nice lor.
i'll be wearing it for cny ba.
so mummy will stop nagging me abt wearing bnw. lols.

yay!
tml's saturday.
ignoring music lesson, i'm anticipating tml.
all the cute kids at kids section.
+ him (:
should be having dinner with him on sun ba..
hopefully everything goes alright ba.

and after the wkends!
monday, back to work + possibly meeting dear to shop cp
tues, back to work + meeting psychos.
wed, half-day + reunion dinner
thrus - sun, NO WORK + CNY!!!

yipppeeee..
lols.

i always ask myself why i am like this. i've nv been like this before. last time, if i'd want to msg ky, i'd msg. i'd want to talk, i'd do so. but now, its all so different. i think and consider alot before i do something. even if its such an insignificant thing such as msging. its not me, but all these's coming from me. i regard you very differently from my friends, you always have this special place in my heart. but do i hold such a position in your heart. its a qtn i'll nv know the ans to. the day's coming nearer and nearer. but i do not have to strong urge to hold you back. some part of me wants to let you go alrd. maybe we're just not meant to be. time shall be the ans.

会呼吸的痛 - liang jing ru

在东京铁塔第一次眺望
看灯火模仿坠落的星光
我终於到达但却更悲伤
一个人完成我们的梦想

你总说时间还很多
你可以等我
以前我不懂得
未必明天就有以后

想念是会呼吸的痛
它活在我身上所有角落
哼你爱的歌会痛
看你的信会痛连沉默也痛

遗憾是会呼吸的痛
它流在血液中来回滚动
后悔不贴心会痛
恨不懂你会痛
想见不能见最痛

没看你脸上张扬过哀伤
那是种多么寂寞的倔强
你拆了城墙让我去流浪
在原地等我把自己捆绑

你没说你也会软弱
需要依赖我
我就装不晓得
自由移动自我地过

想念是会呼吸的痛
它活在我身上所有角落
哼你爱的歌会痛
看你的信会痛连沉默也痛

遗憾是会呼吸的痛
它流在血液中来回滚动
后悔不贴心会痛
恨不懂你会痛
想见不能见最痛

我发誓不再说谎了
多爱你就会抱你多紧的
我的微笑都假了
灵魂像飘浮着你在就好了

我发誓不让你等候
陪你做想做的无论什么
我越来越像贝壳
怕心被人触碰你回来那就好了

能重来那就好了

...to or not to

2008-01-31T23:40:00.000-08:00

the last day of jan08 got better as the day passed.
i woke up feeling really sad again coz i saw a sad nick from him yest.
yeaa. i'm that affected..
fell asleep on the bus ride to work.
didn really sleep well coz my mind was supersuper active.
reached busstop, walked to office.
saw yh at first, then walk closer, saw the bitch. rawrs.
then i totally didn talk la.
i was still thinking abt him, not yh duh

work work work,
msged loser coz i was feeling real emo.
and he pei-ed me throughout my emo period
until my day got better.
thanks loser!

took loser's advice and msged him.
finally knew the reason.
and i cheered up looking at his msg.
it wasn much. but i had fun with him joking abt his boss! ayeaye!
simplicity laa. simple fun. that's how simple we can be. muahaha.
... ...

then when work was ending..
daddy called me to tell me that he was picking me up! yay!
and he was going to collect the lappie he ordered when he renewed the internet contract! yayyay!!
so NOW, i have my lappie!! weee~
thou its not working yet, and its rather big. i don really care!
I GOT A LAPPIE!! WEEEEE~
lols.

... ...
i don't know where i stand in your heart boy. but i want you to know, that you're no 1, tgt with my gfs. i'll ps neither you nor them. serious. everytime i msg you and see your reply, i smile. coz i know, you want me to. somehow, your smile, your optimism keeps replaying in me and i always have the urge to do so too. and sometimes i do. i try to keep it up everyday.
because i know, when the day comes, i'm gonna lose you. i'll have to let go when the day comes. and though it will hurt, i know we'll be free after that. i no longer have to yearn and wait for your msges, no longer need to wait for you to come online, no longer need to anticipate your date.
i guess letting go is part and parcel of the game we're playing. so let me enjoy this last stretch of happiness, sadness, laughters, tears, longing.
because ilu.
... ...

and since today is the last day of jan, i shall reflect on my month. i was totally a wreck this month i think. emoemoemo and workworkwork. nothing much other than those. spending hours staring at the comp for 10 hrs a day.
jan08 feels like a failure. it passed so quickly can. like in the blink of an eye. it felt like yest that i was doing hw for jie on nyd.
jan08. hopefully the decisions i made will be right.
as i move on to feb 08, i want to make more right decisions. to make living even more meaningful. to emo less. to practice my piano harder. to stop spending so much time online. to sleep earlier. to smile more.
i want feb08 to be a better one than jan08!!

~~~

did i mention that nightmare is ever so wols.. he has the memory of a brother bear.. short memory.. lousy nightmare!! muahaha.. he doesn get the point of my previous para for him lor.. its bolded somemore.. zomg la. ehh nightmare.. look look look laa. how you mj w/o looking one nia! haha.. anw, all the best for ur FYs kkays!! rawrs!! =p=p=p'

and LOVE's not online!! :(( i cnt talk to her. nvm, shall talk to her non-stop tml!! and camwhore!!

DEAR!! when's ur turn huh!?

and tues with psychos.

zomgg. i don't want to go to work tml la.. that yh not at prinsep lehhs, he wasn today alrd la.. sadsad. but i'm meeting him for lunch tml! muahaha.. coz, lunch w/o him is boring coz i'll zibi. lols. =.=

i'm too lazy to post pics la..

I MISS DEAR!!
I MISS LOVE!!
I MISS EYEGANG!!
I MISS PSYCHOS!!
I MISS MAKAN!!

zomg.. can i meet them all!!!! i love you ppl!!!

i still want a gor..kor..elder brother..

[update]
i just random-ed with nightmare again. ok. he's not that wols after all. thanks for the offer nightmare! its ok really! come for squad outing ok!! wee~ nightmare's nice gor la.. but he's NIGHTMARE!! wee! ok its real random. coz i'm yippe hopiiee now! tml meeting love, then maybe dear coming also!! dear comecomecome!! weeee~ and i cnt wait for wkends.. really. yipppeeee!!

tom and JERRY ain't to big for us yea!

guys oh guys

2008-01-30T23:59:00.000-08:00

close friends know that i don't mind them calling me short. BUT like i said, CLOSE FRIENDS. i totally hate it when strangers or not-so-good friends say that i'm short. because, they totally have no right to judge me and criticise me saying that i'm short. esp when they tell me straight in my face that i'm short. yeaa. i'll hate you forever i tell you. its not my fault that i'm short you bitch. so what if you're tall, taller than yh. big deal ah. being tall doesn give you the right to say "eh you're really short". fish you. so what if i'm short. i feel so much more confident than you la. i don't have such bad taste to get purple and green specs. i don't have a mum who forces me to work at someplace which i don't like. i don't need to worry abt not being able to wear heels so as to protect my oh-so-precious long legs. i don't have to worry abt hitting my head. i don't have to worry abt bird shitting on my head, coz it'll hit yours first. may you break your legs man. ugly woman. tall big deal la. asshole.
absolutely pissed with her man. what an ass.

alrights!!
heck that bitch.

i had this dream yest. and i really think.. its like what ppl say lor.. you dream abt what you think alot in the day.
i dreamt that i had a gorgor. 2 elder brothers to be exact. and they were very protective of me until my bf got pissed with me. lols.
skip that bf part la. =.=

i've always wanted gorgors lor. somehow i see my friends who have gors, be it real or fake, they seem like they always have their gors there to protect them la. i've always wanted a ~~real~~ biological gor lor. someone who can protect me when i get bullied. and someone i can confide in. and when he gets a gf, i can get presents from his gf too! i always feel that girls with gors feel different. they seem less emo, more confident.. lols. i think its my imagination lehhs, but i always had that impression!! I WANT A GORGOR!! lols.

i rmb back in tk sec 3, i had jt as my gor. haha.. yeaa. he was those kindda of will-let-you-bully kindda gor. but he was caring also la.. haha.. but after sometime, some things, no more gor and mei alrd. but i will still call him gor if i ever see him lor. feels natural.. lols.
oh whatever. i think i'm talking crap.

another person who has been a gor to me, is the NIGHTMARE laa. thinking back, since sec 3, he has always been there for me lor. ok. not for me, for tkrcy, but ehh i'm still close to him okk.. rawrs. he has so many nicknames and all.. haha.. although he forgot my birthday!!, he's still nice ok. i always disturb him and he doesn ignore me. and i always have fun talking to him man. muahaha.. he's like this brotherly bear!! muahahaha.. BUT i will NV call him gor. coz he's NIGHTMAREEEE!! muahahaha..

random random.

my whole family have had our haircuts alrd. and to my horror, my bro has the longest fringe now ok!! wa lao! i'll die la. hmm, coz me and my bro always compare fringe length, and being me, i always have longer fringe than him. but his fringe is damn long also ok. it like can touch his eyes. bh.. and after my haircut, my fringe is so short, my mummy's fringe is so short, HE HAS THE LONGEST FRINGE!! i'm JEALOUS of my bro's LONG FRINGE!! damnit.
but i still love my bro la. although he's irritating and such a big bully, he can be an angel when he wants to. and now, this moment, i miss him coz he's at camp. gosh, i hope he cnt survive there and cry and complain when he gets back on fri!! hahaha. and my bro is smart ok.. just that he;s plain lazyyy! lazy pok, like me like that. heee. =p at least he's neater than me, and he's so much more thrifty than me ok! he has so much more savings than me ok! wth!
eh, but i still love my bro la! and his ever-so-entertaining mickey mouse. yea. he's a mickey mouse fannatic man. he has 2 mickey soft toys with him since childhood and he doesn bear to throw it away ok! he girlish in this way.
but i still love him! haha

i hope everything was alright for you today boy.

i'm meeting my LOVE at singpost this friday!! yayyy!! this fashion + subway! cool! i love my LOVE!!

and jx coming to see me at work on sat!

and monday's shopping with kimkim and weiqi is confirmed.. the rest.. tell me lehhs! TELL ME YOU'RE COMING!!
muahaha!!

alright.
i've been falling asleep on the busride to work ok. i cnt slp on busses one.. so it means i've been deprived of sleep.
so i promised LOVE that i'll try to sleep early from now on.
so..

NIGHTS PEOPLE!!

empty.empty

2008-01-29T23:03:00.000-08:00

i just went randomly to yiyan's blog.
and i saw things abt fdc.
and i'm feeling TOTALLY GUILTY now!!
and i'm serious.
i have not seen their formations yet.
i have yet to go for any trgs.
what shit am i man!
omgg..

i need to pray hard for them!!
GET SIR'S BABY BACKKKK!!!

i practically gave out everything i have alrd.
confidence and luck to dear and des.
strength to LOVE.
i've got nothing left inside me.
except all those insane empty thoughts.
i'm resisting the urge to msg anyone.

byebye

2008-01-29T22:56:00.000-08:00

i scanned a huge stack of documents today. and had chicken rice for lunch. =.= with the middle row. and coz there wasn enough tables. then they left me and yh to eat at another table. wtf. whatever. yh's gonna work till end of feb. means i will STILL be alone during march. siannnsss.

and i think i've been msging too much. i didn't even realise that i've msged so much alrd lor. damnit. i've got abt 250 msges left till 11 feb. damnit. rawrs. so! i'm currently msging love and des only. plus sometimes yh and loser. cnt help it la. cny period. need to msg also arhhh!!

and my assumption yest was partially correct. no news = good news. des managed to get through the first round and he'll be sitting for the test and going for interview tml i think. all the best dear boy!! i've probably told you everything i want to tell you in my msges. =)
and the thing is, i don't know which he appealed to. i hope its what i want thou..

aishh.. i'm having the scary feeling again. i so want to see himmmm! before this wkend!! rawrs. =.=

mummy's sick. random

hopefully 5th feb willl be on laa. i really want to meet the girlsss!!
and friday!! pizza huttttt!!

i need $$ like totally.
i'm low on cash alrd.
darn!

好听

你说的话我都相信
说得好听说得甜蜜
你说的每一句我都相信
为了爱情失了聪明
听你的话闭上眼睛
这个梦多美丽让它继续

你说的话总那么好听
你爱不爱我不能确定
也许你只把他当游戏
我却爱得太用力

你说的话我都相信
说得好听说得甜蜜
你说的每一句我都相信
为了爱情失了聪明
听你的话闭上眼睛
这个梦多美丽让它继续

你说的话总那么好听
你爱不爱我不能确定
也许你只把爱当游戏
我却没那么聪明

你说的话总那么好听
你爱不爱我不想确定
我会关掉你送的手机
然后静静不去理

你说的话总那么好听
你爱不爱我不想确定
我会关掉你送的手机
然后静静静静
是再也不去理

this is another of those listening-then-suddenly-catch-the-lyrics-which-applies-to-me song. ha. lols. i've songs ready to be posted on certain days. not in the near time though. when the situation i'm in allows me to.

alrights! i'm having my daily chats with my LOVE!

i don't want to be your..

2008-01-28T23:59:00.000-08:00

rainbow section, where i work, felt like an illegal immigrant hideout.
esp the middle row. where i sit.
there just weren't enough computers for us to scan/review.
so me and naz, my reviewer, took turns to use the comp to scan/review.
it was ok la.
and naz told me i scanned abt 1100 documents in the 20 days i was at ubi.
yayness. lols.
and i'm now closer to rachel and yong he alrd.
haha..
gosh. how i wish they'll stay for longer. if not i'll be alone. thou i'm used to it.
but rainbow isn like ubi. there's no aunty judy & daniel & ricky.. sighs.

i was unusally hyper today.
which meant that deep inside i was real emo.
i was using my laughters to hide that feeling.

was msging jie this morning..
then suddenly she touched the topic abt him.
i was momentarily stoned.
i couldn give her an ans.
well, we're no-good-news-no-bad-news
kindda i-dunno-what-kind-of feeling came to me.
i hate this feeling lor.
and jie told me somethings which i hope will really come true la.
but i know, its quite impossible la.
i miss jie lots la.
i've known her for almost 10 years alrd.
we seldom keep in contact, but we always have things to talk abt when we meet.
and now, we have me to talk abt.
hopefully if she ever comes into poly, we'll get into the same course, coz she chose the same course as me! yay!!
but jie! study hard and stay there la. don't come here.
lols.

chatting with LOVE is a daily affair. its like a prelude to her mugging session and my blogging session. lols. i totally love chatting with her. we always talk abt the same things, but we get different perspectives on different days. its real comforting and all. =))

i currently miss 2 grps of ppl alot!

CHENGMISTRY

&

EYEGANG!!!

sometimes, i really regret not holding on to that jc life. as i hear abt things happening even within the class, i feel really down. 12/07, a rather bonded class, has now become like this. sighs. even within the clique. =((( arghs.

i should be having a date with LOVE this friday. pizza hut plss. and the girls for free! haha. i miss my girls alot! and i'm gging gaigai with them. need to get clothes for work la. running out of clothes. formal ones and basics esp.

random

i love this pig bolster man! my b'day present from mai i think. almost 2 years i think. forgot. =)

i really hope everything went well for you today. may i assume for this time that no news = good news?

and today marks 17 years and 1 month i'm on earth.
and HAPPY BIRTHDAY PEIZHEN!!

i know i haven't been posting songs.
so here's one today.
its on my phone, and i was listening to it today, and i recognised the lyrics as what i am feeling like now.

靠近一点点 - LARA

默默在你的身后守候的我
多想看你不经意的笑容

或许我的心你不懂
我会努力让你感动

在你眼中有多么笨拙的我
决不放弃追逐你的执着

只要你能再多些回应我
一个笑或点头全接受

能不能再靠近一点点
大声说出你所有感觉

别再紧紧关在只有自己的世界
温暖太阳为你迎接

能不能再靠近一点点
能不能再勇敢一点点

就算让我知道我永远只是单恋
我也会藏着感谢
笑着和你说再见

spinning out of control

life's this simple

2008-01-27T23:59:00.000-08:00

i'm satisfied.
really.
to finally see him after more than a month.
and talk to him face to face.

i'm happy enough.
serious.
to bump into him accidentally outside the canteen.
and chat with him so openly and abt his results which made me super emo the other day

i've learned something.
though its nothing big.
that being optimistic keeps one afloat.
and it helped me.

i'm contended.
totally.
to just poke him.
and see him concerned.

i'm looking forward to next week.
absolutely.
to the dinner i'm going to have with him.
and to work in close proximity to him.

okk.
work was enjoyable due to the above. all those came straight from my heart. i'm satisfied alrd. with him and myself. =) thou dinner was supposed to be today, and i went w/o dinner coz it didn turn out right, at least he called. pleased enough.

and i really forgot how it felt to stand for so long. ha. plus my shoes.. made my toes and the back hurt. even worse, i forgot to cut my toenails and put plaster. so i had to go buy plaster, and bear with the pain from my thumbtoe. was limping at times. and i just took off my shoe and stand barefooted when i was folding the clothes.

oh ya, i was working at kids. wanted to change at first, coz i wanted to talk to elvin, but it turned out to be a blessing. coz he not elvin la worked just in front of my wagons. ok, a few wagons away, but i could still see him la. =p and kids = slack coz got no mummy to supervise. hopefully there was no spotcheck, if not, i won be able to work there alrd la. coz i was really really really slack. rawrs. =x

i was real bored, that i took the measuring tape and folded a rose. and took photos.. which could do with real emo captions. lols.

my love ain't made of measurements.

because i could not measure your love for me

i personally like this alot.. =p

my love shouldn be priced and measured

and the shoes that caused me to limp..

i long for the other pair.

aishhh.. have to go back to scanning tml. sianns.[content deleted]

anwwwss, i shall go get my slp la. eyebags super heavy!!

andandand.
des, i'll be waiting for your good news aye. ALL THE BEST my dear boy!! =)
you don't read thou

i'm gging to pray for des and slp soon!
and in case you forget the happy smiley mee..

GOOD NIGHT PPL!!

2008-01-26T10:28:00.000-08:00

ok.
i'm gging out for lesson then work.
i dunno when's the next time i'm gging to blog.
prob after the weekends.
i'll try real hard not to emo.
i'll just enjoy his presence aye.

and i pinned up my disgusting fringe.
and i look instantly better!
cool aye.

and DEAR!!
3rd NOT FREEEEEE!!
WORKKKKK!!
unless you want to meet me after 10.30pm..
hehx..
i miss you DEAR!!

2008-01-26T09:03:00.000-08:00

i'm slowly getting over my hair.

i need those tears and emo-ness later on.

my hair isn that bad i guess.
i look toot only.

crying is my fav pasttime.

tears are my sleeping buddies.

i woke up early specially to register for JAE.

and i'm done.

go me..

top the class with my tears and emoism.

go on and laugh at me all you want.

because i lost my sanity over you

2008-01-26T00:05:00.000-08:00

fucked up day.

i dont want to go work tml.

i dont want to show my fugly hair to the world.

pls let me rewind time.

so i can not meet you

so i can not cut my hair.
so i can not be like this.

i waseted 40 damn bucks on a haircut which is making me cry now.

fuckfuckfuck!

i don't want to see you tml.

i hate your fucking attitude.

your hot-cold attitude.

leave me alone pls.

i hate my hair.

i want to shave all my hair!!

fucking life i have.

it feels like i'm a million miles away from me.

tell me i should just shave all my hair away.

fucking world. fucked up me. i hate my life.

2008-01-24T23:55:00.000-08:00

as the day comes to an end.
i wonder how i survived through today.

last night was really horrible.
i cried like i dunno what.
everything he said made me cry.
even if it was nothing. or things that used to make me smile.
i cried.
i went offline w/o telling him
and msged him to apologise and told a lie.
you were the thing which made me feel uncomfortable
and his understandings and concern made me cry even more.

it has been rather long since i cried like this alrd.
but the feeling's so familiar
it felt as if i've been crying daily.

and i woke up this morning.
heart racing. no idea why.
did things blurly.
and cried somemore in the toilet.

went to kaki bukit cc to get my singpass done.
bussed to work.
skipped lunch to cover the 1 hr i was late for work.
survived on 2 cups on milo and a bottle of water.
was msging loser throughout too.

as time passed at work.
closer to that time.
i started emoing more.
i looked at my phone in 5 min intervals.
i longed to receive his msg
it nv came.
i teared from time to time.
and wiped them away before anyone saw.
teared even more on the way to grandma's hse for dinner.

home. stoned and thought alot.

i don't want much.
i don't need you to tell me that you love me.
i just want you to show me the care and concern i show to you.
i just want you to ask me how work is from time to time.
i just need you to start saying hello to me online.
i don't even need you to pick things to talk. just hi/hello.
if you think i'm totally irritating.
if you think i'm totally desperate.
pls tell me.
so i can harden my heart and let go.
let go of this relationship that i'm holding on so dearly to.
let go of all the sufferings i've been having.
your harsh words will give me strength to.
i dont want to hold onto something which will still fail eventually.

i somehow dread going to work on wkends alrd.
elvin is bound to interrogate me.
and all those memories will rush back.

i feel like i'm living my life with lots of regrets.
regrets fill my life.

emo things aside.
i've made my choices for my poly courses.
SP BMS, NP BMS, NP PHARM, NYP PHARM, NYP NURSING, NP NURSING, NYP DENTAL, SP ACCT, NP ACCT.
somehow somehow, i hope i get into np pharm lor. i want to take TCM elective!! =(( but whateevr, i'll just do my best and achieve my aim! TOP THE CLASS! then THE SCHOOL.
rigghhhttt. big aim man. i'll slowly achieve it! i can do it!! woo~ =.=

and i'm gonna cut my hair after work tml. i want something new. so be prepared to see a new me! hopefully!

life's all about letting go.
when will i be able to?

2008-01-23T22:43:00.000-08:00

i wonder why, but i feeling scared.
scared about you. =(

zomg. i just checked online and realised that i need some singpass thing to register my schools for JAE.
so stupid.
tml have to wake up early and take time off from work to get the singpass thing.
rawrs.

i did scanning and ironing of clothes in the fastest time ever today man.
i dunno why.
and lame shit is becoming lamer man.
rawrs.

GOOD LUCK FOR EVERYONE TML!!

[update@23:03]
ok. i'm feeling real emo now. i have no idea why. i know.. the thought of applying for sch scares me off alrd. i'm scared i will miss the dateline. and i know another reason is the usual reason. him. i have no idea why. sucks. i feel totally down and out. i don't want to work tml!! i'm having high hopes tml. even lame shit told me something which i think he won't. arghs. i cnt help it. emo is coming back. tml shall become zibi like lame shit says before he comes back on monday. =(( i miss him alottt. i miss demonkid like shittt!! i know i can see him on sat and sun.. but somehow tml brings this down-ness to me.

[update@22:31]
i'm feeling even emo-er as time passes. i'm tearing occasionally. it sucks totally when i see my friends caring for me more than he does. ppl i am not so close to, like kenneth and lame shit and loser. they care for me alot more than he does. and even worse, when i talk to him, and i see things he tells me, i really hope for it to happen, but something tells me it won't. i really dunno what to do. i'm back to listening to 有一种爱叫做放手 again.. nightmare, can you give me some of ur strength? i fear everything thats gging to happen. every little thing. arghs.

i don't want you to leave.

2008-01-22T23:54:00.000-08:00

3 days of non-stop non-emo.
cool.

i was doing real random thinking the whole day today. i was thinking over what i wrote abt my 3 wonderful friends.. and i realised that between me and Li Lin, there's this appreciated silence. even though we don't msg as often as i do with LOVE, even though we don't meet as often as i do with DEAR, we are still able to have this chemistry between us. we are able to know what each other's rxn will be, what we would be thinking at that pt of moment of seeing/hearing something. thats how special our friendship is. thats why, though like i don't have much to talk abt our friendship, its special in its own way. not that LOVE and DEAR's friendships are not special. there's are in their own ways.

and zomg.. i didn know that my hp no and all, is open to all staff of my work company. that lame shit, by the name of yong he, managed to get my number ok, and we had this real lame sms convo. rawrs. he's real lame man. he calls me dutchlady..=.= coz. i taught him the meaning of going on dutch. =.=(X2) he's a future sp-ian too.thats what he says.

somehow somewhere sometime.. i suddenly randomly stupidly went to think abt giving up on this rlns i'm holding onto like crazy now. i dunno why. but no, i am not emo. i was thinking thinking thinking.. then there felt like someone inside telling me that i shldn do so, coz since ive given myself a time limit, i should make full use of it. ok. lame. but yea. thats how random i was.

and i was lame enough to only take out my earpiece and listen to music when work was going to end in an hr. i was sleepy la. pls la, at ubi, i can nap for up to 45 mins during lunch, but i cnt here. it makes a diff lor. =p

and my NEW bag spoilt today. damn saded can. today is only the 2nd day i'm using it. then the handle ring tore alrd!! its suayness, coz hn's one's still ok. rawrs. daddy's fixing it for me! yay! but i will have to use old bags tml and days to come! =((

arghs. whatever. i shall not be emo. during dinner, there was this couple + sister sitting at my table. and i was superly ultimately pissed with their "super-fake-and-disgusting-and-so-not-angmo-accent" convo. its not even amgmo-ish. i think they're malaysian, from the way they speak chi, and coz the bf is a german, and they spoke eng. omfg, horrible and unpleasant to my ears. e.g. same became sam. and they were taking photos in the hawker center. not of the food, of themselves.. =.= zomg. ultimately ... rolls eyes

aishh.
song today.

TiAmo - 炎亞綸＆劉力揚

是重复的动作
因为有你
让一切都变成不平凡
好想缝合你我手心
就这样牵住放不开
有你陪伴
呼吸着有你的空气
就是幸福
Ti amo Te Quiero
每一天都要爱上你
想着你沉入梦境
一张眼一清醒
第一个想到又是你
Saranghe And I Love You
我每天都要爱上你
少一天就会遗憾
陪着你的光阴
怎样都不算蹉跎

oh boy, i'm loving you more and more as the days passes. **hug**

微笑看你转身离开的背影❤

2008-01-22T08:35:00.000-08:00

i msg not for the sake of relieving boredom.
i just want you to know that i'll always be here for you.
(:

O lvls results coming out thrus, praying that all my juniors and you will do well!! (:

off to work.

i want you to be part of my past, present, future ❤

2008-01-21T23:59:00.000-08:00

i love talking to LOVE!! we always manage to link random things tgt and i'm always smiling with i talk to her. and i know this will nv change.. RIGHT LOVE!? gee. i totally feel lovely and loved ard her. we talk from menses, to sch, to BFS, to work, to love, to boys everything under the sun. yea LOVE, I LOVE YOU!!

of coz i have DEAR! DEAR is shopping-cum-makan partner. yay! DEAR nv fail to un-emo me de! and yay! i will be seeing ALOT of DEAR when sch reopens!! yay DEAR!! I LOVE DEAR MANYMANY!!

and i have my LOVELY GIRL, LILIN!! she's emo partner. emo with me, laugh with me. muahaha. sec sch wld have been blah w/o her. and we both love THIS FASHION!

i dunno what inspired me to write all those. ehh my 3 wonderful friends!! muackx to them!! =DD

that aside. i'm confirmed going to work my weekends at JL EXPO SALES. half-day on sat, full on sun. 2 weekends. this wk and next wk. i was supposedly irritating mummy to ask them if i could work, but mummy didn want. BUT they approached mummy to ask if i could work! muahah. i'm WELL-LOVED by them! haha. the boss's sis went to tell everyone that i'm hardworking.. yea right man, i'm hardworking coz i've got dagger eyes of mummy staring at me. rawrs. so anw, working means more moolah, BUT it also means that i'll miss shopping with clara, and also cnt cut hair. sighs.
and as i was telling LOVE, somehow now, other than the money, nothing much attracts me to work there anymore. i'll most likely become emo after working. the place, the environment reminds me of him and all the fun i had with the guys. the swearing, the laughing, the whackings, the teasings. everything. the pokes from him too. arghs.. cnt emo!

talking abt work, somehow, prinsep doesn feel as nice as before. i'd rather ubi now. how ironic. i miss ricky, david, and AUNTY JUDY!! omg.. i miss aunty judy lots. her loud voice cheers me up. rawrs. and ricky's laughter. and david's thank yous. ahhhh! can god pls send me back to ubi!! haha.

i hate having my period. sucks. random

i wore mummy's tunic with jeans to work today. and i think i looked weird!

lazy to post pic today.

EVER EVER AFTER - CARRIE UNDERWOOD

Storybook endings, fairy tales coming true
Deep down inside we want to believe they still do
And a secret is taught, it's our favourite part of the story
Let's just admit we all want to make it too

Ever ever after
If we just don't get it our own way
Ever ever after
It may only be a wish away

Starting your fashion, wear your heart on your sleeve
Sometimes you reach what's real just by making believe
Unafraid, unashamed
There is joy to be claimed in this world
You even might wind up being glad to be you

Ever ever after
Though the world will tell you it's not smart

Ever ever after
The world can be yours if you let your heart
Believe in ever after

No wonder your heart feels it's flying
Your head feels it's spinning
Each happy ending's a brand new beginning
Let yourself be enchanted, you just might break through

To ever ever after
Forever could even start today
Ever ever after
Maybe it's just one wish away
Your ever ever after

(I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss)

Oh, for ever ever after

tonight, i wish
my wonderful friends stay by me for ever ever after ❤

2008-01-20T23:20:00.000-08:00

".. no wonder you're from tkss"
that mention from him, threw me off totally. i haven't heard someone mentioning that in a long time. in addition to seeing mrs chee yest, i haven been feeling that very good. i feel like i've let down my tk teachers, esp mdm ong and mrs chee. they were the 2 who pushed me on through last year. i rmb promising them that i'll hang in there. and finish my jc education. but i didn, and i feel totally guilty coz i really didn put my best foot forward. ".. see you ard" was what mrs chee told me. i dare not see her ard. i dont even know if she knows abt the me now. sighs. i feel so ashamed to proclaim myself as an ex-tksian can. i dont have the fighting spirit instilled in the 4 yrs there. someone kill me plss. i hate this me totally

enough of emomo stuff.

i'm happy girl. (:

msned with him just now(:
i finally bid goodbye to the useless GC. =p
i cleared my debt with HN.
CNY cookies are homeee!
prinsep tml!

actually, i look at the list above. such things didn make me a happy girl 2 weeks back. but now, as i learn to appreciate the simple pleasures of the little things in my life, i become more optimistic and i don't emo so much anymore. the black clouds in my head is slowly clearing up. i feel lighter as the days pass. i hope i can be like that everyday. really. it would be so much better than me in the past.
thank you to the many ppl who helped me change. dear, love, lilin, loser, him. ((: yay!!
"priscilla's a happy girl too! " (:

i tried walking from home to the mrt station just now. and i took abt 10 mins to walk there. omgg. i hope i can sustain walking to themrt everyday when sch starts. and talking abt sch, i feel real unsafe now. rawrs. i'm thinking of pharm in NP, but it doesn give me the requirement to get into the NTU course. oh no. i don't have much time to think either. they say O lvls results' coming out soon. means registration for sch is coming. and i'm feeling so.......now. D.I.E! i'm losing freedom soon.

ok. i haven't been blogging in paras in a long time. haha.

oh yea. being random. i was having this craving for hot food in the afternoon. so i went to bathe, then when i was abt to cook maggi noodles, i felt like drinking chicken soup from the nice aunty downstairs (i've known the aunty since pri 6. she's real nice!) so i went down with my fugly wet hair and all. BUT, aunty was open, so i went to get fish soup noodles. that was at 3+pm. mummy came back from JB at abt 5+pm. we went to pick bro and had dinner abt 6+. and i felt like eating zhu1 jiao3 chu4. and mummy ordered for me! tgt with stingray and all. and i ate again, thou i didn eat the zhu1 jiao3, i drank the chu4. =.= ok lame shit.

fugly me.. omg. i had to hide my face!

my fishy soup noodle! =p

i miss my GC alrd. as if

SUPER SUNSHINE - GARY CAO GE

You Are My Sunshine
My Only Sunshine
是你让我懂得爱幸福却简单
You Are My Sunshine
My Only Sunshine
因为有了你的爱从此不平凡展开

曾经为了爱情寻寻觅觅却换来空白
终於随著冬叶走向渐黄放弃了等待
出乎意料你就这样闯进我的生命来
就是你 YA 让我发呆也想著爱

You Are My Sunshine
My Only Sunshine
是你让我懂得爱幸福却简单
You Are My Sunshine
My Only Sunshine
因为有了你的爱
从此不平凡展开

忍不住要对你的温柔
轻声的赞美
喝著白开水也会醉
原来快乐在调味
怎麼眼睛里的世界变得只剩灰与黑
Oh Baby 因为你太耀眼

You Are My Sunshine
My Only Sunshine
是你让我懂得爱幸福却简单
You Are My Sunshine
My Only Sunshine
因为有了你的爱
从此不平凡展开

谁说爱情都有期限
谁说爱情没有永远
只要望著你的双眼
不管未来有多远都能看得见
原来爱情像个圆圈
起点终点同一条线
只要甜蜜不断蔓延
心贴著就不疲倦永远其实近在眼前
You Are My Sunshine
My Only Sunshine
是你让我懂得爱幸福却简单
You Are My Sunshine
My Only Sunshine
因为有了你的爱从此不平凡展开
Everytime I See Your Face
甜蜜不断在蔓延
OOOH~~~
Everytime I See Your Face
甜蜜不断在蔓延
你的爱从不平凡展开

i'd better sleep soon. tml need to wake up early. sighs.

you're my sweetest addiction❤

2008-01-20T14:37:00.000-08:00

aiish.
changed my blogskin! (:
simple! ((:

tudou cheated my feelings! ):
i woke up early to watch dnbyb. BUT cnt load lehhs. )):
so i ended up playing games on neopets. =.=

meeting CL later to pass her my GC.
money's coming!
but its like going out.
to HN for the bags, Jelyn for the JTS long time ago. =p
and all my money will be goneeee! ))):

i'm so tempted to ps cousins to go work lehhs.
i need the moolah.
and i want to see himhimhim. =X
sheesh, dunno lehhs.
i'll just decide later.

i'm just feeling random and happy today!
i'm holding you to your words ah.
i'm waiting for the date! =D

幸福的風 - 楊宗緯

reflect on the wall.
reflect everywhere ❤

2008-01-20T00:41:00.000-08:00

omgg..

i totally messed up my next wkend.

i'm supposed to work at expo with mummy. and i can see him.

BUTTT!!

i agreed to go shopping with cousins on sat, and cut hair on sun.

omgg. howhowhow.

i need to work.. so i can earn $$, andd. see boy.

BUT, i want to shop and cut hair!!

ahhh!

anwsss..

i totally hooked on dnyby.

super nice and super sweet!!

ahhhh!! =DD

shopping with mummy was rather fruitful.

managed to get my leggings, and a new top! yay!!

nice? heee.

mummy's gging to JB ~~tml~~.

and i can have new yr cookies to eat le!!

weee~

i was randomly thinking..

of how many real friends i have

how many will be willing to listen to me moan and fa xie.

and i realised that i don't have many.

but i must be thankful i have a few.

dear, loser, love..

yea.

i really treasure them lots.

loser being the thorn among the roses.

thanks to them, i havent had a heart attack and all.

muahaha.

i miss you boy.

i love you.

the simple pleasures.

no more sorries plss. (:

i think i..

2008-01-19T17:15:00.000-08:00

hooked to 斗牛，要不要
super nice sehhs!! =D
woots~

shall blog later tonight.. going out with mummy later =)

jia you for exams DEAR!!

smilleee boy

2008-01-18T23:44:00.000-08:00

i'm learning to enjoy the simple pleasure you give me, boy.
i can smile now. even if my msges go unreplied.
as long as you take that lil initiative.
and i miss you like crazyyyy!
gonna see you soon. i hope. will i?

been listening to 幸福的风 for the past 1.5 hrs. dunno why. just stuck on the song.
but today's song is..

无可救药 - pin guan

暗恋是一种礼貌
暗地里盖一座城堡
然后再当你的警卫跑腿和小猫
随时你要我重关电脑
随时你要我随传随到
买面包鸡排和水饺
你每次对着我笑
你的笑里面有毒药
我看着你出了神
还丢掉了解药
可能你从来没感觉到
最好你永远感觉不到
爱上你越来越无可救药
一天一天越来越无可救药
一生一次爱你到无可救药
我才慢慢体会到
幸福是被爱的人需要
一天一天越来越无可救药
一生一次爱你到无可救药
我才狠狠决定要
就爱吧就唱吧就不逃

will you come and stand by me?

拥有了　同时也失去什麼
而眷恋　原来会带来软弱.

2008-01-17T23:59:00.000-08:00

good news for me today! ((:
i'm going back to prinsep to work!!
means...
its so much easier to go out shopping after work!!
and meet friends! =D
yay!
and i should be having aunty alice & aunty annie there!!
yayyay!!

and i'm finally bidding goodbye to my GC!!
muahaha.
which means.
i'm having $$ coming in!!
yay!
hopefully CL's frd cnt find his GC.
ok. i'm bad. but i need $$.
i still owe jelyn 42bucks. my god.
and i bought 3 bags from online. double my god.

thats all the good things for today laa.

i still felt real sick at work today.
and the stack of documents from yest didn really help. =X
i drank like 2.5 bottles of water.
went to the toilet 4 times.
used 8 pieces of tissue.
coughed like a million times.
ha.

sometimes, i wonder if me msging my frds coz i'm emo will affect them. pls tell me if i do ya. =)
and... ... ...

i'm giving myself 3 more thrus to make a decision.
3 more thrus = v day 2008
v day 2008 = last and final day of hardcore emo-ing/the start of something new.
rawrs. i think i won't be able to keep to it. but i'll try yea.

no song today. coz imeem refuses to load for me. :((

i miss you boy.
i really do.

so nights!! (:

2008-01-17T08:48:00.000-08:00

oh boy, your reply made me feel better instantly.
oh boy, thank you. ((:
oh boy, nothing beats ~~seeing~~reading your msges. :D
oh boy, i miss you so. =x

and i don't want to go to workkkkk!
i dread going to workkkkk!
arghs.

and i forgot a pic with the girls yest.

off i go to get ready for work. =((

2008-01-16T11:05:00.000-08:00

i miss you like crazy nuts. 1mth7days. i long to hear you asking me to jia you. will i hear it again.
you always told me to smile. to say no to emo. i tried. i really tried. but i cnt.
coz i miss you lots.
and i'm sorry for all those words.

i feel real lost now.

going out to meet the class soon!
((:

2008-01-15T22:07:00.000-08:00

i'm not going to work tml.
sore throat + flu + near-mental-breakdown state
screw mummy for screwing me today.
screw myself for meing such a weakie.
screw myself for using 3 forbidden words on inoocent loser yest. sorry loser
screw myself for thinking so much
screw myself for emoing so much
screw myself for everything that has happened since 9th dec. the last day i saw him
screw my world.
period.

i just hope the ppl i'm meeting tml will be able to cheer me up
a teeny wenny bit will do.

i'm ok ppl.
really.
just leave me alone.
physically and mentally.
i need to let things out.

i think i'm too dependent on LOVE whenever i'm emo
its no good priscilla ho.
not good at all.
i should learn to face up to such things myself.
learn to stand strong.

thanks LOVE all these while. i know all these makes you think abt your past. sorry i always say that you're in the same situation. but i know you're different from me. you're much stronger than me. you're alot more brave than me. you will always be that strong LOVE in me. the strength for me to just go pass every night. thank you LOVE. from the very bottom of my <3

i'll try
to stay stong.
try very hard.

eyes on me - faye wong

Whenever sang my songs,
On the stage, on my own,
I never said my words,
Wishing they would be heard,
I saw you smiling at me,
Was it real? Or just my fantasy?
You'd always be there in the corner,
Of this tiny little bar.

My last night here for you,
Same old songs just once more,
My last night here with you?
Mayber yes, maybe no.
I kinda liked it your way,
How you shyly placed your eyes on me,
Did you ever know?
That I had mine on you.

Darling so there you are,
With that look on your face,
As if you're never hurt,
As if you're never down,
Shall I be the one for you?
Who pinches you softly but sure,
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer.

So let me come to you,
Close as I wanna be,
Close enough for me,
To feel your heart beating fast,
And stay there as whisper,
How I loved your peaceful eyes on me,
Did you ever know?
That I had mine on you.

Darling so share with me,
Your love if you have enough,
Or tears if you're holding back,
Or pain if that's what it is,
How can I let you know?
I'm more than the dress and the voice,
Just reach me out then,
You will know that you are not dreaming

i just am addicted to this song today.

trying. and. learning

2008-01-15T08:44:00.000-08:00

i've got a throat thats so damn pain now.
and its not the typical sore throat.
anyone can guess what happened after the post yesterday.

i've turned to paper and pen.
but i will still update here daily.
just lesser emo stuff.
i hope.

2008-01-14T00:16:00.000-08:00

aish.
i managed to resist blogging yest. but i came online. let me see.

today.
woke up rather early.
started to clean my room.
omg.
i nv realised that my room was so dusty ok.
just wiping my wardrobe top made the pail of water from clear to grey.
omg.
it was the same for my desk, my bookshelve, my bag table.
and i felt like a aunty walking ard.
gggm.
so..
now my room is!

omg. i feel so proud of myself. i shall not step into my room so often, so as to maintain it. as if.

after cleaning for like 3 hrs.
lunched.
went to bugis for shopping with bro and mummy.
and i finally wore my green tunic bought ages ago.
yay.

i still think i should get my legging. haha.
shopshopshop. nothing much. bought bedsheets? and YH bra! =p
i saw the DP white skirt! in MY size.
and..
mummy don allow me to buy white skirt!!! =((((
and i didn get to eat the fries at the basement of PARCO.
i heard its nice. =X
shall go there another day.
and i find pencil case designs nowadays so ewwws.
so dear, i still haven found one for the gay.
i'll cont finding.
came home.
dinner.
came online.
write final reflections for trip.
send dear photos.
talk to love.
psycho nightmare to un-emo

YEST!
woke up early. to go to sch for meeting.
somehow. felt a lil left out la.
won be able to join in their activities due to work.
intended to buy cheese waffle and walk home.
then jac came and walked with me.
so i bu hao yi si buy waffle.
so ended buy buying the cheese round pancake from mr bean at interchange. its my breakfast at 12pm.
came home.
started dl-ing songs.
and i was late in meeting dear.
omg. so sorry dear.
dear trained to bedok to wait for me! =)
so i met dear and we trained to DOVER!
the train ride felt short lor.
maybe coz we were talking all the while.
yay dear!
then sp open hse.
nothing much la.
i'm feeling scared abt sch alrd.
biomed sc. 80/batch. 20/cardiac option the option i'm interested in. best further studies option = overseas. omg can. how on earth will i find the $$ to go overseas to study!? meaning i need to get scholarship = super hard work!!! D.I.E!
arghs.
nvm
after open hse.
we went to MS for nasi ayam!
and its NICEEEEE!!
heee. thanks dear!
after MS, we trained to TAMPINES to shop.
went to MONDO. but cnt find heels that dear likes.
shall go find somemore okiex dear! =))
then shop ard.
went to BHG to try on some clothes.
and camwhore! yay!

we had our own clothes on. coz the clothes we tried.
cmi laa.
thenn..
to MANGO!
and camwhore in the fitting room yet again!

the blouse is super nice ok!
BUT its like 50odd bucks!
super ex!! =((

headed to CITY PLAZA after that.
to..
satisfy my cravings for..
ICE KACHANG!! ARNOLD'S ICE KACHANG to be exact.
i miss the red bean paste.
so we da bao-ed and sat at the massage chair there to eat!
and dear walked me to the busstop so i can bus home!
yay!
so thats sat.
and here's dear!! =DDDDD

I LOVE DEAR MANYMANYMANY!!

i told dear alot abt him and other stuff. and i thought alot too. sometimes its just isn worth to be sad/angry/hating someone who doesn deserve it. they won't thank you for being affected by them or anything. what for wait for his msges everyday when i know they won't come. must as well i spend my time thinking of how to cheer my friends on. what for get pissed by a certain person who doesn even f***ing care about you. you know. all these things are uncalled for. they only mess up your life which only you and only you is incharge of. so i've decided to care and feel for those ppl who deserve my care and concern and all! yes.

see! even emo times can be happy!

有一种爱叫做放手

如果两个人的天堂
象是温馨的墙
囚禁你的梦想
幸福是否象是一扇铁窗
候鸟失去了南方
如果你对天空向往
渴望一双翅膀
放手让你飞翔
你的羽翼不该伴随玫瑰
听从凋谢的时光
浪漫如果变成了牵绊
我愿为你选择回到孤单
缠绵如果变成了锁链
抛开诺言
有一种爱叫做放手
为爱放弃天长地久
我们相守若让你付出所有
让真爱带我走
有一种爱叫做放手
为爱结束天长地久
我的离去若让你拥有所有
让真爱带我走说分手

为了你失去你
狠心扮演伤害你
为了你离开你
永远不分的离去

i shared this song with the emo nightmare too. i guess.. i felt so strongly for this song when i saw the title.

and thus, i end off, facing tml with a smile! =D

有一种爱叫做放手

2008-01-12T00:15:00.000-08:00

my comp screwed me ~~today~~yest.
it hanged like nobody's business.
giving me alot of time to think alot.
damn.

alrittes.
~~tml~~later have to wake up super early
to go sch for yunnan meeting.
i took like half an hr to look for my sch skirt.
i dunno how i'm gging to feel gging back ~~tml~~later.

BUT
after that
gging to meet DEAR!
yay DEAR!!

i just finish dl-ing somemore songs.
tried to group my songs to no avail.
shall do it some other day.

and my neck got those red patches again
my zi lian photos ~~today~~yest damn ugly can.
urghs!
lazy to post too

i've been looking at bags online again
gging to get somemore.
muahaha.

song
亲爱的,那不是爱情 - angela chang

教室里那台风琴叮咚叮咚叮咛
像你告白的声音动作一直很轻
微笑看你送完信转身离开的背影
喜欢你字迹清秀的关心

那温热的牛奶瓶在我手中握紧
有你在的地方我总感觉很窝心
日子像旋转木马在脑海里转不停
出现那些你对我好的场景

你说过牵了手就算约定
但亲爱的那并不是爱情
就像来不及许愿的流星
再怎么美丽也只能是曾经

太美的承诺因为太年轻
但亲爱的那并不是爱情
就像是精灵住错了森林
那爱情错的很透明

那温热的牛奶瓶在我手中握紧
有你在的地方我总感觉很窝心
日子像旋转木马在脑海里转不停
出现那些你对我好的场景

你说过牵了手就算约定
但亲爱的那并不是爱情
就像来不及许愿的流星
再怎么美丽也只能是曾经

太美的承诺因为太年轻
但亲爱的那并不是爱情
就像是精灵住错了森林
那爱情错的很透明

太美的承诺因为太年轻
但亲爱的那并不是爱情
就像是精灵住错了森林
那爱情错的很透明

shall go slp. yay. cnt wait for tmltmltmltml..

nites all!

sometimes the toughest part is waiting

2008-01-11T08:53:00.000-08:00

i decided..
to skip moosic lesson to go for yunnan meeting tml
so i'm telling my teacher that i gotta work.
sianns.
then i'm meeting dear to go sp! =DD
thats the only thing i'm really looking forward to tml.

yay.
speaking of dear.
i had a nice nice convo with her on frdster yest!
yay dear.
44444444. =p=p=p

it went unanswered again.
but hell la.

SAY NO TO EMO!

2008-01-10T22:25:00.000-08:00

jan 10 2008
is a lovely day
yay
=D

2008.01.10
is good hair day
yayyay
=)

10 jan 2008
is no-tears day
yayyayyay
XD

i guess last night really kept my spirits up today.
yay.
thanks to youknowwho =)

and today.
my hair behaved well enough to allow me to let it down.
but it gave way to my itchy hands to touch touch touch
and discover all the split ends again. omggg.
and they're gone now!
haha.
i trimmed my ends again.
and i think my right side is shorter than my left side now. =x

mummy's gonna let me go clara's hairdresser to cut my hair soon
yay.
its no wonder why i get to cut my hair once a yr only.
conpared to twice last time.
i dunno how to cut it lehhs..
any ideassss?

and work today.
haha.
slack.
coz the comp hanged like dunno-how-many times. hee
and i find the CSE ricky's voice damn nice to listen to laa..
and listening to the radio while working makes ppl think i'm crazy coz i keep laughing to myself.

and i had love to msg me thruout.
yay
tc love

i cnt wait for sat afternoon.
muahahaha.
dear! on bo?

randomm..
i heard on 933 that laughing hard 100 times a day is equals to like 15 mins of biking.. haha =p
and i finally hit that sacred number on the scale. need to jia you! woo~
and yay! horoscope again..

魔羯座 Capricorn

魔羯座今年财运不错，随著身价攀升，收入同步稳定成长，投资转趋积极
而耐高风险，舍得把金钱投资在自己身上。今年较大的花费可能是国外旅
行或其他属於较长期的投资。理财风格属於有纪律、有规划、有恒心的理
财资优生。因为勤做功课，所以让他们从事的各种高风险投资都变得稳健
合理。可惜今年健康容易出现大好大坏的非常极端，要注意健康保险; 适
合投资房地产、天然资源、公用事业和医疗照护产业。

魔羯座今年健康体力正值颠峰。12年一度的当旺之运，让她们意兴风发、
精神振奋，身体也显得生龙活虎、活泼乱跳。唯一要提醒的是，这段期间
容易出现健康的错觉，低估健康警讯，以致问题等到严重恶化时。才怵然
惊觉。最需注意的身体部位是肝肾功能的正常，多运动、少忧烦、不要经常熬夜。

muahaha.

song of the day.

印象派的爱情 - 潘嘉丽

爱绕多少个弯才能有答案
我问过朋友回答都不相同
我把爱当图案拼凑出印象
就算不写实都可以添上感想

莫内画的教堂涂满了夕阳
常玉画的花朵总行只影单
在最浪漫地方总是会隐藏
别人看不见的小失望
毕加索的女人总是看远方
潘玉良的波斯菊特别倔强
彷佛最失落时心却最勇敢
把渴望画成了阳关

say NO to EMO.

2008-01-10T08:45:00.000-08:00

i ended up at the com till almost 1am yest.
chatting with love and desmondngyouze. yay.

and i shall be happy today!
and everyday.
i hope i can.
coz i was asked to say NO to EMO.
muahaha..
cute guy la..

and take care love!!

i think my mum think that i am a poly tour guide or open house baby sitter.
first she ask me to ask jie along with me to the open hse.
then she ask me to ask my neighbour along.
omggg la.
i'm like gging with my dearest dear can!!
won't i like leng luo my neighbour?
thats the main thing why i totally dislike going out in a total whole big grp.
haha. whatever.

i need to practice my piano for a mo.
and prepare to go for work!

yay!
i love dear.=)))
i love love.=)))
i love youknowwho.=)))

我到地哭什麼哭什麼明明搞笑的